Eliot Spitzer

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“Two-Thirds Of Democrats, Or 67%, Said They Believe Mr. Spitzer…Should Be Given A Second Chance”

July 11, 2013 in Excerpts, Politics, Science/Tech | Permalink

The futility of old media in our decentralized age can’t be better demonstrated than when New York City tabloids decide to attack a politician they don’t like and define an election–and no one cares. That’s been the case with Eliot Spitzer, who’s been excoriated by the New York Daily News and New York Post in the days since reentering politics, yet has been received fairly well by the electorate. He’s been torn down much more viciously than Anthony Weiner since the latter jumped into the Mayoral race, probably because Spitzer actually had sex during his sex scandal. From the Wall Street Journal:

“Former New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer leads Manhattan Borough President Scott Stringer by nine percentage points in the race for New York City comptroller, according to a Wall Street Journal-NBC 4 New York-Marist poll.

Michael Howard Saul reports on former New York governor Eliot Spitzer’s rise in the polls in the race for New York City Comptroller before Spitzer is even officially on the ballot. 

Among registered Democrats, including those who are undecided but leaning toward a candidate, Mr. Spitzer outpaces Mr. Stringer 42% to 33% in the Democratic primary, the poll showed. Nearly a quarter of voters were undecided, but two-thirds of Democrats, or 67%, said they believe Mr. Spitzer, who resigned as governor five years ago after he was caught patronizing prostitutes, should be given a second chance.”

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“I’m Hopeful There Will Be Forgiveness”

July 8, 2013 in Excerpts, Politics | Permalink

At least I never texted pictures of my cock.

Remember when I suggested it would be interesting if Eliot Spitzer entered New York City’s lacklustre Mayoral race? Well, mothers lock up your daughters, because Spitzer is getting back into politics! Granted, he’s running for Comptroller, not Mayor, but it’s a start.

No, seriously, you really need to get your daughters out of harm’s way. This guy likes to choke hookers.

From the New York Times: “Eliot Spitzer, who resigned as governor of New York five years ago amid a prostitution scandal, is re-entering political life, with a run for the citywide office of comptroller and a wager that voters are ready to look past his previous misconduct.

Former Gov. Eliot Spitzer, hoping that voters have forgiven him his previous misconduct, will run for the citywide office of comptroller.

In a telephone interview on Sunday night, Mr. Spitzer, 54, sounding restless after an unwelcome hiatus from government, said he had re-envisioned the often-overlooked office and yearned to resurrect the kind of aggressive role he played as New York State’s attorney general. He said that after consulting with his family and taking the temperature of the city’s electorate, he believed New Yorkers would be open to his candidacy. ‘I’m hopeful there will be forgiveness, I am asking for it,’ he said.”

No, that was me.

No, that was me.

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“What If Eliot Spitzer Decided To Run For Mayor?”

April 29, 2013 in Politics, Urban Studies | Permalink

This might not matter to any readers outside of NYC, but our current mayoral race features the usual cast of characters, party-machine hacks and some outsider eccentrics, and none are very inspiring. It’s so bad that some have suggested that the disgraced former congressman Anthony Weiner get into the race. I don’t understand that one. Even before his fall from grace, I never quite knew what Weiner was supposed to be good at, apart from being young and ambitious. But what if Eliot Spitzer decided to run for mayor?

We know Spitzer is a weirdo creep, and his management skills as the Governor of New York State were lacking. But he’s a very bright and talented person who was on to all the Wall Street shenanigans long before they laid our economy low. 

Here are two things he would have to convince voters of before they could consider supporting him: Has he given up mistreating women? Has he learned from his stint in the governor’s mansion that consensus-building is important, that enemies should be treated as enemies, but potential allies shouldn’t be?

New Yorkers aren’t so rigidly moralistic that they would turn down the best option politically even if that person is damaged goods. Likely though, the Spitzer question is one we’ll never have answered.•

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Decoder: Eliot Spitzer And Kathleen Parker Discuss Their New CNN Show With The Huffington Post

June 24, 2010 in Humor, Misc., Politics | Permalink

The show's working title: "Governor Sexy Socks and the Right Wing Lady Earn a Paycheck for a Little While."

