Misc.

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"I don't want to ruin 1500 lives." (Image by Elektromann.)

1500 live ladybugs, accidently bought while drunk, feels bad. (park slope)

So, after consuming pot brownies and getting a little too drunk on thanksgiving a friend and i decided to buy 1500 live ladybugs from amazon, which was a great idea until they came in the mail. Now they’re sitting on my windowsill and I have nothing to really do with them. If i set them free they’ll die in this weather, if I leave them on my windowsill they’ll die.

So, if you have a greenhouse or some kind of animals to feed them to it’d be awesome. I don’t want to ruin 1500 lives.

Email me and tell me what your’e gonna do with them, and if you can come pick them up. And they’re yours.

    As dangerous and destructive as extreme weather is, it’s also a wet dream for photographers looking to take amazing photos. Some of the best such recent images have been collected by the great photo site, The Big Picture. Tornadoes, lightning, hailstones and other of nature’s terrors are seen doing their damage all over the world in the online portfolio titled “Stormy Skies.” I don’t have permission to reprint any of them, but go here to have a look.

    Afflictor: Helping handsome couples fall asleep on the subway since 2009. (Image by Eric Skiff.)

    Italy's Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi: Yuck. (Image by Ricardo Stuckert.)

    July has been by far Afflictor’s best month of traffic, especially abroad. All sorts of people around the world apparently have nothing better to do than waste their time on an idiotic website. With dozens of nations checking in, we’d like to take this opportunity to extend a welcome to recent visitors Italy, Malaysia and Sweden, three countries not powerful enough to cause any real problems. I guess I should give up an especially warm welcome to you, Italy, my ancestral homeland. You know, Italy. It’s the boot-shaped one run by Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi, a gross media mogul without a trace of decency. Imagine Joe Francis with nine billion dollars and real political power. Berlusconi has made corruption, conflicts of interest and prostitution central parts of Italian government. Not a surprising performance coming from a guy who labeled Mussolini a “benign dictator.” No wonder my people left. Regardless: Welcome to Afflictor Nation, Italy, Malaysia and Sweden!

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    Roast beef sandwich and curly fries. (Image by Lenin and McCarthy.)

    VINTAGE Large Orange Arby’s R NEON SIGN w/Transformer – $50 (Stone Ridge)

    This is an original vintage 1970s large orange lower case letter R from an ARBY’S sign. Letter has been wired to a transformer stand and is in excellent working condition. Letter measures approx. 21.5 inches tall X 9 inches wide X 4.5 inches deep. Please feel free to e-mail me with any questions

    Arby’s was founded in Boardman, Ohio in 1964 by Forrest and Leroy Raffel, owners of a restaurant equipment business who believed there was a market opportunity for a fast food franchise based on a food other than hamburgers. The brothers wanted to call their restaurants “Big Tex,” but that name was being used by an Akron business. Instead, they chose the name “Arby’s,” based on R.B., the initials of Raffel Brothers (and the initials for “Roast Beef”).[7]

    The Raffel brothers opened the first new restaurant in Boardman, Ohio, just outside of Youngstown, on July 23, 1964. They initially served only roast beef sandwiches, potato chips and drinks. A year later, the first Arby’s licensee opened a restaurant in Akron, Ohio. The famous Arby’s “hat” was designed by the original signmakers, Peskin Sign Co.[8] (it continues to make signs for Wendy’s/Arby’s Group). Expansion to other states began in 1968, beginning in Pittsburgh (the closest large out-of-state market to Youngstown) and Detroit. The restaurants were initially designed to be more upscale than their hamburger competitors.

    During the 1970s, the expansion of Arby’s took place at a rate of 50 stores per year. During this time it created several menu items, including the Beef ‘n Cheddar, jamocha shakes, curly fries and two signature sauces: Arby’s BBQ sauce and horsey sauce. By 1981 it added chicken along with opening store number 1,000. It became the first restaurant in the fast food industry to offer a complete “lite” menu in 1991 with several sandwiches and salads under 300 calories and ninety four percent fat free.

