Kathleen Parker

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Many middle-aged white women in America have become increasingly addicted to OxyContin and other pain medications in the last decade. It hasn’t only spiked the number of overdoses in white women of a certain age, but it could possibly lead them to being accident-prone drivers or perhaps stealing to support their habit. And if they have trouble doctor-shopping, maybe they are buying street drugs which leads to a black market and violence.

Washington Post columnist Kathleen Parker is a white woman in that age group. She should be profiled not only by police who hope to reduce illicit drug purchases but also by armed civilians in cars who pursue her while she’s on foot. She is naturally a suspect because of how she looks. Perhaps those are just Skittles in her bag, but who knows? Maybe she’s wandering around your neighborhood looking for her dealer. According to Kathleen Parker’s reasoning, it’s just common sense that she be stopped and frisked, that other citizens must stand their ground. 

From her latest column:

“The point is that this is one of those rare instances in which everyone is right within his or her own experience. African Americans are right to perceive that Martin was followed because he was black, but it is wrong to presume that recognizing a racial characteristic is necessarily racist. It has been established that several burglaries in Zimmerman’s neighborhood primarily involved young black males.

Picture Zimmerman’s neighbor Olivia Bertalan, a defense witness, hiding in her locked bedroom with her infant and a pair of rusty scissors while two young males, later identified as African American, burglarized her home. They ran when police arrived.

This is not to justify what subsequently transpired between Zimmerman and Martin but to cast a dispassionate eye on reality. And no, just because a few black youths caused trouble doesn’t mean all black youths should be viewed suspiciously. This is so obvious a truth that it shouldn’t need saying and yet, if we are honest, we know that human nature includes the accumulation of evolved biases based on experience and survival. In the courtroom, it’s called profiling. In the real world, it’s called common sense.”

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The show's working title: "Governor Sexy Socks and the Right Wing Lady Earn a Paycheck for a Little While."

Kathleen Parker: We’re going to be an organic talk show where we sit around the kitchen table.

Decoder: The kitchen is the furthest room from the bedroom, right? I don’t want to be with Spitzer near a bedroom.

Eliot Spitzer: We all agree: BP is bad. That’s the easy part. Then you say OK, so what do you do? How do you actually solve the problem? How do you plug the hole?

Decoder: I shouldn’t have used that “plug the hole” phrase, right? But I’m not known for prudence. Except for that hooker named Prudence.

Eliot Spitzer: There’s still a lot of people who are not watching either [Bill O’Reilly and Keith Olbermann]. So somehow we’re figuring there’s still a little reservoir there, we’ll put our fishing rods in.

Decoder: That also sounded suggestive, didn’t it? Because of the stuff I did with all the whores.

Kathleen Parker: Actually, I think that we complement each other very well, and bring completely different perspectives and life experiences.

Decoder: Most of Spitzer’s experiences involve paying and humping.

And don't forget to watch "Heidi Fleiss 360°" at 10pm. She's no dumber than Greta. (Image by Daniel Dacumos,)

Eliot Spitzer: You put my name [on the show] and people will watch one night. I’m expendable.

Decoder: Just like I was when I was Governor of New York.

Kathleen Parker: I don’t really care if a Democrat or a Republican comes up with the right answer, I just want the one that works. And I think Eliot comes from that same place.

Decoder: He actually just came from a place called Madame Vanessa’s.

Eliot Spitzer: The way I look at it, if you want to be validated in your underlying world view, you go to [O’Reilly and Olbermann] and you feel good and they’re great shows. If you want to see something different, be challenged, be pushed…

Decoder: Or be choked–like a call girl for instance.

Kathleen Parker: [We’ll book people] that we’ve interacted with in our personal lives and our work.

Decoder: Spitzer has already booked Ashley, Summer, Montana, Destiny, Jade, Angel and Candy. Oh, and Kandy.

More Decoders:

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