Misc.

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This week, the Supreme Court took another step toward realizing its vision of America.

  • Ford wants to be a mobility company rather than a car company. 
  • Facebook executed psychological experiments on unwitting users
  • Sheryl Sandberg thinks Facebook’s failing was one of messaging, not ethics.

Today is a special day when Americans eat too much, drink too much and blow stuff up. That’s right, it’s Friday.

Oh, and it’s also July 4th, the anniversary of when we began waxing those British father-rapers who were taxing us and then using that money to supply us with basic services we desperately needed. Yes, it’s the birthday of the U.S.A., the greatest nation in the history of the world. If you forget that America is the best country ever, don’t worry, we’ll remind you. That’s because we’re large and wealthy yet deeply insecure, much like Alec Baldwin. Luckily, other countries are far worse than we are, so they can’t say shit. Yes, Turkmenistan, I’m looking at you. Suck it! And if you do talk trash about us, we’ll know right away because we’re listening in on all your private conversations. We can’t help it: Spying on you, sexy world, sends blood rushing to our boners.

Anyhow, enjoy a safe and happy holiday!

The

Rock of Ages is now available for download on iTunes.

_________________________________

A summer day at the beach with Blotto, which was not Devo:

BLOODY ATTACK ON A TRAIN – 25 (Downtown)

Did anyone witness an bloody attack on a downtown local A train around 10:50pm -11:15pm on Friday night, June 20, 2014?

If so please email and share what happened.

“Adult diapers and bedliners make the BEST PACKING MATERIALS ever for moving”

Free Adult S/M Diapers AND BEDLINERS (Gramercy)

8 Packages of 50 Bedliners
5 Packages of Adult S/M Diapers (NO PULLUPS)
10 Packages of ADULT pantiliners

This would be great if a charity wanted to come pick up. There is a substantial number. Also, this sounds strange, but adult diapers and bedliners make the BEST PACKING MATERIALS ever for moving. Trust me. I just moved. Just think–you can wrap your plates and dishes in seriously large diapers–and then you can close it with the tab. Happy packing!

  1. Classic Disney Characters Who Might Have Been Gay
  2. LOOK: Student Gets Trapped In Vagina Sculpture
  3. The Proper Etiquette For Eating Corn On The Cob, As Shown By A Dog
  4. Serious ‘Saved By The Bell’ Secrets To Be Exposed
  5. 11 Ways To Divorce-Proof Your Marriage
  6. 11 Things You Didn’t Know About ‘The Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air’
  7. Adam Levine Knows You Think He’s A Douchebag
  8. Man Printed His Resume On Beer (And Got The Job)
  9. Bad News For ‘Love Boat’ Star
  10. Guess Who This Little Cutie Grew Up To Be

 

 

 

10 search-engine keyphrases bringing traffic to Afflictor this week:

  1. charlie rose humor
  2. ghost brands being brought back to life
  3. eldridge cleaver william buckley
  4. jimmy breslin kennedy gravedigger column
  5. airport-based city in south korea
  6. german inventor joseph faber’s talking machine
  7. liberace and muhammad ali together
  8. david grann writing about explorer percy fawcett
  9. an argument in favor of genetically modifying people
  10. jimmy kimmel interviewing elon musk
This week the whole world was shocked by an act of brutality...

This week, the whole world was shocked by utter brutality…

…and rallied together to punish the aggressor.

Oh no, not him.

No, not him.

That one.

This guy.

  • Steven Rattner thinks robots will not wreck the job market. Perhaps.
  • Robots probably aren’t as scary as the people who own them.
  • Gawker has way more unique visitors than the New York Times.
  • Bill James favors a simple fix for exorbitant executive pay.
  • Jack White was the last rock star of the Industrial Age.
  • Ralph Nader doesn’t believe our culture is very participatory.
  • Larry Page thinks privacy concerns may have a chilling effect on creativity.

 

"Fun in the Produce Aisle."

“Fun in the Produce Aisle.”

A Collection of 37 Different Erotic Lesbian Stories!

