“She is the most tiniest and the sexiest girl I know.”

I’m in love with my cousin (Staten Island Mall)

I think I’m in love with my cousin. She is the most wonderful-est person I know. She is the most tiniest and the sexiest girl I know. She’s been thru a lot. A lot of guy problems, etc. I wish I can just take all the aches and pains away from her and give her the love that she needs and deserves. I wish I can just say all these things and a lot more to her face to face but I can’t…cuz she’s my cousin. I know what you all must be thinking that this is weird and I can’t and shouldn’t have these feelings for her. But if you saw what I saw in her, you would know.  I wasn’t meant to be her cousin. I love her too much.

“I don’t mean stop eating the foods you LOVE and start eating grass!”

Feeling alone again?

Sick of feeling tired and sluggish? Feel like you weight or size is interfering with your love life? Or worse, you figured out that the reason that you are alone is because of your health? Well I’m here to help you. To help you kill the fucking fat, and GET THE GIRLS! It all starts with your nutrition, no I don’t mean stop eating the foods you LOVE and start eating grass! I mean you need to mix in some GOOD, WORKING supplements into whatever you are doing. STOP WASTING TIME, MONEY, AND ENERGY ON AXE SPRAYS, B.S. CLOTHES, OR STUPID/EXPENSIVE SHOES. The PERMANENT way to get fit, and get the girls, is to make a CHANGE. So commit to the important stuff. If you’re interested in getting more details, just contact me on email. I hope to talk to you soon. Take care.

“I’m 64 years old, 5’9″ 220 lbs.”

For voyeur couple (NYC)

I am from Montreal, Canada. I am 64 years old, 5’9″ 220 lbs. I do not drink, do not smoke. If you’d like a “companion” for your wife for a short while (a week or so?), perhaps I could come down and visit…and occupy the bed while you, sir, sleep on the couch…..

“No I do not want to give you a blow job.”

I’ll be your friend and you be my friend (Downtown)

It sucks out here. And it sucks worse when you have no friends for no good reason. Me: (Im)mature old fart; highly intelligent (or difficult to get along with); can be funny, depending; financially and physically pitiful; prone to depression; broke (very); sophisticated (look it up); ugly; fat; shrewish; parent. I smoke cigarettes. I drink beer. Interests include: Your car; poker; scrabble (3 minutes–I have ADD); ‘treasure hunting’; fishing (bring a wheel chair); metal detecting (bring a wheel chair); arts; antiques; collectibles; avid reader; coonhound owner; musical tastes very very eclectic and loved; writer; cook; (food when available); apolitical because it’s pointless but yeah I’d wear a hoodie and eat skittles for sure; yada yada.

You could be 18. You could be 79. Male. Female. Homo. Trans. Cripple. You could be a poor person. You could be a “Master of the Universe.” I love everybody and can talk to anybody. In turn you are also non-judgemental.

Just looking for friends–you know like someone to talk to and shit. 

Please include phone number.

No I do not want to give you a blow job.

Is this the life or what (Midtown)

Sooo…I just masturbated at work, and then after I went to go get a sandwich. Is this life or what!

“There must have been 200 of them all over the bed.”

Bedbug Success Stories

Can someone tell me how to get rid of bedbugs on their own !!! I got a used dresser, night stands, and a hope chest that is at the foot of the bed. Then about 6 months later my husband felt something on his foot, he used the flashlight in his cell phone to look in sheets. THERE MUST HAVE BEEN 200 OF THEM ALL OVER THE BED !!!! We threw everything outside at like 2am then burned it later that day.

Too late – they were in every room (couches, and the beds of my 3 young children) !!! HELP !!!!

“Some 420 wouldn’t hurt either.”

I need BOOZE pls help (Brooklyn)

Hey as the title says I need some booze I’m really stressed and broke I haven’t drank in about a year not that I’m recovering alcoholic I just haven’t had the need but now I’m stressed and broke and before I do something stupid thought I would get drunk and just take a break from all the craziness in my life so if you have any booze you don’t want hit me up if your not to far I’ll come by and pick it up.

Some 420 wouldn’t hurt either.

Thanks for reading and thanks on advance.