Larry King: I forgot my suspenders at Duke Zeibert's.

Mitt Romney:
Some elements in the bill are good and many are bad. And the Democrats want to talk about the couple of maraschino cherries that are on top of the pile of dirt. But let’s talk, also, about the pile of dirt.

Decoder: Every time I look at you, Larry, I think of a pile of dirt. Usually it is being shoveled on top of a coffin.

Mitt Romney: Health care is no longer going to be the purview of states and individuals and families.

Decoder: Or the blood-sucking, money-grubbing health-care industry.

Mitt Romney: What I am is a defender of the truth.

Decoder: Like a Mormon Superman.

Mitt Romney: [Sarah Palin] is an energetic, positive force in the Republican party, a leader in our party, and having a positive impact on bringing out a lot of folks that were in the silent majority.

Decoder: They’re actually an annoyingly loud minority. But I like her because she isn’t actually going to run for President because then she’d be exposed as a fringe candidate, a Ron Paul in a dress.

Mitt Romney: I think [the Tea Party] is a good thing. I think it’s a good thing to see people becoming more involved in the political process.

Mitt Romney: Great hair and fungible politics.

Decoder: I used to be a basically decent guy if no rocket scientist. But I am now prepared to say anything and pander to anyone to become President. I’ve flipped my opinions on abortion and health-care reform with the casual ease of someone with no integrity.

Mitt Romney: But overall, the Tea Party movement is about reasonable men and women who are very concerned about the excessive growth of government.

Decoder: Yes, they’re the reasonable bigots.

Mitt Romney: I think my party’s basic core philosophy is much more attuned to [the Tea Party] than that of the Democratic party.

Decoder: We don’t have any non-white members, either.

Mitt Romney: [John McCain] is one of those guys that’s able to move things and make things happen.

Decoder: Except if you need someone to produce a steady stream of urine. He can’t make that happen.

Mitt Romney: I know some people say, gee, your Massachusetts health care plan isn’t conservative. I say oh, yes it is.

Decoder: Oh, no it isn’t.

Mitt Romney: [Running for President in 2012] is not a decision I have made yet.

Decoder: Of course I’m running. Do your think I’d be willing to stare at your reptilian face without a payoff?

Read other Decoders.