“Technology we have been developing…”

Sex Toy Startup Company – Please Donate – $1

Were raising money to launch a new company designing and manufacturing adult pleasure and lifestyle products! Technology we have been developing will go into new and novel adult pleasure products for men, women and couples.

Free English lessons for bdsm ‘torture’ (Queens/Manhattan)

I’m an experienced teacher and quite good at helping a student improve her English.

I’m male…

If I help you with your English, will you torture me a bit?

I’m in my late 30s, presentable, kind…kinky.

I’ll work hard to help you if you’ll help me a bit with my fantasy.

Why not try!? It can be fun!

“It is just my lifestyle.”

Naked Guitar Lessons via Webcam – $50

I am a guitar teacher who happens to be a little bit of a nudist (male). I am now accepting students via webcam across the country. The is no sexual intended or implied, it is just my lifestyle. I feel more comfortable in the nude and will make it easier for me to help you master the guitar.

I can teach all levels from beginner to advanced and am flexible on times.

Imagine the ease of learning to master the ax without having to go anywhere!

life or death of family

Please help me and my family. There is a hit out on us. Details when you call. There is a plan to kill 5-6 people. Any advice or help would be welcomed. ThANK YOU.

“Alaskan Thunder Fuck.”

Fruits – $420 (Upper West Side)

I have some of the best strains you will touch right now 100% official. I have some Alaskan Thunder Fuck, Black Cherry Soda, Sweet Banana Diesel and also Blueberry Kush, last but not least some Blue Dream. As you can see the is a variety and great price if you are interested please reply back with your name and a number plus your desire.

I Want to Fuck Joan Rivers (Lower East Side)

Sure, she is a bit long in the tooth but the woman has spirit and isn’t afraid to say what is on her mind. That kind of character is sexy. She is highly emotional and I bet she is still a firecracker in the sack. For all those reasons, I am IN.

Rate my cock – 35 (here and there)

I’d like honest opinions, if you are willing.

Reply back, and I’ll send you a pic.

“He projectile vomited at least 2x a day for the first year of his life.”

Any doctors reading this? (NYC)

I know this is probably one of the most bizarre posts you’ll ever see, but I’m honestly to the point where I will seek answers anywhere.

My 3 year old son has had a profoundly sensitive gag reflex since birth. When he was born, he projectile vomited at least 2x a day for the first year of his life. We were told he would outgrow it but it has continued. He doesn’t vomit as much as he used to, but he still gags at the drop of a hat, eats almost nothing, lives almost exclusively on formula (with the exception of crackers and a few other dry foods), can’t brush his teeth, etc.

We have taken him to 2 gastroenterologists, an ENT, a neurologist, had 2 swallow studies done, had him put under for a full exam by the gastro and ENT last year, etc. No one can find any physical reason for his problem.

He has been on reflux meds (it is not reflux) and he went to feeding therapy for a long time and it did nothing for him and his therapist said it was a waste of time.

Now, he’s about to turn 3. He’s an incredibly smart and engaging little boy. He’s sweet and loving and fun. He is advanced intellectually. He has no other clear developmental problems that anyone can detect.

However — He can’t eat most foods!!! He can’t brush his teeth. He’s terrified of putting things in his mouth. If you even mention to him that you are going to brush YOUR OWN teeth in the bathroom, the thought of it makes him gag.

No one has any answers for me. I am tired of bringing him to doctors and having them shrug their shoulders and say “there’s nothing we can do.”

I just thought maybe, just maybe, someone reading this in their down time at work might have an answer. Maybe you are a doctor with a slow schedule today or a nurse or technician who has seen this before. Just send me ideas. Send me names of doctors I might be able to take him to that you would recommend. Send me anything you think might help.

I feel like there should be some kind of medication I can give him to lessen his gag reflex.

“I am a ramrod of reason.”

Culture through Poetry: Legalize Cannabis! – $25 (West Village)

Poems written in an acute, focused style highlighting the literary and social legitimacy of Cannabis Hemp’s natural resource capability.

I will mail the copies you want for $20 apiece. I have 3 volumes of unique verse for sale. Thanks!

Here’s a taste:

“Penetrating”

This is fight and flight poetry,
I’m still on the run;
Where there’s fraternity
There ain’t yet a one.

Can’t fathom the truthfulness,
Can’t play the fairway,
As torture is to torture-
Snake oil fuels the flames.