1. Paula is a Little Bitch

2. Under Cover Lesbian Gets Caught

3. My Girlfriend is Our Little Secret

4. My Wife Takes on a Dominatrix

5. When A Woman Blackmails Another Woman

6. A Ride To The Park

7. When a Wife Has Different Intentions

8. Carmen’s Dilemma

9. Maid to Order

10. Lori Experiments with Her Neighbor

11. A Bit of Filipina Blackmail

12. Under Cover

13. Mommy’s Little Secret

14. My Wife’s Fantasy

15. A Ride To The Park

16. Jacob’s Discovery

17. Carmen’s Dilemma

18. Lesbians in the Laundry Room

19. Lesbians in the Restaurant

20. Lesbians in the Library

21. Lesbians Trying on Clothes

22. Fun in the Produce Aisle

23. Two Lesbians on an Elevator

24. When the Maid Found Her Tied

25. She Uses Her Best Friend’s Mother

26. She Enjoys an Older Woman in the Swing

27. She is Left Naked in the Park

28. They Are Rented a Special Room at Check-In

29. She Installs a New Swing

30. She is Blackmailed into Being an Escort

31. Panty Smothering Payback

32. When 2 Strippers Knock on Your Door

33. She is Left Tied in the Dressing Room

34. She Tries Her First Couple

35. Tied to the Picnic Table and Left

36. On Display on the Front of the Boat

37. They Make Her Walk Naked Down the Street

"She Enjoys an Older Woman in the Swing."

“She Enjoys an Older Woman in the Swing.”

"She Enjoys an Older Woman in the Swing."

 

"I have a bronze sculpture of a gun-wielding clown."

“I have a bronze sculpture of a gun-wielding clown that was done by a noted erotic/S&M sculptor.”

Looking for an appraiser who deals with fantasy/erotic art – $1000 (Midtown)

Does anyone know of a good appraiser who has experience with erotic/fantasy/horror fine art? I have a bronze sculpture of a gun-wielding clown that was done by a noted erotic/S&M sculptor here in NYC. I inherited the statue so I don’t have any more details, I just know that it is allegedly “worth something” but don’t know what to do with it.

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

"Have a Wonderful day."

“There is nothing illegal about this.”

tipsters wanted… – $20 (ny ny)

Do you know a way or have info that will put cash in your pocket but you yourself dont have the experience to do it yourself or whatever reason, well why not make 20 percent or more simply by letting us do the work, your job is to simply give the instructions…you can walk away easily with 50 grand more or less depending what the job is worth…there is nothing illegal about this…people point out jobs every day and get a commision. Have a wonderful day.

  • Your Guide To Which Teams Are Having Sex At The World Cup
  • Artificial Vaginas Are On The Way
  • The Sex Lube Olympics Look Long And Hard
  • Americans Unsure How Jewish Rick Perry Is
  • Are We Experiencing The Decline Of Robert Pattinson?
  • Everything You Need To Know About Reheating Leftovers
  • Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About Rosacea
  • 17 Surprising Things You CAN Put In The Dishwasher
  • Why Using Toilet Seat Liners Is Basically Pointless
  • Boy Finds Mummified Corpse Hanging In Home

 

 

10 search-engine keyphrases bringing traffic to Afflictor this week:

  1. who jerked off a dolphin?
  2. j. paul getty commercial for e.f. hutton
  3. was philip k. dick a volunteer drug counselor?
  4. nena von schlebrügge marrying timothy leary
  5. andes crash survivors cannibal camp
  6. interview with thomas mann
  7. peter diamandis immortality
  8. psychologist susan gelman discussing essentialism
  9. sex club for straight couples
  10. al globus designs of futuristic space colonies

 

This week, Pope Francis excommunicated all gang members...

This week, Pope Francis excommunicated all gang members…

...except for one.

…except for one.

He's too dreamy.

He’s too dreamy.

  • Economists see the future of our technological world in sharp contrast.

 

appendix for sale – $500 (anywhere, everywhere)

some asshole stole my iphone and I’m selling my appendix, i figured i have no use for it so might as well sell it. im 21 young and beautiful, so my appendix is healthy and in great condition. we can also do a trade off, my appendix for your iphone 4s…the phone has to be in a good condition, im not taking a crappy phone for my beautiful and healthy appendix.

mmm

Tarantula Owner?

I’m trying to get over a fear of tarantulas and I was hoping a tarantula owner might let me visit with their 8-legged friend. I don’t need much time, just 15 minutes or so to hear about your tarantula and pet/hold it. I know it’s a strange request, but I’d really like to get over this fear asap. Willing to travel to NJ. 

Thanks!

“Willing to travel to NJ.”

“Willing to travel to N.J.”

"Badly."

Any older women giving bjs?

Email me I need a bj badly from an older woman in the Queens area. If you’re interested please send me an email and I will get back to you.

