Satan’s catheter.
Toilets are for losers.
They sure are, brother.
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Mika Brzezinski and a sexist toaster debating the merits of twerking.
It’s worse than genocide.
You’re old and pretty.
He’s also ageist.
Dr. Jonas Salk’s fourth cousin inventing a cure for polo.
Die, you dreaded disease!
Has anyone seen Chestnut?
A Beatles reunion in 2013.
Watch out, Ringo…TRUCK!
The Incredible Hulk abandoning his family.
I’m going out for a pack of cigarettes.
But you don’t smoke, Dad.
A jacked-up Mel Gibson on his way to yank Baby Jesus 2.0 from the womb.
I can’t wait any longer for you, my Savior.
James Lipton interviewing Sean Penn’s condom.
What is your least favorite word?
Rick Perry having a horrible accident while shaving his pubes.
If I’m gonna be elected President in 2016, I’ll need to be smooth.
Ouch!
Damn, I took out a big chunk.
Well, I ain’t gonna waste it.
Rick Perry shooting a clown who handed out condoms.
You’re as bad as an abortionist!
But they were balloons.
Ke$ha tweeting with a consumptive.
ke$ha My new jewelry line debuted on Aug. 1 — and my penis necklace has already sold out! ❤❤❤
My lung$ are filled with blood. @kesha My new jewelry line debuted on Aug. 1 — and my penis necklace has already sold out! ❤❤❤
Like the devil getting a blowjob and ejaculating fire.
I hope I didn’t burn your face.
A tiny pimp turning out his grandmother.
That trick made me oatmeal this morning.
It’s eight dollars for a half and half. Ten if it’s bareback.
Gaddafi spending his last few moments of life watching Ashton Kutcher act.
Maybe I should make a computer.
It’s worse than Artie Lange’s Beer League.
Auto-correct changing I need a tetanus shot to I need a tennis shot.
Return my volley.
That popular new reality show, America’s Got Diverticulitis.
My asshole hurts.
I’m voting you off the island.
Colonel Sanders directing a chicken porno.
That’s it. Keep going.
Abortions performed in the greenroom at Chelsea Lately.
Bye, fetuses.
But my sister and I are already born.
Hank Williams Jr. serenading a can of bug spray.
I like to ride my horses and shoot my guns.
Slobodan Milošević reading a Huffington Post headline.
50 Cent Replies ‘OK’ To Request To Pee In Girl’s Mouth
Yes, that way he will not require a toilet.
The Tea Party being probed by the IRS, anally.
Our Forefathers will protect us.
No, we don’t give a shit.
I’m going to put this test tube up your asses.
The Hunchback of Notre Dame, getting his balls waxed.
I need my sack to be smooth for the porno I’ve been asked to make.
Who asked you to make a porno? What were their names?
I lied, Helen Thomas’ Ghost. Nobody asked me to make a porno. Nobody ever asks me to make a porno.
Is the wax no longer happening?
He’s out, but I’ll take a Brazilian.
Dick Cheney shooting a box of kittens.
I will win their hearts and minds.
We can haz Doctorz Without Borderz?
My daughter Liz is running for the Senate in Wyoming. She’s the daughter who likes cock.
I’m Liz Cheney and I approved this message.
Idi Amin, after eating a Wendy’s Pretzel Bacon Cheeseburger.
You normally eat frozen heads.
But at Wendy’s, we never freeze our meat.
Give it a try, big fellow.
What do you think? Is it better than human flesh?
With Wendy’s, my ass is definitely less on fire.
Anthony Weiner sending dick pics to roadkill.
Oh, no…TRUCK!
Look at my cock, dead squirrel.
A second circumcision.
But I already had it done.
I’ve come for the rest of it.