Knowing numbers are one,
Spark the internal combustion;
Wall’s masonry falls to love,
Like a seduction.

The cavalry charge comes thundering,
The cornerstone ever of truth;
Praying on power’s plant
And down comes the roof.

‘Cause riding in a Hearst reality,
Living dead are so resistant to change;
It’s still 1937
When the future was betrayed.

And they all shuffle along-
These dandies today;
There’s no heart in the politics,
Because for a short time, crime really does pay.

My mind is focused fission,
And justice, Aye, my root’s escape;
As time is just motion,
The future is ingrained.

As if you don’t know this,
This is not a power play;
When you stand on those parallel tracks,
You will get hit by the train.

Who poisoned the water?
Who poisoned the soul?
Who poisoned the poetry?
That witch needs to be rolled!

She needs a strong seed
To create a new home;
Penetrating the bush,
Giving the dog a bone.

‘Cause I am ramrod of reason
And a fuck full of hope;
Pushing it to the limits,
Bringing it back home.•

“My mind is focused fission.”

“Now”

To rolling a boulder,-
The sun’s revolution a spinning game;
And words are just words,
In lessons of rain.

The fire is a mystery,-
Sky stands with forever height;
The polarity of sunshine,
Is being in the light.

One’s wheat is like the weather,
Still leaves feed the hunger of man;
Will the will of nature,
Times seed to the land.

A swirling sun swinging,
Has a symbol gone astray?
To realize the one,
Is reaping the hay.

I believe the dream now,
Is just a stone’s throw away;
The history of greed now,
Has outlived it’s day.

With one seed now-
Turn night into day;
It’s the land of the free now,
But where is the faith?•

“When the winds are wicked, fly Franklin’s hemp kite.”

“Lightning Strike”

We’ve learned to live,
We’ve learned to kill;
Yet naturally laugh,
And need our fill.

Love could be the precision
That focuses our will;
Battles are lost
When they’re fought uphill.

Olympus is high ground
Like fish need gills;
To find the money in oil
You need a drill.

Drill it in,
Snug and tight;
A fit is a fit,
And a fight is a fight.

Darkness shadow crumbles,
The source is the light;
Some things seem like they change,
Almost overnight.

And learning is learning,
As wisdom is might;
Our history might learn now to-
-Lightning Strike-

When the winds are wicked,
Fly Franklin’s hemp kite;
To illuminate the world,
21st century nights.•

“Cat has commenced peeing somewhere (????) in the bathroom.”

Piss couch $2 (cat included) – $2 (bushwick)

FOR SALE: one couch from urban outfitters, arms removeable (as shown in pic, no couch arms, threw them away in early morning rage), grey/beige, drenched in dried cat urine, pullout bed with storage underneath cushions, some staining with thin layer of oxiclean petfresh carpet deodorizer applied drunkenly every 2-3 days.

Previous owners left us this couch with some basic liquid stains. Covered it with a sheet, no problem, until cat felt comfortable enough to begin urination starting on left side and moving slowly to the right, always finding a new spot forcing us to 1) in the beginning sit only on right side and then 2) create a make shift couch on the floor using v chic leopard print blanket/bed pillows. Used v large amounts of natures miracle URINE DESTROYER until it became apparent that $30 every week was unsustainable $, then sort of allowed couch to become temporary litter box until got shit together. Inadvertently rewarded cat for frequent, inappropriate urination with small amounts of deli turkey (cat LOVES deli turkey) because of cat cute-ness, cat went insane. peed when no turkey was available when cat woke up from nap (7 nap a day). Couch worsened, commence treatment of arm and hammers stain remover. Owner of couch (me) went insane, threatened to urinate on couch as well, did NOT urinate on couch (no human urine on couch, seriously) instead withdrew steady supply of deli turkey to Banjo (the cat) as punishment, covered couch in fresh deodorizing powder. Cat will no longer walk on the couch because powder is not pleasing to his paws, has commenced peeing somewhere (????) in the bathroom, source currently unlocated, but strong smell of urine pervasive throughout, candles have been lit and v much wine has been poured, tears been shed. Looking to unload couch and cat on open-minded individual interested in owning disgusting, smelly couch and needy, cute, evil terror cat (loves to cuddle!!!).

Asking price is $2, but open to negotiation (accept bottles of wine, a shoulder to cry on) as couch and cat are probably unsavable.

“Loves to cuddle!!!”