Piers Morgan: Not even talented enough to talk into a breadstick at an Olive Garden.

The countries outside of the U.S. sending the most traffic to Afflictor in March:

1. Great Britain
2. Canada
3. France
4. China
5. Germany

Some search-engine keyphrases bringing traffic to Afflictor this week:

1. the conversation 1974 coppola film
2. you can never return
3. donald trump that fucking stupid moron
4. solar farms in the mojave desert
5. mary mccarthy interviewed on television
6. pt barnum fire annhilator
7. wilt chamberlain boxing
8. did mark twain meet nikola tesla?
9. robert ludlum interview
10. how did the advent of locomotives change reading habits?

Afflictor: Looking for a single image that can represent the beginnings of the baseball season and the gay honeymoon season.

• Old Print Article: Religious fanatic murders little girl. (1908)

• Featured Videos: William F. Buckley interviews Eldridge Cleaver (1969), Jorge Luis Borges (1977) and Joan Baez (1979) + Andy Kaufman brings his hijinx to Carnegie Hall (1979) + Robotic snake that can perch itself on poles and branches.

• Recently Posted on NYC’s Craigslist: I usually wear a condom when I cuddle + I also found the Magna Carta in my sock drawer + There are probably better ways to minimize risk.

• Buzz Bissinger dresses better, still an a-hole.

• Recalling the “golden age” of skyjacking in the ’60s and ’70s.

• Man sells “shares” of his life, lets “stockholders” make decisions for him.

• John Gray thinks tech advances have camouflaged moral backsliding.

• A “professional namer” for a branding agency does an Ask Me Anything.

• Is genetically modifying our descendants an option or an obligation? 

• Vice to be the next CNN, something even CNN doesn’t want to be.

• Wingnut Liz Cheney can’t help but be an extremist fool.

• Douglas Rushkoff thinks narrative is vanishing in our brave new world.

• Adam Curtis examines the “fake objectivity” that obscures societal power.

• A sex cult at Horace Mann scarred some students for a lifetime.

• Coal, gas and oil are not absolutely necessary to produce energy.

• Human drivers and Google driverless cars don’t always merge well.

• Nolan Bushnell thinks we should produce more Americans like Steve Jobs.

• The future didn’t arrive in the year 2000; it always arrives.

• The subscription model to purchase content didn’t start with cable TV.

• Charles Webb, author of The Graduate, has suffered for his idealism.

• Algorithm-based journalism–what could go wrong?

• Stanford University making progress in biological computing.

• Should we modify our pets’ DNA to make them more presentable?

• A solar-powered plane that flies at night will soon make a cross-country flight.

• Replacement body parts are being created in vitro.

• The oblivious studio notes sent to Ridley Scott about Blade Runner.

• Armenian schoolchildren have compulsory chess classes.

• A brief note from 1909 about medicinal cheese.

• A brief note from 1912 about smart Parisians.

• A brief note from 1908 about a healthy woman.

• This week’s Afflictor keyphrase searches.

10 search-engine phrases sending traffic to Afflictor this week:

1. videocracy 2009 movie about silvio berlusconi
2. lenny bruce society is sick
3. photos of ham the astrochimp in 1961
4. would justice scalia have supported slavery?
5. bobby riggs on 60 minutes
6. brooklyn family that eats horses
7. was leroy neiman a good artist?
8. donald trump is a horrible man
9. tina fey uncrossing her legs
10. which airline sold reservations for moon trips in 1968?

Afflictor: Thinking that even though it makes absolutely no sense, Jerry Sandusky may not be the most hated man to appear on the Today show this week.

• Even more proof that Donald Trump is a complete moron.

• 4 quick thoughts about CPAC.

• Considering the Iraq War, 10 years later.

• Old Print Article: Followers of faith healer John Alexander Dowie smash drug stores. (1901)

• Classic Photograph: Dr. Mary Edwards Walker, A Handsome Woman.

• Featured Videos: Joe Namath interviews Peggy Fleming and Paul Anka (1969) and Muhammad Ali and George Segal (1969) + William F. Buckley meets Woodward & Bernstein (1974), Harry Reems and Alan Dershowitz (1976), Bret Easton Ellis (1985) + Wilt Chamberlain decides, fleetingly, to fight Muhammad Ali (1971) + Elon Musk visits Jimmy Kimmel (2013) + Marc Maron interviews Dick Van Dyke (2013) + Orson Welles addresses the supposed link between violent entertainment and actual violence.

• Recently Posted on NYC’s Craigslist: My biggest problem with murder isn’t so much the murder + Even playing video games, something lazy people do to pass the time, is too much work for me + I’m sort of a cat person.

• Much like Hugo Chavez, Harry Reems is now dead. 

• Stewart Brand just did an Ask Me Anything about de-extinction.

• Ric Menello had one of the most unlikely Hollywood careers ever.

• In 1726, a woman convinced England she’d given birth to bunny rabbits.

• Bill Gates ruminates on eco-conscious food of the future.

• In 1988, the Los Angeles Times predicted what life would be like in 2013.

• In 1950, Popular Mechanics predicted what life would be like in 2000.

• A new space project wants to send people to Mars with no return ticket.

• Not too long ago, Myspace was considered a monopoly.

• Soon enough, autos will “speak” to one another and to the highways.

• Lockheed Martin becomes a leader in the quantum computing revolution.

• Futurists love thinking about tomorrow until it arrives.

• Jonathan Chait discusses politics (of course) in an Ask Me Anything.

• Big Data may lead to Big Brother–or perhaps not.

• Ultra-athlete Kilian Jornet Burgada seems more machine than human.