  • 10 Signs You’re Dating An Asshat
  • WATCH: Surprising Danger Of Peeing In The Pool
  • Pool Repairman Saves Squirrel’s Life
  • Awww: This Cat Thinks It’s A Baby
  • You’re Putting On Your Bug Spray All Wrong
  • Justin Bieber Turns To God, Gets Baptized In A Bathtub
  • Woman Reveals Her Vulva At Museum… For The Sake Of Art (NSFW)
  • Penis Size Study Yields Surprise About Women’s Preferences
  • Duke Porn Star Donates Her Panties For A Good Cause
  • Doc Accused Of Sexting During Surgery
Let's get nasty, baby.

Let’s get nasty.

But youre about remove my husbands gall bladder.

But you’re removing my husband’s gall bladder.

He looks healthy enough for a three-way to me.

He looks healthy enough for a three-way to me.

I wouldnt say "no."

I wouldn’t say “no.”

Good. I went commando under these scrubs.

Good. I go commando under my scrubs.

I hate you, Obamacare.

I hate you, Obamacare.


10 search-engine keyphrases bringing traffic to Afflictor this week:

  1. what is the greatest invention since the printing press?
  2. what are americans obsessed with?
  3. john delorean interviewed after his fall
  4. pieta vandalized
  5. telephone newspaper 1900
  6. wolves attack bridal party
  7. how much were executioners paid?
  8. ty cobb being interviewed
  9. have american workers become more invisible?
  10. people dying of thirst in the desert
This week marked the official start of guys-getting-kicked-in-the-nuts season.

This week marked the official start of the season of guys getting kicked in the nuts.

  • Howard Hughes died for many reasons but likely not aspirin abuse.
  • Steven Pinker looks at writing from cultural and neurological angles.
  • Elon Musk rescinds all of Tesla’s EV patents.
  • Uber might, perhaps, decrease private-car ownership.
  • Globalization has had a mixed effect on the World Cup.
  • Some PEDs should perhaps be permitted in sports.
  • Jack London built a futuristic piggery in California.

I saw some guy walking with a live cat on his head on fifth ave today 

you thought i was kidding but i am not. he walked right past me and i called him back and he walked back and the cat didn’t move. he asked me for a dollar. i gave it to him. 

ODD REQUEST!! Bring us a bottle to our hospital rooms – $20 (Murray Hill)

Listen, my buddy and I have been in Beth Israel dealing with some recovering from a bad accident. However, we’ve been here FOREVER, and have some time to go. We would love a nice drink at night while playing cards. Can anyone help us out? You would grab the cheapest bottle of Gin from a liquor store, then bring it up. Easiest $20 you can make!!

“I have a terrible toothache.”

Help! Need some Antibiotics/Penicillin (Downtown Brooklyn)

Anyone know where I can get some antibiotics? Some bodegas sell them but I don’t know which. I am new to the area. I have a terrible toothache. Need help now til I can get to a dentist. Thanks!

“Some bodegas sell them.”

  • 50 Cent Blames Bad Pitch On ‘Excessive Masturbation’
  • Gwyneth Paltrow Is ‘Fascinated’ By The Idea That Water Has Feelings 
  • Madonna’s Bathroom Selfie Is Better Than Yours
  • WATCH: When People Look Disturbingly Like Donuts
  • When A Celebrity Panda Declines Your Wedding Invite, Do The Next Best Thing
  • A New Use For Cow Poop 
  • ‘Oh No, My Vagina’s Out’ 
  • This Is How Often Women Masturbate 
  • Cheeseburger Pop Tarts!
  • Man Has Plastic Surgery To Look More Asian


 

10 search-engine keyphrases bringing traffic to Afflictor this week:

  1. twitter complaints about hollywood movie casting
  2. when did sears start selling timex computers?
  3. who eats camel?
  4. david hockney’s use of technology
  5. the carpenters on this is your life
  6. malcolm x muhammad split
  7. bill murray snl reunion party
  8. was the ferris wheel a response to the eiffel tower?
  9. martin amis discussing class and money
  10. auctioning off daughters

 

This week, it became clear that President Obama had even less privacy in the gym than we previously knew.

This week, it became clear that President Obama had even less privacy in the gym than we previously knew.

  • Patton Oswalt steps away (for awhile) from the new connectedness.
  • #YesAllWomen is, perhaps, just the beginning of something big.
  • Handwriting, which is declining, is linked to memory and learning.
  • Robots don’t want to be limited to factory jobs.
  • Atari is trying to revive its brand yet again.
  • Wi-Fi is now available on the moon.

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