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Old Print Ad: Obetrol Methamphetamine Weight-Loss Pills (1970)

July 1, 2010 in Misc., Science/Tech | Permalink

Obetrol: "Use with caution in individuals with anorexia."

According to Nicholas Rasmussen’s book, On Speed: The Many Lives of Amphetamine, the meth-laced diet pills Obetrol were Andy Warhol’s weight-loss tablet of choice. The medication was produced by a Brooklyn drug manufacturer, but meth’s usage as a diet aid waned during the 1980s. This 1970 ad features an illustration in which a ski instructor mocks a student whose obesity is causing him to sink. The instructor barks: “Either lose 45 pounds or wait for six more inches of snow!” The ad contains the following precautions:

“Use with caution in individuals with anorexia, insomnia, asthma, psychopathic personality, a history of homicidal or suicidal tendencies, or emotionally unstable individuals who are known to be susceptible to drug abuse.”

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Great Photography: An Amazing Array Of Firsts

July 1, 2010 in Misc., Photography | Permalink

Inscription on back of Robert Cornelius photo: "First light picture ever taken."

Thanks to the great Kottke.org for pointing me in the direction of a really fun feature on Oobject, which curates an amazing portfolio of historic firsts from the annals of photography. That includes the initial photo of a human face from 1838 (Robert Cornelius, pictured above, who was chosen for his utter handsomeness) to the first color photograph in 1861 to the first complete image of a molecule in 2009. Have a look at all the cool images.

By the way: Cornelius, a chemist born to Dutch immigrants, worked with fellow scientist Paul Beck Goddard to perfect the daguerreotype. He  took the photo of himself outside of his family’s Philadelphia lighting store. It was only in 1975 that evidence emerged that proved the original date of Cornelius’ self-portrait. The picture was off-center but not bad for the first photo of a face ever. Cornelius may have also been a ventriloquist. An excerpt about him from Godey’s Lady’s Book of 1840:

Take our photo. (Image by Sgomatham.)

“There is a young gentleman of this city, by the name of Robert Cornelius, one of the firm of the well known house of Cornelius, Son & Co., who has more genius than he yet supposes himself to possess. As a designer in the way of his profession, he has no equal; as a ventriloquist—but here we are getting into private life—as a Daguerreotypist his specimens are the best that have yet been seen in this country, and we speak this with a full knowledge of the specimens shown here by Mr. Gouraud, purporting to be, and no doubt truly, by Daguerre himself. We have seen many specimens by young Cornelius, and we pronounce them unsurpassable—they must be seen to be appreciated.

Catching a shadow is a thing no more to be laughed at. Mr. Cornelius, in one matter, has outstripped the great master of the art, a thing, by the way, peculiar to our countrymen; he has succeeded in etching his designs onto the plate, from which they cannot be removed by any effort. A few more experiments in this way, and we shall do without engravers—those very expensive gentlemen.”

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Recently Posted On NYC’s Craigslist

June 30, 2010 in Misc., Urban Studies | Permalink

??????????

Gypsy taboo’s & jellousy – $1000000

Hello people,
today’s topic is, taboo’s & jellousy,
there’s so many rules in the Romania that make people do things they shouldn’t,
for instance, say a husband an wife attend a party, and it just so happends his wires x is there,
why is it that the husband is aloud to shake his hand and say let bygons be bygons to prevent trouble,
wile the wife sits there an sez, why is my husband talking to my X? Now all,
the people are gonna think, maybe thier both gonna messaround with her tonight,
now I can’t blame a woman for getting angry at her husband, now he’s braking the (rules)
and it goes the same way vice versa if his x wife was there, were not guyzhey,
cuz guyzhey still keep intouch in devorce, but we can’t do those thing cuz we have a reputation
to protect, so if you do find yourself an a common situation like that,
just make believe that person isn’t there and go on with your night, don’t even make eye
contact, cuz the consequence could be devastating, that’s a taboo.

