I think Marilyn Monroe was so popular because she was very beautiful and pretended to be a complete imbecile. Seemed like anyone had a shot.
I’m an itinerant gynecologist, ma’am, come to examine your whatnot.
Duh, okay.
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10 search-engine keyphrases bringing traffic to Afflictor this week:
- songs from the second floor dvd 2000
- donald trump rolex
- frozen donor eggs
- are more people living alone now?
- bret easton ellis so drunk he mistook texting for tweeting
- wilt chamberlain vs. muhammad ali in a boxing match
- louis daguerre accomplished making the first daguerreotype
- whatever happened to stanley siegel the abc morning talk show host?
- side boob
- millie and christine mccoy the two-headed nightingale
Afflictor: Thinking the key to Anthony Weiner being elected mayor is getting New Yorkers even more unpopular than him to run.
Vote for me and I’ll show you my sexy man boobs.
Make me mayor or I’ll put my foot right up your asses, you toxic queens.
If you don’t elect me, I will murder my vagina.
I could stick around for four more years.
- Old Print Articles: Owl scares hospital patient to death (1903) + Maniac children acting out in grade school (1912).
- Featured Videos: Antoni Gaudi turned 161 + A Parkinson’s patients receives regular electric shocks to control his motor symptoms + You can personalize your latte, if that’s something you need to do.
- Recently Posted on NYC’s Craigslist: Would you like a good vantage point to see me beaten to death + In addition to my other problems, I overuse ellipses + But does anybody still wear leg warmers?
- Steven Spielberg thinks cinema needs to become more immersive.
- Henry Petroski explains how climate change is impacting structural design.
- Bono’s politically neutral, jet-setting philanthropy gets a smackdown.
- The extensive archives of the defunct Omni magazine receive a visitor.
- Crazy Ants are attacking electronics in Texas.
- Evgeny Morozov thinks a problem’s cause gets lost in Big Data.
- Mason Peck, NASA’s chief technologist, did an AMA about asteroid exploration.
- Harvard Law’s Noah Feldman did an AMA about the Supreme Court rulings.
- Jimmy Wales isn’t wealthy but he was right about crowdsourcing encyclopedias.
- Correspondence from a space simulation at Mars, Hawaii.
- German automakers believe driverless cars will be accepted gradually.
- What would autonomous cars mean for auto racing?
- Life is difficult but it would far worse if its purposeless.
- Transhumanism may make your (perhaps purposeless) life go on forever.
- Futuristic British tech projects that never reached fruition.
- Some dementia patients are given robotic companions that look like seals.
- A brief note from 1884 about a mad bull.
- This week’s Afflictor keyphrase searches.
“No formal experience necessary.”
unattached/independent pro boxer looking for asst. trainer (staten island)
independent and unattached pro boxer needs assistant trainer to help prepare for upcoming bout. no formal experience necessary.
The Defense of Marriage Act was thankfully struck down.
An NBA player bravely came out.
And Queer Cinema has never been more popular.
The Fast and the Furious movies aren’t that obvious, are they?
They make Behind the Candelabra look like American Pie.
I mentioned that I like pussy, right?
“Guys who have enough money to randomly go to outer space.”
thanks a lot asshole – you know who you are!
i fucking hate you. you make me angry. you ruined my life and now everything makes me angry. puppies make me angry. stupid hipster baristas piss me off. yoga makes me angry. people who wear leg warmers. people who wear arm warmers. facebook status updates. gluten-free labels. stores that don’t take $50 bills. atm’s that keep handing them out. vegetarians. vegans. people who don’t like fur. ugly people. fat people. skinny bitches. people who use bad grammar and make up words like refudiate. throwing up in my mouth a little and then having to swallow it. dropped calls on my iphone. waiting for the bus. paying for the bus. being ass grabbed on the bus. paying too much for cable. rainbows and fucking unicorns. children who at the age of 4 already feel entitled to give the world attitude. the asshole parents who make them like that. tim horton’s coffee. emails from nigerian princes and british estate lawyers. cel phone ringbacks. detox diets. thanksgiving. black friday. christmas. easter. valentine’s day. jesus. solar calculators. solar panels. saving planet earth. hippies. sorting my fucking garbage even though half the recycling still goes into landfill. guys who have enough money to randomly go to outer space. corn poo. tickle me elmo. endless voicemail options. the alarm clock. shitty take out. good take out. warm beer. creepy ass earwigs. god damn birds chirping in the morning. people who steal. and most of all these gorgeous awesome smelling tulips that were my favourite flower make me fucking angry!!!!!!!