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    "...and whatever he wanted the jailer had to give to him, whether it was pie or liberty." (Image by Sugar Pond.)

    Today you need a high-priced lawyer to get out of jail, but back in 1900 you just had to know hypnosis. According to an asinine article I found in the Brooklyn Daily Eagle, a jailbreak in Indiana occurred with the help of hypnosis. And the practice was likely to spread from Hoosier State to everywhere else, so something needed to be done. An excerpt:

    “A prisoner in the jail at Geneva, Indiana, who had been locked up for murderous assault, was not there when the keeper went in to feed him. On the contrary, an assistant jailer was there, looking dazed and apparently trying to think. It appears that the prisoner had transfixed the keeper with his glittering eye, told him to unlock the door, and when his instruction had been obeyed he walked into the free air, in which ambient and exhilarant medium he has disported ever since.

    He was a hypnotist, the prisoner was. He had only to look hard at the jailer, make him believe that he was under an influence, and whatever he wanted the jailer had to give to him, whether it was pie or liberty. This may lead to changes in the penal practice. If a convict can not be trusted to keep his eyes off his bosses he will have to wear green spectacles, or the keys will have to be kept in the office and not allowed in the hands of too sensitive underlings, or the matter may be arranged by putting the keepers into blinders. They would look funny in blinders, to be sure, but if the evil eye could be averted by wearing them, they might be work.”

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    Classy. (Image by Eberswalde Discothek Awerk.)

    I Want a Tattoo..and I can offer

    I’m an alt model (think suicidegirls) and a hypnotherapy student. If you ink me..I can hypnotize you. I will also link you on my websites so you get some site traffic.

    I’m here to help if its a fear or phobia or a nasty habit.

    I’m also a tarot reader and can offer readings for ink if you’d like…Have a nice day..

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    Don't throw me back into the creek.

    People had just as little common sense in Brooklyn at the end of the 19th-century as they do today, perhaps even less. I came across this odd article in the July 14, 1897 edition of the Brooklyn Daily Eagle. In the aftermath of a murder, two local men come into contact with what may be the disembodied head of the victim, and then handle their discovery with less than sheer brilliance. Despite the bungling, William Guldensuppe’s murderer was eventually captured and convicted; it was a barber named Martin Thorn, who had designs on his victim’s girlfriend and wanted him out of the picture. An excerpt:

    “James Ceter, an Italian rag picker, who says he lives somewhere on Purdy place, went to the Sixth Precinct Police Station this morning and told a story that may have important bearings on the Guldensuppe murder case.

    Ceter said that while he was working very early in the morning at the dump on Scott avenue, near Newtown Creek, he was approached by an unknown man, apparently a German, who held in his hand a human head. The Italian says that the head had a small black mustache and a gash on the left cheek.

    In accosting the Italian, the German said: ‘Look at this! I found it down at the creek.’ The two men talked together for a moment and came to the conclusion, so Ceter says, that the proper course would be to throw the head back into the creek. This, the Italian said, was done.

    Acting on the Italian’s story the police of the Sixth Precinct are engaged to-day in grappling in the waters of the creek. Ceter describes his chance acquaintance as a man of medium height and about 50 years of age. He had a reddish gray mustache and wore dark clothes and a jersey.

    The dredging of the creek was done by Detective Sergeant Baker and Officer Trenchard and Tracy, under the personal direction of Captain Lees. They were still at work when the Eagle went  to press. They were watched by a large and curious crowd.”

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    Actual before and after photos. (Image by Mariuszjbie.)

    REAL Doctors, REAL Science, REAL Results!

    I must admit, the penis is a man’s best friend. While I was in college, I did the typical guy thing. Went to bars, hung out with chicks; but getting them into bed was another story. When I was fortunate enough to finally score, it was guaranteed embarrassment. That’s what brought me to this site. Having a 4 inch penis can’t be the most popular thing among woman. Now that I’ve tried Dr MaxMan, pulling down my pants is no longer my biggest worry. Will she be able to handle this my monster python? That’s what I ask myself now. Thank You Dr MaxMan!–Jeff, Phoenix, AZ

    Ol' Sparky: I thought I was your best friend.