The sad thing in the Romania is jellousy,
it’s sad for me to say,lots of Roma don’t like to see eachother get ahead in life, they don’t wanna see
you drive a nice car, wear exspensive things, and have a nice place, in romaness thier called
duzhmya, and thier everywhere, even sometimes the people you deal with are your enemy.

"Overrated." (Image by Matt Yohe.)

it doesn’t always have to be the poor people that are jellous on what you got, cuz the people that are less fortunate then you just like what you have,
an I believe it gives them inspiration to achieve some glitz an glam, an may god give us all what we desire, for the rich & poor,
the duzhmya are the people that have alot already, thier just affraid you might catch up with them, and trust me, they don’t want that to happen, that’s why you need to stay away from people like that, here’s a clue! (((The person that sez thier the most happy for you)))
I’m gypsy James, an this is my daily colum, p.s I think the iphone4 is overrated.

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Afflictor Nation: For Some Strange Reason, Russia Reigns Supreme Once Again This Month

June 29, 2010 in Misc. | Permalink

Nets owner Mikhail Prokhorov: I will buy you vodka and whores, Lebron. (Image by Андрей Романенко.)

Russia is bad at many things, especially spying, but one thing that the former superpower is really great at it is wasting its time by looking at the idiotic site known as Afflictor. For the seventh month running, Russia is the foreign nation with the most visits to our Brooklyn-based website. Great Britain, the Netherlands and Belarus all made gallant challenges in June, but it just wasn’t meant to be. Why do Russians keep coming back for more of our special brand of stupidity? Perhaps it’s because the comrades need to distract themselves from Putin’s claims that his country’s new fighter jets are better than the ones in the U.S., which ensures Mother Russia of a victory in any war that is fought prior to 1940. Or perhaps that trenchant article about Ke$ha in Elle Girl Russia just wasn’t long enough and there’s nothing left to read. Whatever. Congratulation on you great accomplishment, Russia, for once again being crowned champion of Afflictor Nation!

Recently Posted On NYC’s Craigslist

June 28, 2010 in Misc., Urban Studies | Permalink

"You know who you are." (Image by Hedwig Storch.)

STOP THIEF (Brentwood)

You stole my barbeque last year, my grandkids toys this year when the fence blew down, now you have stolen my little white fences for my garden. Do you think you could stop. We work hard for what we have and cannot afford to replace items because of your disregard for others and your disgusting behavior. Please stop. I live in Southeast Brentwood off Second Ave, and you know who you are.

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Miscellaneous Media: John Hummer NBA Card

June 27, 2010 in Misc., Sports | Permalink

John Hummer: Today I sit on the board of Baynote, Birst and Elastra.

I briefly got my long, elegant fingers on a 1972 John Hummer basketball card. Hummer was a forward who was playing with the NBA’s Buffalo Braves at that point. Averaging a pedestrian 6.9 points per game in his career, Hummer was no great cager on the pro level, but he was an exceptionally bright person.

Hummer graduated from Princeton in 1970 and was selected by the new Buffalo franchise. He played for a handful of teams for a half-dozen years, being coached for a while by Hall of Famer Bill Russell in Seattle, before heading to Stanford to earn an MBA. In 1980, he co-founded a venture capital firm that invests in software companies. An excerpt from the back of his card:

“The Braves’ first draft choice in 1970, John was a starting forward throughout most of the year and was an honorable mention for the NBA All-Rookie team. He has shown great promise on defense. He was All-Ivy League for two years at Princeton. John likes to read in his spare time.”

More Miscellaneous Media:

  • Carolina Cougars ABA Yearbook. (1970)
  • The Washington Senators MLB Yearbook. (1968)
  • Ugandan currency with Idi Amin’s picture. (1973)
  • Tom Van Arsdale basketball card. (1970)
  • “Okie from Muskogee” sheet music. (1969)
  • California Golden Seals hockey magazine. (1972)
  • Beatles Film Festival Magazine (1978)
  • ABA Pictorial (1968-69)
  • Tom Seaver’s Baseball Is My Life. (1973)
  • Hockey Digest (1973)
  • World’s Fair Guide (1964)
  • World’s Fair Guide (1939)
  • Buffalo Braves Yearbook (1972-73)
  • New York Nets Yearbook (1976-77)
  • “Tom Dooley” sheet music.