“Hippies.”
“Fat people.”
“Refudiate.”
i used to be a good man
but i am not sure anymore. the world is closing in on me. i was a good father husband and i have a lot to show for it….so why am i feeling so low? why do i feel like i just want to cry? not sure. but all i know is i am tired of worrying..i am going to be 60 in a few months…and the wild ride has gotten to me. sometimes i just want to go out for that pack of … cigarettes and never come back…..and i don’t even smoke. oh well.
10 search-engine keyphrases bringing traffic to Afflictor this week:
- project nim documentary
- is president obama going to resign?
- when did leroy neiman die?
- jim holt why does the wotld exist?
- photo of champion pedestrian edward payson weston
- what really happens on cruise ships?
- robert mcgee’s scalp
- mike gammon roller derby star
- was diego rivera a cannibal?
- which city in america do people live the longest?
Afflictor: Thinking Paula Deen will be returning to her former, less glamorous life.
- John Hodgman has a Netflix-only special. Please stream.
- Old Print Articles: Snakes used to exterminate NYC rats (1903) + A wealthy recluse is found living in a hovel (1871).
- Featured Videos: Roman Polasnki, a Howard Stern fan, does a Skype interview with an American theater + A robot that runs like a cat + Steve Wozniak rails against the cloud (though it’s too late) + Uh oh, somebody told Noam Chomsky about Google Glass + Gilda Radner uses a potty mouth with pets + Dick Cavett meets Mae West (1976).
- Recently Posted on NYC’s Craigslist: Teach me also about the subtle art of emoticons + No, nobody’s afraid to ask. It’s just that it’s such a stupid question.
- Does it seem like people cry more in public?
- Edward Snowden and Russell Brand comment on intel leaks.
- Radio clips: computer dating (1957) and computerized shopping (1962).
- Ralph Graves had a helluva run at Life magazine.
- Mahmoud Ahmadinejad respected term limits, unlike Mayor Bloomberg.
- A space-age city languishes in the decades after the Soviet collapse.
- Horace Bullard lived in a Coney Island of his mind.
- Thomas Beller wonders about the intersection of Twitter and literature.
- A WSJ surveillance expert answers did an Ask Me Anything.
- Your ebooks are spying on you, including that copy of 1984.
- Google, Apple and Facebook may all be past their prime.
- Google has figured out that its brainteasers are idiotic.
- VHS and Betamax are among the most disruptive recent technologies.
- Renzo Piano has designed a mobile home.
- A brief note from 1921 about PEDs.
- A brief note from 1900 about a steep fall.
- This week’s Afflictor keyphrase searches.
John Hodgman, who refuses to retire, has today released his Netflix special, RAGNAROK, which is streaming 24 hours a day at no extra charge for subscribers.
RAGNAROK, by the way, is a Norse word meaning “Netflix won’t promote my special because I gave it such a stupid fucking name.”
Actually, the special is a taped live stage performance that Hodgman did in Brooklyn last December, concerning all of the end-of-days fervor perpetrated by those dishonest Mayans. There will likely be a lot of sorta funny stories about obscure shit, and it may also be an opportunity to watch a lavishly overcompensated man have a midlife crisis onstage. Still, I root for the big lug, so I’ll be streaming tonight. I hope you will as well.
But why, you ask, should we be supporting the affable front for evil corporations? Well, technically Hodgman isn’t solely responsible for Bangladesh. There are other players who must also be brought to justice. Hanging is too good for them all.•
John Hodgman: Hot romance with Drew Barrymore.
No, that was me.
Tags: John Hodgman, Justin Long
“Did you volunteer?”
Hypnosis side effects?