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    The Blazers, which had relocated from Philly, shared an arena with the Canucks of the NHL.

    I briefly got my bruised, double-jointed fingers on a copy of a 1974-75 guide for the Vancouver Blazers of the old World Hockey Association. As I’ve stated before, I’m no big fan of hockey, but why not take a gander at an old piece of miscellaneous media?

    The WHA operated in  the U.S. and Canada in the 1970s, trying to compete with the NHL. The Vancouver Blazers were only a fleeting part of that city, soon moving on to become the Calgary Cowboys.  It was a different sport in those days, with small salaries and an emphasis on toughness and fighting. One player listed under “Future Blazers” was Rick Jodzio, who was the son of a middleweight boxer and spent a good amount of off-ice time hitting the heavy bag. When the team moved to Calgary, Jodzio was involved in one of the sport’s most infamous moments, in which he was taken to court after beating Quebec Nordiques player Marc Tardif so badly that he was hospitalized. (Of course, footage of that brawl exists online.)

    A more typical player was veteran right winger Johnny McKenzie. An excerpt about him from the guide:

    “Whether they call him ‘Pie’ or ‘Cowboy,’ just two of his nicknames, they’ve been calling McKenzie a big-leaguer since he broke in with the Chicago Black Hawks in 1958. He also spent time with Detroit Red Wings and New York Rangers before joining the Boston Bruins in 1965. Although he never weighed more than 175 pounds, he became the symbol of the Bruins’ toughness and one of the most feared checkers in the National Hockey League. Born in High River, Alberta, he makes his year-round home in Vancouver. At one time he broke broncs and rode Brahma bulls in a rodeo circuit.”

    More Miscellaneous Media:

  • John Hummer NBA card.
  • Carolina Cougars ABA Yearbook. (1970)
  • The Washington Senators MLB Yearbook. (1968)
  • Ugandan currency with Idi Amin’s picture. (1973)
  • Tom Van Arsdale basketball card. (1970)
  • Okie from Muskogee” sheet music. (1969)
  • California Golden Seals hockey magazine. (1972)
  • Beatles Film Festival Magazine (1978)
  • ABA Pictorial (1968-69)
  • Tom Seaver’s Baseball Is My Life. (1973)
  • Hockey Digest (1973)
  • World’s Fair Guide (1964)
  • World’s Fair Guide (1939)
  • Buffalo Braves Yearbook (1972-73)
  • New York Nets Yearbook (1976-77)
  • “Tom Dooley” sheet music.
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    Afflictor: Helping Challenger astronauts fall asleep head to toe on the mid-deck since 2009.

    The original Nathan's shop on Coney Island. (Image by J. Reed.)

    Nathan’s Hot Dog Items (Levittown/hicksville)

    We are having a “Nathan’s Hotdog” themed party for my son….Nathan obviously. The company will not sell me anything at all. I bought plates, hats, napkins and cups off the website but need more! I want everything….table clothes, ketchup packets, banners, balloons, anything and everything! If anyone knows a way I can get this stuff and/or has anything…..please contact me!

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    Ouch.

    I want to apologize for the posts being fewer and crappier this week than usual. I have an earache in my right ear and it ain’t no fun. I want to dispel the Internet rumors that I got my earache because I ran out of Q-Tips and used a toilet plunger to clean my ears. Untrue. It was actually a monkey wrench. While my ear hurts like a bastard, it is monkey-wrench clean. So there.

    Canada: Afflictor and ice hockey are all we have.