• A brief note from 1906 about a Syrian leper.

• A brief note from 1900 about a hungry man.

• This week’s Afflictor keyphrase searches.

10 search-engine keyphrases bringing traffic to Afflictor this week:

1. the man in the white suit film about creative disturbance
2. funeral by phonograph
3. elephant man david bowie
4. manfred clynes cyborg
5. they’ll be the breaking of the ancient western code
6. chubby guy
7. you can stop the train by pushing the fat man on the tracks
8. new book about eadweard muybridge
9. solar farm mojave desert
10. book about earthquake predictions

Afflctor: Thinking there are some numbers Paul Ryan should keep in mind when doing the math for his draconian budgets.

• Old Print Article: X-ray moving-picture machine shows brain at work (1910).

• Featured Video: Andy Kaufman had trust issues + Advertising exec predicted the future of personalization (1967) + Steve Martin shows his pajamas to David Letterman (1980) + Tech invention makes billiards easy + Footage of the never-realized hovercraft, Aérotrain (1970s).

• Recently Posted on NYC’s Craigslist: I’m an exterminator whose equipment got stolen + I believe my British accent will allow me to get away with anything + Do you want visual proof of your creepiness?
  

• Are our cheap, amazing tech tools giving us false hope?

• Hard to believe, but some billionaires are really awful people.

• An Atlanta software engineer has stopped eating, just drinks Soylent.

• P.W. Singer considers society and policy as drones get smaller.

• Measuring the economic impact of the Internet.

• Tel Aviv might, perhaps, be getting NASA Transport Pods.

• A Spanish port city is filled with sensors recording and reading data.

• In 1962, CIA Analyst Orrin Clotworthy predicted Big Data.

• Despite Big Data, unreason and superstition continue to flourish.

• Elon Musk at SXSW discussing SpaceX and the Hyperloop.

• Tesla Motors is paying off its government loan five years early.

• Rachel Maddow just did an Ask Me Anything at Reddit.

• A woman becoming a CEO isn’t the same thing as a women’s movement.

• Neil deGrasse Tyson wonders if we’re too stupid to figure out the universe.

• Steven Pinker doesn’t think violent video games cause actual violence.

• Evgeny Morozov isn’t sure that we should solve crime–and other problems.

• Daunting news for those who wish to use DNA to reanimate dinosaurs.

• Tom Vanderbilt goes to a convention of lockpickers, the original hackers.

• Robert Ingersoll was a famous 19th-century agnostic orator.

• Wired offered Apple advice–some good, some bad–in 1997.

• Crowdsourcing has now designed an automobile.

• A brief note from 1873 about a thirsty man.

• A brief note from 1885 about a hairy guy swimming.

• A brief note from 1904 about a tan women.

• This week’s Afflictor keyphrases searches.

10 search-engine keyphrases bringing traffic to Afflictor this week:

1. grandson with his first gun
2. people who sweat blood
3. how to survive the end of the universe
4. will the rising sea level mean the end of manhattan?
5. krishna venta cult los angeles 
6. charles bukowski poem law
7. paris commune 1871
8. what do girls mean when they say my pussy is wet
9. frightened cat
10. bob et carol et ted et alice

Afflictor: Thinking Hugo Chavez may just be faking his death because he heard America was sending a diplomat to Venezuela.

Too soon!

• 1 thing Budget Sequestration made me think about.

• How can Tina Fey not be the next Tonight Show host?

• Featured Videos: Mary McCarthy interviewed by Jack Paar (1963) + Robert Kennedy talking to children on Wonderama (1965) + All six episodes of Orson Welles’ Sketch Book (1955).

• Recently posted on NYC’s Craigslist: For some reason, I think it’s wrong to fear tarantulas + I make the most unique soups + And I’ll throw in some skin.

• Today’s blockbuster tech companies will be gone someday.

• So-called sleep disorders may be actual sleeping patterns.

• In 1978, Alvin Toffler discussed genetic engineering with Bob Guccione.

• Some think that Silicon Valley will be the next Detroit.

• A futuristic, carless Arizona ecotopia is at a crossroads.

• Google’s driverless-car software has obstacles to overcome.

• Larry Flynt just figured out that print publications are passé.

• Robots that misbehave can be disciplined, if not imprisoned.

• Can we prohibit anyone born after 2000 from ever buying cigarettes?

• An explanation of “Munchausen By Internet” Diagnosis.
  

• Britain probably has more trees now than in 1510.

• NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell fears a player will die on the field.

• A former Senior Officer of a luxury cruise line just did an Ask Me Anything.

• Lonely American physics professor finds trouble, not love, online.

• The Kurzweils, father-and-son futurists, predict tech’s next wave.

• We should be experimenting with genetically modified foods.

• Esther Dyson encourages the personalization of medicine.

• Thinking about the legal ramifications of data recorded by smart cars.

• Richard Branson thinks offices will eventually be a thing of the past.

• Roger Ailes explains his relationship with Rupert Murdoch.

• Peggy Noonan, an utter toolbox, is still making up narratives.

• Kurt Vonnegut explaining why he never switched to word processing.

• Evgeny Morozov predicts the near-term future of the Internet.

• Eventually we’ll be able to use technology to talk to animals.

• Americans created “artificial moonlight” in the early years of electricity.

• Chess prodigies aren’t as easy to identify in the Digital Age.

• A brief note from 1902 about the medical system.

• A brief note from 1898 about a heavy sleeper.

• A brief note from 1886 about two marriages.

• Afflictor Nation: Great Britain rules in February.

• This week’s Afflictor keyphrase searches.