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    “Highlights” From Another Particularly Disappointing Week Of Crappy Afflictor

    June 25, 2010 in Misc. | Permalink

    Afflictor: Making DNA researchers yawn since 2009. (Image by Rox.)

    One Of The Many Reasons Why The Huffington Post Should Never Be Taken Too Seriously

    June 24, 2010 in Misc., Politics | Permalink

    Arianna Huffington: I hope this story about my friend Al Gore and the masseuse has a happy ending.

    The left-leaning Huffington Post spent the past day burying the story that liberal icon Al Gore allegedly sexually abused a massage therapist. At first there was a link to the AP piece about it at the very bottom of the Politics page, but that was gone by the next day and the story was never moved to the Front Page. You could say that the site didn’t want to give coverage to unproven allegations, but it does so all the time with other public figures. An example occurred just yesterday when similarly unproven charges of sexual abuse against baseball player Johan Santana were placed midway on the Front Page and still had a link at bottom of that page today. And does anyone believe that the Gore story wouldn’t have been a screaming headline if a right-wing political figure had been linked to similar wrongdoings?

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    Decoder: Eliot Spitzer And Kathleen Parker Discuss Their New CNN Show With The Huffington Post

    June 24, 2010 in Humor, Misc., Politics | Permalink

    The show's working title: "Governor Sexy Socks and the Right Wing Lady Earn a Paycheck for a Little While."

    Kathleen Parker: We’re going to be an organic talk show where we sit around the kitchen table.

    Decoder: The kitchen is the furthest room from the bedroom, right? I don’t want to be with Spitzer near a bedroom.

    Eliot Spitzer: We all agree: BP is bad. That’s the easy part. Then you say OK, so what do you do? How do you actually solve the problem? How do you plug the hole?

    Decoder: I shouldn’t have used that “plug the hole” phrase, right? But I’m not known for prudence. Except for that hooker named Prudence.

    Eliot Spitzer: There’s still a lot of people who are not watching either [Bill O’Reilly and Keith Olbermann]. So somehow we’re figuring there’s still a little reservoir there, we’ll put our fishing rods in.

    Decoder: That also sounded suggestive, didn’t it? Because of the stuff I did with all the whores.

    Kathleen Parker: Actually, I think that we complement each other very well, and bring completely different perspectives and life experiences.

    Decoder: Most of Spitzer’s experiences involve paying and humping.

    And don't forget to watch "Heidi Fleiss 360°" at 10pm. She's no dumber than Greta. (Image by Daniel Dacumos,)

    Eliot Spitzer: You put my name [on the show] and people will watch one night. I’m expendable.

    Decoder: Just like I was when I was Governor of New York.

    Kathleen Parker: I don’t really care if a Democrat or a Republican comes up with the right answer, I just want the one that works. And I think Eliot comes from that same place.

    Decoder: He actually just came from a place called Madame Vanessa’s.

    Eliot Spitzer: The way I look at it, if you want to be validated in your underlying world view, you go to [O’Reilly and Olbermann] and you feel good and they’re great shows. If you want to see something different, be challenged, be pushed…

    Decoder: Or be choked–like a call girl for instance.

    Kathleen Parker: [We’ll book people] that we’ve interacted with in our personal lives and our work.

    Decoder: Spitzer has already booked Ashley, Summer, Montana, Destiny, Jade, Angel and Candy. Oh, and Kandy.

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    Recently Posted On NYC’s Craigslist

    June 23, 2010 in Misc., Urban Studies | Permalink

    He sounds like a charmer, but she ran out the door so fast she forgot her panties.

    MY WIFES PANTIES – $20 (TriBeCa)

    My wife cleaned me out after the divorce and she left behind all of her bras and panties and old clothes. I need to get rid of this crap. She was Japanese 5’4 115 lbs. I dont know the size and Im not washing them, I dont have time, I just want to get rid of em..