    July has proven to be a landmark month for Afflictor in terms of traffic from foreign countries. Singapore, Russia, Ireland, Australia, Sweden and many other nations too crappy to mention have wasted their time on this idiot website. But one country has really gone above and beyond in ringing up the visits and that has been our neighbor to the North, Canada. If you’re not familiar with Canada, it is a place where the populace is inordinately proud that they have discovered a different type of bacon and most residents live in houses constructed from hailstones and shattered hockey sticks. Every now and then, there’s separatist tension between French- and English-speaking peoples, but it’s quickly called off when everyone remembers that it’s too fucking cold to fight a proper civil war. Then they return to their ice huts and eat flipper pie and look at Afflictor. It’s very sad, really.

    Lentils. (Image by Zyance.)

    MY BIG KEHUNA FOR LENTILS (Upper West Side)

    Hi… I’m sick of being a KOHEN. Just too much responsibility.

    I’m not selling my rites, but will trade it for LENTILS or a PRIUS.

    But before you commit, you should learn more.

    Even though the following goes into detail… all you have to do is get up three times a year in your dirty socks (and on high holidays) and hless the congregation. Not too hard. I recommend this for SINGLE MEN 18-32. After that stuff gets really complicated.

    WHAT IS A KOHEN?

    A Kohen (or Kohen, Hebrew ëÉÌäÅï, ‘priest’, pl. ëåäðéí, Kohanim) is a Jew who is in direct patrilineal descent from the Biblical Ahron. The Kohanim comprise a family dynasty within the larger Jewish Levitical tribe. Kohanim enjoy an honored status in Judaism, with certain designated rights and responsibilities[1].

    Today, Kohanim have a distinct, honored status and remain bound by Torah and Rabbinic laws in Orthodox and, to a lesser extent, in Conservative Jewish communities.

    Although Kohanim may assume their duties once they reached physical maturity, the fraternity of Kohanim generally would not allow young Kohanim to begin service until they reached the age of 20.[10] There was no mandatory retirement age. Only when a Kohen became physically infirm could he no longer serve.[11]

    Certain imperfections could disqualify a Kohen from serving in the Temple. Since the Temple was a place of beauty and the services that were held in it were designed to inspire visitors to thoughts of repentance and closeness to God, a less than physically perfect Kohen would mar the atmosphere.

    These blemishes include:

    1. blindness
    2. lameness
    3. an excessively low nasal bridge (such that a straight brush could apply ointment to both eyes simultaneously)
    4. disproportionate limbs
    5. a crippled foot or hand
    6. cataracts
    7. a white streak that transverses the junction between sclera (white part of the eyeball) and iris
    8. certain types of boils
    9. crushed testicles- That’s got to hurt!

    A Kohen who was afflicted with one of these imperfections was held unfit for service. However, should it be a correctable imperfection, he would become eligible for service should the defect be corrected. At any time, he was permitted to eat of the holy food (same source as above, including adjacent verses and commentaries). Kohanim with these blemishes would be assigned to secondary roles in the Temple outside of performing the service itself.

    BUT WAIT THERE IS SOME GOOD STUFF!

    The twenty-four Kohanic gifts

    The Kohanim were compensated for their service role in the Temple through 24 special “priestly gifts.” These were:[13]

    Gifts given in the Temple area were portions of:

    1. an animal brought as a sin-offering
    2. a bird brought as a sin-offering
    3. a burnt-offering
    4. an offering for uncertain guilt
    5. a peace offering
    6. the olive oil offering of a metzora
    7. the two loaves of bread brought on Shavuot
    8. the Showbread
    9. the Mincha offerings
    10. the Omer offering

    Gifts given within the walls of Jerusalem were:

    1. the firstborn of any domestic kosher animal
    2. the Bikkurim (first fruits)
    3. the inner organs of certain offerings
    4. the skins of certain offerings

    Gifts which could be given inside or outside Jerusalem were:

    1. Terumah (a portion of the harvest)
    2. Terumat Ma’aser (a tithe of the Levite’s tithe)
    3. Challah (a portion of dough)
    4. the first shearing of the sheep
    5. the Forleg, Cheeks and Abomasum of all non-sanctified, ritually slaughtered domestic animals
    6. Pidyon haben (five silver shekels for the redemption of a firstborn Israelite son)
    7. a sheep or goat redeemed for a firstborn donkey
    8. a property or possession dedicated to the Temple without specifying to which use it is to be given
    9. inherited fields that were dedicated to the Temple and not reclaimed
    10. the theft repayment to a convert who has died, leaving no heirs.