Maybe you’ve seen one of those stage shows where people do silly things. Did you volunteer? Some volunteers go home and have some embarrassing side effects. Maybe you were made to flap your arms like a chicken on cue, and afterwards you have strange dreams about being a chicken? Or perhaps you can’t smell things quite right? Believe me, there are lots of people who go through these shows with fun, but there are some who suffer some embarrassing effects afterwards and are just too afraid to share. Have you experienced the above? Email me telling me what happened.
“Maybe you were made to flap your arms like a chicken?”
“I would like to EXCEL at this.”
I want to learn more about YOUTUBE. – $1 (Queens)
I am currently working from home fixing computers.
I would REALLY like to have a voice in this world using one of the most popular forums on the planet.
I know the basics but would like to EXCEL at this.
In other words… I would like for someone that is a YOUTUBE veteran to show me the ropes.
If you think that you’d be able to help me in this area, please contact me.
10 search-engine keyphrase searches bringing traffic to Afflictor this week:
- westworld yul brynner
- mark frechette movie star joined cult robbed bank murdered
- shooting buffalo from speeding trains in the old west
- article about paul snider and dorothy stratten
- communards in their coffins
- muhammad ali with stepin fetchit
- pushing fat man on tracks philosophical problem
- personal habits of charles dickens the writer
- real dog day afternoon footage
- why did charlie rose have a black eye?
Afflictor: Thinking this was the week that some questionable guys got kicked to the curb.
- Old Print Articles: Hungry prospector kills, cannibalizes his fellow travelers (1883) + Dancing evangelist attempts fraud (1893).
- Featured Videos: Aga Khan IV practices cosmopolitanism (1964) + David Frost and Truman Capote discuss friendship and sex (1969) + Biosphere 2 went bust (1991) + Electric buses that flash charge at stops in 15 seconds + Staples is selling a 3D printer + Economist Andrew McAfee imagines the future of work in a roboticized world + Melvyn Bragg conducts Dennis Potter’s final interview (1994) + A roboticized underground bicycle parking lot in Japan + A flying bicycle in Prague.
- Recently Posted on NYC’s Craigslist: You need to clean your dentures anyway + I’m fat and stupid + Do you seek a sense of permanence?
- Jeffrey Toobin doesn’t think Edward Snowden is a hero.
- Senator Rand Paul discusses civil liberties and dystopian novels.
- Brandon Neely, former Gitmo guard, does an Ask Me Anything.
- Not even Morton Downey Jr. was as bad as Alex Jones.
- Terrorism isn’t the greatest danger, but we cede our civil liberties because of it.
- The Democrats won the nation even while losing Kansas.
- The robot revolution will bring some unexpected emergent behaviors.
- Imagining NYC in 2050, after more ravages of climate change.
- Great as it is, meritocracy has its flaws.
- George Eastman’s marvelous company was laid low by its own innovation.
- Steven Spielberg thinks the Hollywood business model is a time bomb.
- Franco Moretti has made a discipline of “distant reading.”
- A brief note from 1886 about a man who stopped sneezing.
- A brief note from 1891 about devout children.
- A note from 1899 about a severe toothache.
- This week’s Afflictor keyphrase searches.
Any older women giving bjs
email me I need a bj badly from an older woman in the queens area. If you’re interested please send me an email and I will get back to you.
“Take a small walk daily.”
How To Lose Weight
Eat Pickles 10 calories for a whole pickle and diet soda, water and or Wylers Orange drink (tastes like Tang) slice bread with one slice of cheese and one slice of meat no Mayonaise (200 calories).
Eat up to 5 sandwiches the whole day and as much drink as you want. you can have a little coffee in the morning with milk and sugar. total 1000 calories a day. take a multi vitamin. take a small walk daily.
“This will be a permanent situation.”
SEEKING FEMALE WHO BUYS AND SELLS ON THE INTERNET (QUEENS)
or goes to flea markets etc. i am in need of someone who can help me out about once or twice a month with the following:
- administer an enema and a full body deep tissue massage.
in exchange for these services i will swap various things that you can sell. this will be a permanent situation and i have quite a bit of things. each visit you can pick a certain amount of things to sell. the 2 treatments take about 3 hours. if interested please leave contact info. thank you kindly.