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    Mickey Mouse: High On Amphetamines In 1951

    June 21, 2010 in Misc., Science/Tech, Urban Studies | Permalink

    Walt Disney: Mickey Mouse sure is fucking wasted today. (Photo by Alan Fisher.)

    Back in the day, athletes took amphetamines which were quaintly called pep pills. But even children’s favorites Mickey Mouse and Goofy were on the stuff, according to an old 1951 comic book called Mickey Mouse and the Medicine Man, which has been placed online by erowid.org. Not only do Mickey and Goofy get speeded up, but Mickey wants to push the stuff himself. The drug-positive comic was a collaboration between Disney and General Mills. (Thanks to the great Boing Boing for pointing me in the direction of the comic.)

    Peppo is super!

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    Recently Posted On NYC’s Craigslist

    June 19, 2010 in Misc., Urban Studies | Permalink

    Not Rosie O'Donnell: Hire me to play softball for you or to be your drinking buddy.

    Brendini Does It……..ALL (Nassau County, NY)

    Ever see that “Family Guy” episode where the Moose is holding a sign that says “Will do Moose Stuff for money”?

    Well that’s what we do! ANYTHING…

    If you haven’t seen the episode, we are the first (as far as we know) for service business that will consider doing WHATEVER you want. You think of it and we’ll name you a price and if you think it’s fair we’re game.

    Here’s a few things people have hired us for:

    1. Wingman/Drinking Buddy
    2. Landscaping
    3. Media Services
    4. Band Bookings
    5. Computer Services
    6. Housework/House cleaning
    7. Minor repairs of various electrical devices
    8. Surround Sound Hook-up
    9. Sound Engineering
    10. Softball Player Fill in

    This is just a FEW of the things we have done. References furnished upon request. And remember: ANYTHING you can think of….BRENDINI DOES IT.”

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    “Highlights” Of Another Barely Tolerable Week From The Idiot Website Known As Afflictor

    June 19, 2010 in Misc. | Permalink

    Afflictor: Making wild monkeys yawn since 2009. (Image by Steve Evans.)

    Afflictor Nation: Welcome Aboard, Belarus!

    June 17, 2010 in Misc. | Permalink

    Vladimir Vasilevich Kovalenok became a cosmonaut just so he could leave Belarus.

    The excitement was palpable in the Brooklyn offices of Afflictor.com when we checked the traffic stats and realized that Wednesday was the magical day that we had our first visitor from the flat, landlocked nation of Belarus. The culture-free neighbor of Latvia, Belarus decided to become a sovereign nation in 1999, and no one cared enough to stop it. The country has long been governed by a burly man with a mustache named Alexander Lukashenko. It’s not that he’s so great; it’s just that no one else wants the job. Land of pork stew and wheat vodka, Belarus’ major export is heavy machinery. So thanks for all the tractors, Belarus, and welcome to Afflictor Nation!

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    Recently Posted On NYC’s Craigslist

    June 16, 2010 in Misc., Urban Studies | Permalink

    100% Italian ice. (Image by Kim Scarborough.)

    Looking 4 dentist

    I m 100% italian i will exchange your work osmetic/ dentistry with italian lessons. Have your italian vacation this summer and actually understand what they are saying!

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    Old Print Ad: Magic Dutch Rock Garden (1952)

    June 16, 2010 in Misc., Urban Studies | Permalink

    Where do we keep the tiny lawn mower, Dad?

    If your parents gave you a dollar in 1952 to buy this incredibly crappy toy garden, they were really sick of you and tried just about anything to keep you out of their hair for a few minutes. Even more boring than an ant farm, this faux topiary was supposed to sprout real grass and flowers in “over 100 square inches of garden.” It promised that the garden would grow is just four short days and last for months. It sounds like some sort of forerunner to the grandeur of the Chia Pet.