    Toyota Prius. (Image by Gnsin.)

    Females, who did not serve in the Tabernacle or the Temple, were permitted to consume and/or derive benefit from some of the 24 priestly gifts. But if a Kohen’s daughter married a man from outside the Kohanic line, she was no longer permitted to benefit from the priestly gifts. Conversely, the daughter of a non-priest who married a Kohen took on the same rights as an unmarried daughter of a Kohen.

    In every generation when the Temple was standing, one Kohen would be singled out to perform the functions of Kohen Gadol (High Priest). His primary task was the Yom Kippur service. Other Kohen Gadol unique acts included the offering of a daily meal sacrifice, and the prerogative to supersede any Kohen and offer any offering he chose.

    Although the Torah retains a procedure to select a Kohen Gadol when needed, in the absence of the Temple in Jerusalem, there is no Kohen Gadol today.

    NOW HERE IS WHERE THINGS GETS TRICKY!!!

    Ritual defilement

    The Kohanim formed a holy order. For the purpose of protecting them against ritual defilement, the Torah imposed on them the following rules for ritual purity, which are still maintained to a certain degree in Orthodox Judaism.

    Kohanim are forbidden to come in contact with dead bodies. They are permitted, however, to become defiled for their closest relatives: father, mother, brother, unmarried sister, and child. Defilement of a Kohen to his wife -although not biblically explicit- is permitted by Rabbinical order.

    • A Kohen is forbidden to enter any house or enclosure, in which a dead body (or part therof), may be found.[14 Practical examples of these prohibitions include: not entering a cemetery or attending a funeral; not being under the same roof (i.e. in a home or hospital) as a dismembered organ. The exact rules and regulations of defilement are quite complex, but a cursory rule of thumb is that they may not enter a room with a dead person or come within a few feet of the body. Proximity to the corpse of a non-Jew is less serious and may only be an issue if actual contact is established.

    •A male Kohen may not marry a divorcee, a prostitute, a convert, or a dishonored woman (Hebrew “çììä”).[18] A Kohen who enters into such a marriage loses the entitlements of his priestly status while in that marriage. The kohen is not allowed to voluntarily forego his status and marry a woman prohibited to him.[19]

    Talmudically, were a Kohen to marry in disregard of the above prohibitions, his marriage would be effective. Children born of the union do not have mamzer status. However, these children are termed Chalal (“disqualified”) and do not possess Kohen status.

    The Kohen Gadol may marry a virgin only.

    During the period of the Holy Temple, Kohanim were required to abstain from wine and all strong drink before and while performing their priestly duties.

    LOOK IF THE MESSIAH COMES IN YOUR TIME…you are in great shape. If PETA isn’t up your butt, you could make a nice living.

    Fake boobs. Stay classy, New Orleans. (Image by Howie Luvzus.)

    Natural Breast Enhance !!!

    • Increment of bust size from 30A to 32B
    • Firmer and more toned breasts from 34B to 34C
    • Pinkish nipples and fairer breast skin
    • Menopausal customers experience more vaginal secretion
    • Lesser hot flushes and relief of menstrual symptoms
    • Achieve breast fullness
    • Smoother and tighter breast skin

    VISIT SAIT!

    Afflictor: Making pairs of Iranian men fall asleep on opposite ends of park benches since 2009. (Image by Bertil Videt.)

    Away from me, you vampire!