Kathleen Parker: We’re going to be an organic talk show where we sit around the kitchen table.

Decoder: The kitchen is the furthest room from the bedroom, right? I don’t want to be with Spitzer near a bedroom.

Eliot Spitzer: We all agree: BP is bad. That’s the easy part. Then you say OK, so what do you do? How do you actually solve the problem? How do you plug the hole?

Decoder: I shouldn’t have used that “plug the hole” phrase, right? But I’m not known for prudence. Except for that hooker named Prudence.

Eliot Spitzer: There’s still a lot of people who are not watching either [Bill O’Reilly and Keith Olbermann]. So somehow we’re figuring there’s still a little reservoir there, we’ll put our fishing rods in.

Decoder: That also sounded suggestive, didn’t it? Because of the stuff I did with all the whores.

Kathleen Parker: Actually, I think that we complement each other very well, and bring completely different perspectives and life experiences.

Decoder: Most of Spitzer’s experiences involve paying and humping.

And don't forget to watch "Heidi Fleiss 360°" at 10pm. She's no dumber than Greta. (Image by Daniel Dacumos,)

Eliot Spitzer: You put my name [on the show] and people will watch one night. I’m expendable.

Decoder: Just like I was when I was Governor of New York.

Kathleen Parker: I don’t really care if a Democrat or a Republican comes up with the right answer, I just want the one that works. And I think Eliot comes from that same place.

Decoder: He actually just came from a place called Madame Vanessa’s.

Eliot Spitzer: The way I look at it, if you want to be validated in your underlying world view, you go to [O’Reilly and Olbermann] and you feel good and they’re great shows. If you want to see something different, be challenged, be pushed…

Decoder: Or be choked–like a call girl for instance.

Kathleen Parker: [We’ll book people] that we’ve interacted with in our personal lives and our work.

Decoder: Spitzer has already booked Ashley, Summer, Montana, Destiny, Jade, Angel and Candy. Oh, and Kandy.

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Decoder: Governor David Paterson Announces The End Of His Campaign

March 1, 2010 in Humor, Politics | Permalink

 

Governor Paterson: Bros before hos, allegedly.

Governor Paterson: For the past 25 years, it has been my highest privilege to serve the people of New York.

Decoder: Except for all the times I did blow. I felt even more privileged to be high those times.

Governor Paterson: All the while I have tried to improve the quality of lives of families and fought special interests.

Decoder: By “special interests,” I mean women who were allegedly trying to file complaints against my buddies for allegedly abusing them.

Governor Paterson: I have laid the foundation for our fiscal economic rescue.

Decoder: And many women who are not my wife. That’s how D-Patz swings, baby.

Governor Paterson: We have eradicated the Rockefeller Drug Laws.

Decoder: I’m like a one man Cheech & Chong. What did you expect?

Governor Paterson: I am ending my campaign for governor of the state of New York.

Decoder: My unwinnable, unwanted, vomit-inducing campaign.

Governor Paterson: It has become clear that I cannot run for office and manage the state’s business at the same time.

Decoder: Actually, I can’t do either one separately. Not competently.

Governor Paterson: I am looking forward to a full investigation into actions taken by myself and my administration.

Decoder: I am likewise looking forward to someone performing exploratory surgery on my groin with a pickaxe.

Governor Paterson: I believe when the facts are reviewed, the truth will prevail.

Decoder: But, oh god, I hope not.

Governor Paterson: There are 308 days left in my term. I will serve every one of them fighting for the people of the state of New York.

Decoder: Until I step down in the next couple of weeks. Get ready, Dick Ravitch. Tag, you’re it, bitch.

Governor Paterson: I would like to thank New Yorkers for the wonderful opportunity to serve them.

Decoder: Though no one actually voted for me to be in this office. I walked into it ass backwards when Governor Sexy Socks got tossed out on his jockstrap.

Governor Paterson: I hope that history will remember that I fought the good fight and did what was hard.

Decoder: Especially hard drugs and hard alcohol.

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