    The garden came with Dutch boy and girl figurines, “simulated” rocks, a ceramic dog and an American flag, so that you could embarrass the whole country. (“I Wasted $1” tee shirt sold separately.) An excerpt from the copy:

    “Boys & girls, here’s exciting news. News about something entirely different! Now, you can grow a real garden of your very own–right in your own home. Yes, here’s an amazing magic garden you set up and plant yourself in a few minutes. Grow real grass and flowers in a few days! You’ll thrill to the magic of Mother Nature as you watch the grass sprout and the flowers take root and grow right before your eyes. In no time at all you’ll have a colorful, healthy garden–and what a kick you’ll get playing gardener, cutting the grass, watering the plants, and tending the lovely sweet-smelling flowers. You can even clip a beautiful bunch of flowers for mom, or friend. All your friends will wonder how you were able to make things grow. They’ll all want you to show them how!”

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    Miscellaneous Media: Carolina Cougars 1970 ABA Yearbook

    June 14, 2010 in Misc., Sports | Permalink

    Yearbook cost a buck back in 1970.

    I got my bent, bony fingers on a copy of the 1970 yearbook of the Carolina Cougars of the long-defunct American Basketball Association. Since no city in North Carolina had a large enough population to support a sports franchise, some local businesspeople decided to purchase the struggling Houston Mavericks in 1969 and turn it into a regional franchise that would alternate home games in four NC cities: Charlotte, Greensboro, Raleigh and Winston-Salem. The team had some success on the court and attracted national attention for the novelty of its regional operation, but it only survived from 1969-1974, before moving to St. Louis.

    What’s most interesting about the yearbook is the description of player Larry Miller, who later set the single-game record for ABA scoring in 1972, pouring in 67 against the Memphis Pros. The copy about Miller, however, focused more on his off-the-court scoring. An excerpt:

    “Here he is girls: Instant Party. The ABA’s most eligible bachelor. The Lochinvar in low cuts. Larry came to the Cougars from the Los Angeles Stars where he was one of the league’s All Rookie team members in his first season last year. Larry aspires to play guard and feels that he can do the job. Both Los Angeles and the Cougars have used him primarily as a forward but Larry has shown some proficiency with the three point goal.

    Larry Miller: "Instant Party."

    Off the court Larry is the blithe spirit of pro basketball. His wardrobe of mod attire rivals that of Joe Namath, but there are no mink coats in Larry’s closets. His off season activities include an acting career in Hollywood and a boys’ basketball camp in Charlotte. These keep him hopping between the east and west coasts.

    His Carolina abode is an evergreen surrounded country home located on a private lake. Larry shared the posh bachelors’ pad with teammate Rich Niemann, the Cougars’ 7-foot-1 center. Niemann’s upcoming marriage to a pretty young lady from Kansas City will leave Larry alone with Timmy, the German Shephard who was a pup when Larry was at UNC and has traveled back and forth across the country with him.

    But of course his loneliness in the posh pad will be dissipated with several thousand dollars worth of hi-fi equipment complete with special psychedelic lights and a collection of date books that is already approaching several volumes. How much suffering can a man take?”

    More Miscellaneous Media:

  • The Washington Senators Official MLB Yearbook. (1968)
  • Ugandan currency with Idi Amin’s picture. (1973)
  • Tom Van Arsdale basketball card. (1970)
  • “Okie from Muskogee” sheet music. (1969)
  • California Golden Seals hockey magazine. (1972)
  • Beatles Film Festival Magazine (1978)
  • ABA Pictorial (1968-69)
  • Tom Seaver’s Baseball Is My Life. (1973)
  • Hockey Digest (1973)
  • World’s Fair Guide (1964)
  • World’s Fair Guide (1939)
  • Buffalo Braves Yearbook (1972-73)
  • New York Nets Yearbook (1976-77)
  • “Tom Dooley” sheet music.

    • Recently Posted On NYC’s Craigslist

    June 12, 2010 in Misc., Urban Studies | Permalink

    Maybe the couch belongs to that whiny guy with all the hair from the Counting Crows. (Image by Snowdog.)