    Custom Vampire Fangs / Dental Tooth Flippers/Caps – $69 (Lower East Side)

    We Are One Of The Best and Only Stable And Well known Custom Fang Makers In NYC (Just Ask About “Penguins and Vampires). We Use The Top Of The Line Dental Acrylic (all ADA Approved)and Customize each pair to the customers teeth for the most realistic Fangs that will have your own mother have Nightmares. We Also Make Fake Teeth That Clip in between Your Own teeth or Tooth Caps For Chipped/Broken Teeth.

    Our Shop Has bin around For Over 20 years and Have bin know for its custom Guitar Straps, Leather goods including: S&M Selections That Supply most NYC Fetish Shops. Sub culture T-Shirts. Custom Collectible Brass Knuckles, And Many More Thing That you Would Never Think you Can Have customized.

    By Appointment Only.

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    It looks "30$" thicker.

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    Wow, that hurt like a bastard!

    selling bullet proof look alike vest – $75 (Upper West Side)

    selling bullet proof look alike vest. the vest looks like the real deal but its not bullet proof, i has gun holster, clip pockets mase pocket, clips to close the vest. selling for $75 no less text or call only if serious dont waste my time

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    The Singapore Chamber of Commerce.

    The traffic numbers from this weekend are in and those of us in the Afflictor offices in Brooklyn are excited to announce that we have our first visitors from the island nation of Singapore. In many ways, Singapore is a sophisticated, modern country. It has a diverse populace and economy, a dense population that allows for efficient use of resources, a thriving port and great cuisine. But there’s one sort of embarrassing thing about Singapore. How do we put it delicately? They can’t stop caning the living shit out of each other. Since the country has little serious violent crime but occurrences of petty crime (the kind that will get you a caning), we have to assume they’re into it, they’re really, really into it. Maybe it’s a sexual thing. Who knows, but Singapore is the caning capital of the world. Well, apart from the vicious and repeated canings, you have to give Singapore credit for its sleek and comfortable rail transportation. It’s good for the environment and it gives citizens a place to rest their bleeding asses. Anyhow: Welcome, Singapore, to Afflictor Nation!

    What's that thing? Ken doesn't have one of those.

    Adult Talking Toy Doll Flasher – $5 (Coop City)

    “Watch Me Grow ” Adult Talking Toy Doll Flasher

    The Very Dirty Willy

    The “Watch Me Grow ” doll is a sound activated adult toy. It is 9″ inches tall and requires 3 “AA” batteries (not included). When Willy detects sound, he opens up his trench coat, exposes himself, and speaks any one of five possible comments. Comments include:

    • “Oh yeah, I’m hot. I’m ready”
    • “Hey, Hey Hey, I’ve got this big rod”
    • “Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha”
    • “Yeah, super, superman does not need viagra”
    • “That’s why I’m dirty berdy, ha, ha,ha,ha”

    Makes a great gag gift or conversation starter.

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    Uncle Sam: Wanna feel my muscular thighs? Go ahead--give 'em a squeeze.

    Saying the Pledge of Allegiance in 1899.

    Sea Captain William Driver was the first to nickname his flag "Old Glory."

    Patriotic women, who had emigrated to America, work on the flag in 1919.

    Hates commies, loves face paint. (Image by Ragesoss.)

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    Afflictor: Making self-portraits of French painter Joseph Ducreux yawn since 2009.

    Jay Leno: Someone wants my autograph, Mavis.

    Autograph Collection (World leaders, Celebrities, Sports, Politics)

    For the past many years I have been collecting autographs and have had correspondence with some of the most famous people in the world. I have amassed a collection of around 200 items:

    Some of my favorites include:

    Fidel Castro
    Gerald Ford
    Three Doors Down
    Arnold Palmer
    Jack Nikolaus (Personal Page long letter)
    Danica Patrick
    All US Governors (Besides 4)
    Most Current US Senators
    Hamid Karzai
    Sandra Day O’Connor (Signed Photo + personal page long letter)
    Bob Barker
    Barbra Streisand
    Jay Leno

    I have kept all autographs in protective sleeves. Please email me for pictures of the collection.

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