10 search-engine keyphrases bringing traffic to Afflictor this week:
- bob and carol and ted and alice 1969
- biofeedback fad of the 1970s
- dubai is like a freaking dream
- john newcombe record album about tennis
- craig venter engineering tiny bugs
- russell harty interviewing david bowie 1975
- cult that breeds beautiful people
- tesla machine that made mark twain poop
- jimmy breslin profile of jfk gravedigger
- film about skiier spider sabich
Afflictor: Sorry to hear that Prince Philip was taken ill.
He probably ate a bad slice of pie.
- Thanks to Michael Douglas, throat cancer comes to a stunning conclusion.
- John Hodgman refuses to retire, so now we must watch his Netflix special.
- The question I’d most like to ask NYC mayoral hopefuls.
- If I had a Twitter account: Scarecrows.
- Old Print Articles: Everyone in 16th-century France was poisoning each other (1907) + Colorado woman nearly marries her brother (1914).
- Featured Videos: Joe Garagiola hosts bubble-gum blowing competition (1975) + Tom Snyder interviews a ridiculous Breatharian (1981) + The Canadian office is becoming computerized (1976) + An early automatic teller machine.
- Recently Posted on NYC’s Craigslist: Even the nice things I say sound kind of threatening + Shockingly, I have a girlfriend + A message from the New York City Tourist Board.
- Even the nice kids are stalking celebrities in contemporary America.
- Roboticist Alexander Reben discusses his robot, which is disarming and nosy.
- Though politically very different, Mark Warner was the Ted Cruz of his day.
- Julian Assange makes good points about Google, but goes too far (as always).
- Binge watching TV is a product of our technology, but what does it mean?
- Con Slobodchikoff believes communicating with animals is plausible.
- Fashion Projects has interviews with Judith Thurman and other notables.
- When war is automated, who can be held accountable?
- Russian billionaire Dmitry Itskov wants to replace death with downloading.
- Dmitry Itskov does an Ask Me Anything on Reddit.
- Thoughts about contemporary zombies.
- Super-recognizers and other quirks of neurology.
- A prediction about the near-term future of voice-to-text input.
- A simple way Finland reduces infant mortality rate.
- Some contemporary physicists have to be very, very wrong.
- A brief note from 1875 about a bad houseguest.
- A brief note from 1897 about the Archangel famine.
- Afflictor Nation: Great Britain rules in May.
- This week’s Afflictor keyphrase searches.
I miss living in NYC! 
(Somewhere in the USA)
Some great times I had there….got so much ass it was unreal! Women, men, couples….GREAT SEX! Where I live now, everyone is married at 23 and kids by 25.
- What are your plans in regards to the smell of my city?
Like used diapers stuffed into a wolf carcass.
For years, we had hoped you would win the Powerball, John Hodgman. The wealth would crush your ambition, and you would resign yourself to a Howard Hughes-like existence of reclusiveness and urine jugs. But lately we’ve grown impatient, so we’ve had to insist you voluntarily retire from show business. That doesn’t mean you can’t be a productive member of society. A job as a goat herder, say, will allow you honest work and provide a captive audience for your comedy stylings. As an added bonus, you will be permitted to slaughter one goat each week to provide for your sustenance. More likely, though, they will hang themselves.
John Hodgman: A mustache doesn’t make you Nick Offerman.
Can I borrow your shoelaces?.
Tags: John Hodgman
“Cashinskee.”
WTF? Can i move in with you for 125$ A week? Comedian/overall nice dude (Manhattan)
I will pay 125$ a week and a little taste upfront!!! ( Maybe 300$ sumthin like that) AND ill even bring some weed!!!
Shared, anything. I do stand up and i have some shows this summer and i gotta save some cashinskee.
I am the definition of nice and of clean.
Btw: You live with me for the summer, your life will never be the same forever again.
Ok good luck.
Piers Morgan: Meritocracy isn’t foolproof.
The five countries that sent the most traffic to Afflictor during May:
- Great Britain
- Germany
- Canada
- France
- China
After exhaustive research, the medical world finally uncovered the cause of throat cancer.
You know, that box tasted funny.