    CELEBRITY COUCH – OWNED BY SINGER! – $1000 (Midtown West)

    A famous singer owned this freaking couch. It costs $900 brand new at IKEA. It was given to me as a gift.

    Now i am moving out of my apartment and i need to sell it. The thing is super comfortable AND friends can sleep on this thing… if you take the back pillows off and put them on the ground, you can fit probably 5 people as guests sleeping over….

    *2 guests (a couple) laying together on one leg of the “L” couch (with the back pillows on the ground, creating more room on the L leg”

    *1 guest (an individual) laying other leg of the “L” couch (*Note: you’d probably want to be foot-to-foot, not head-to-head meeting at the middle of the L, because otherwise it could be awkward)

    *with the back pillows on the floor, you can create a mattress by putting them side-by-side, putting room for 2 more.

    So actually you could fit 6 people if you put two couples on the couch… niia hahaha!!!

    the bottom line is this… the couch below is the couch we got! BUT… it is the property of a singer!!! the singer is an awesome artist that you will know. You can probably charge guests $20.00 each to sit on the couch. possibly providing a sustainable revenue stream.

    The couch is about a year old, and has a small wine stain on it. Nothing a small patch can’t fix.

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    “Highlights” From Yet Another Terribly Embarrassing Week Of Afflictor Nonsense

    June 12, 2010 in Misc. | Permalink

    Afflictor: Helping giant street penguins in Tokyo fall asleep against buildings since 2009. (Image by Toshihiro Oimatsu.)

    Recently Posted On NYC’s Craigslist

    June 8, 2010 in Misc., Urban Studies | Permalink

    "Body not included." (Image by Scott Sanchez.)

    Ambulance for sale (coolest ride in town) – $2200 (Beacon)

    T1979 Ford ambulance in good to excellent condition, 50K, title in hand, body just about perfect with some light surface rust on the door edges, convert to bike hauler, camper or just ride around with the lights flashing and the sirens on to piss off your neighbors, auto snow chains etc. ONE BAD RIDE.

    P.S. one gurney included
    PPS. Body not included.

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    Did Jay Leno Quietly Fire The Rest Of The Tonight Show Band After Kevin Eubanks Quit?

    June 8, 2010 in Misc. | Permalink

    I want a new band, Mavis.

    When Tonight Show bandleader Kevin Eubanks stepped down from his position after close to two decades, something strange happened: Every member of the band also left. It’s hard to believe that none of these people wanted to keep the late-night gig and quit en masse just because their guffawing boss decided to move on. Eubanks has no doubt earned a ton of money and had the right to go off and do whatever he wants. But why would his backing musicians leave a steady, paying gig?

    On Eubanks’ last night, Leno hastily mentioned that the whole band was also leaving. No long goodbyes to them. When Leno introduced his new bandleader, Rickey Minor, on Monday, he was backed by an entirely new ensemble. Maybe Minor refused to exit his similar position at American idol and take the job if he couldn’t bring his people with him. But it seems odd that Leno, who tries to position himself as a loyal father figure and a friend of working people, would accede to such demands unless he was looking for an excuse to make a wholesale change to freshen up the show. Anyhow, it sucks for those musicians if that’s what happened. They’re obviously good at what they do and weren’t responsible for any of the show’s lameness.

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    Miscellaneous Media: The Washington Senators Official MLB Yearbook (1968)

    June 5, 2010 in Misc., Sports | Permalink

    The field at D.C. Stadium looked really crappy.

    I briefly got my grimy, grubby hands on a baseball yearbook for the 1968 Washington Senators. It cost a buck back in the day. The 1961-1971 Senators (who moved to Texas and became the Rangers after the 1971 season), were a consistently. Although the yearbook claimed that the Senators had “the confidence that comes from knowing that you have the talent and skill to win ballgames,” the team ultimately finished in tenth place that year with a 65-96 record. I suppose the efforts of pitcher Bill “GoGo” Gogolewski and his ilk were not enough to make a dent in the standings.

    Whoever originally owned this yearbook got one Senator to autograph his photo: the slick-fielding, weak-hitting shortstop Ed “Wimpy” Brinkman. What the yearbook couldn’t have anticipated was the historical event that occurred right before opening day and caused Brinkman to miss more than half of the 1968 campaign. An excerpt about Brinkman and his abbreviated season from his 2008 obituary in USA Today:

    “Eddie Brinkman, a record-setting shortstop during a 15-year career in the majors and a former high school teammate of Pete Rose, has died.

    Ed Brinkman missed a good chunk of the 1968 baseball season for a sad and unusual reason.

    The former Washington Senators and Detroit Tigers infielder, who was 66, had heart problems, according to The Washington Post. He died Tuesday in his hometown of Cincinnati.

    The Ohio native spent his final 17 years in baseball as a coach and then scout for the Chicago White Sox before retiring in 2000.

    Brinkman made his big-league debut at 19 in 1961 with Washington and played in an era when shortstops were known for their gloves, rather than their bats. He had career-best seasons came under Senators manager and Hall of Famer Ted Williams, who helped him bat .266 in 1969 and .262 in 1970.

    Brinkman missed much of the 1968 season while serving in the National Guard. A week after the assassination of Martin Luther King Jr., Brinkman was stationed in the left-field seats on opening day in Washington.”

    More Miscellaneous Media:

  • Ugandan currency with Idi Amin’s picture. (1973)
  • Tom Van Arsdale basketball card. (1970)
  • “Okie from Muskogee” sheet music. (1969)
  • California Golden Seals hockey magazine. (1972)
  • Beatles Film Festival Magazine (1978)
  • ABA Pictorial (1968-69)
  • Tom Seaver’s Baseball Is My Life. (1973)
  • Hockey Digest (1973)
  • World’s Fair Guide (1964)
  • World’s Fair Guide (1939)
  • Buffalo Braves Yearbook (1972-73)
  • New York Nets Yearbook (1976-77)
  • “Tom Dooley” sheet music.

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    “Highlights” From Another Underwhelming Week Of Afflictor

    June 5, 2010 in Misc. | Permalink

    Afflictor: Making baby gorillas drowsy since 2009. (Image by Bart Dubelaar)

    Old Print Ad: Viderm Skin Treatment (1949)

    June 3, 2010 in Misc. | Permalink

    I make myself sick when I look in the mirror.

    The fine folks at New York-based skin-care company known as Viderm weren’t bashful about pointing out how disgusting your face looked in 1949–especially you young women. You were all lonely, zit-faced losers, and the marketing people at Viderm were only too happy to exploit your discomfort. They wanted to make sure you felt like crap so you’d finally be compelled to wash your blotchy head. Some over-the-top copy from the ad:

    “Many women shut themselves out of the thrills of life–dates, romance, popularity, social and business success–only because sheer neglect had robbed them of the good looks, poise and feminine self-assurance which could so easily be theirs. Yes, everybody looks at your face. The beautiful complexion, which is yours for the asking, is like a permanent card of admission to all the good things in life that every woman craves. And it really can be yours–take my word for it!–no matter how discouraged you may be this very minute about those externally caused skin miseries.”

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    Afflictor Nation: In The Month Of May, Russia Defeated A Valiant Canada

    June 2, 2010 in Misc. | Permalink

    Russian supermodel Olga Antipova, age 21, shows off the latest Moscow fashions. It's rumored that Putin has his eye on her. (Image by Adam Jones.)

    I kid you not when I tell you that for the sixth straight month, Russia is the foreign country to ring up the most visits to Afflictor.com. Oh, Canada made a commendable effort, but by month’s end it wasn’t really close. Although Mother Russia is a giant stumblefuck in many other ways, the country reigns supreme in the eyes of Afflictor. In our Brooklyn offices, we couldn’t really be any prouder. After all, Russia has otherwise demonstrated steadfastly great taste in friends, diet, and human rights, so why shouldn’t it show equally astute judgement in websites. This vodka is for you, Russia, the overseas champion of Afflictor nation!

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