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"Plans for a free energy device - I can prove they're mine."

“Plans for a free energy device – I can prove they’re mine.”

My Life’s Work (Upper East Side)

I’m selling:

  • My unpublished novel: Death by MURDER, a psychological thriller with erotica.
  • Plans for a free energy device – I can prove they’re mine.
  • The short story “No Limits,” which explores true defiance in a child.
  • An idea for producing temporary zero gravity on land – primarily for amusement parks.
  • An idea for an automotive sensor to help in high speed maneuvering.
  • An idea for a piece of self-changing artwork.
  • Several ideas for scenarios in erotic novels / movies.
  • Several ideas for erotic devices.
  • The true novel Seven Years in Korea – I have notes but I will record the full stories on tape – it is the heartwarming and sometimes hilarious account of an American teaching English in South Korea.

It’s not a joke, it’s not a scam, I’m tired of red tape, I’m tired of not having enough money for research and development, and I am definitely tired of not having enough money to go to the doctor when I’m sick and hoping that it’s nothing serious. I’ve got gold here, but I don’t have the tools or the strength to mine it.

We’ll have our lawyers meet, draw up papers, and get it done. I’m asking $3,000,000.00 USD. For all this, for the movie deals that could follow, for the sales from the devices, this is a steal.

"Several ideas for erotic devices.."

“Several ideas for erotic devices..”

Grandma’s funk, after several hours of target practice at the shooting range.

Who moved my cigarettes?

Who moved my cigarettes?

 

A pig farmer who just committed a bestial act behind a filling station.

We are to be betrothed.

We are to be betrothed.

"Before she dies, she has a will drawn up in which she wills a man to her best friend."

“Before she dies, she has a will drawn up in which she wills a man to her best friend.”

 Screenplay for sale – $350000 (Rhode Island)

My novel entitled, Diva On My Doorstep, was published in April of 2010. Since that time, it has been written into a screenplay. The screenplay was written by a professional screenwriter. I am looking to sell the screenplay. This would make for an excellent feature film or a made for TV movie.

A brief synopsis is as follows:

Holly Madsen is marrying the man of her dreams–only he doesn’t know it and neither does she.

Why? Because the heroine’s best friend of my completed novel, Diva on My Doorstep, learns she has terminal cancer and before she dies she is determined to fix the relationship problems in her best friend’s life. Before she dies, she has a will drawn up in which she wills a man to her best friend. People have inherited many things, but a man, well that makes for some interesting conversation. Set in New York City and later Perry, Maine, the character-driven story is a 97,852 word romance. The story brings two people together, against their will, who couldn’t be more perfect for one another.

It will appeal to mainstream hopeless romantics, as well as those who enjoy a good story, a good laugh, a few tears, and a happy ending.

Meet Holly Madsen, a 36-year-old dog food heiress who has everything, or so it seems. She is on again, off again and now back on again to marry her cheating fiané, Daniel. She is two breaths away from saying “I do.” Holly and her best friend Gina go on what was supposed to be Holly and Daniel’s honeymoon before the first wedding was called off. Gina then proceeds to win a couple of free trips in which Holly must accompany her on. Gina takes Holly to different ends of the earth hoping she’ll meet someone who will treat her right so she can be done with her player fiancé, Daniel, once and for all.

Holly’s plastic surgery addicted, grandchild-deprived mother is in constant search of a husband for her daughter. She cannot bear the fact that she has a 36 year old drop dead gorgeous daughter who isn’t married, let alone isn’t pregnant. Holly’s mother, Rochelle, sends a very eligible Dr. Steven Mancini over to Holly’s for a blind date. One small problem — she didn’t inform Holly.

Steven is charming, funny and handsome and turns Holly’s world upside down. He is perfect for her. But the whole thing is too good to be true. He has a secret that Holly comes to discover and it sends her catapulting back into the arms of her fiancé and down the aisle.

Gina hears wedding bells herself and makes an announcement that will have a life-changing effect on Holly and Steven. She vowed to always protect Holly’s heart from breaking and now she’s going to seal the deal once and for all.

"Meet Holly Madsen, a thirty-six-old dog food heiress who has everything, or so it seems."

“Meet Holly Madsen, a 36-year-old dog food heiress who has everything, or so it seems.”

When do we start filming?

When do we start filming?

Hitler’s corpse, rotting in a bunker.

And I totally forgot to wear deodorant.

And I totally forgot to wear deodorant.

 


10 search-engine keyphrases bringing traffic to Afflictor this week:

  1. night of the living dead george romero
  2. does donald trump cologne smell like piss?
  3. cult leader robert matthias from the 1800s
  4. computerized bout between marciano and ali
  5. what did marshal mcluhan have to say about genocide in america?
  6. are aliens from outer space vegans?
  7. why did film pioneer eadweard muybridge commit murder?
  8. euell gibbons profile john mcphee
  9. chimpanzee wearing pants
  10. the gods wait to delight in you
Afflictor: Unable to understand why people think Rick Perry hates women when he's done so much this week to help one.

Afflictor: Unable to understand why people think Rick Perry hates women when he’s done so much this week to help one.

Used head bandages, soaked with the blood of Satan.

So, I get up to pee in the middle of the night and I walk right into the bathroom door. I mean, you know.

So, I’m manscaping and I sneeze and the razor catches me above the eyebrow. I mean, you know, duh.

"I have spent a lot of money creating this, lost my job and home is in foreclosure."

“I have spent a lot of money creating this, lost my job and home is in foreclosure.”

Medical device breakthrough (USA) SPECI-SLEEVE

Hello, how are you. I have a Patent pending on a medical device that I am selling the rights to. I have spent a lot of money creating this, lost my job and home is in foreclosure, therefore selling this for cheap in order to get back on my feet. If you have what its takes and knows how to get it out there you may be able to get this product in every hospital and clinics worldwide.SPECI-SLEEVE.

SPECI-SLEEVE is a condom-like material that is easily attached to a 4 oz or 5 oz SPECIMEN collection cup to extract semen samples for testing in medical labs, clinics, doctor’s offices and hospitals. It can also be use to collect urine samples from older adult males who suffer from limited moving abilities.

Many men globally suffer from INFERTILITY. There are many causes for suffering from such a problem. One may visit a fertility doctor or clinic for testing. In order to get the semen tested, one must ejaculate semen into a collection 4 oz or 5 oz cup. The SPECIMEN is later taken into the laboratory to test its sperm counts.

While trying to ejaculate semen into a 4 or a 5 oz cup, patients encounter problems in successfully getting all the semen into the cup. When men eject semen it tends to come out at a very high pressure and may be accompanied by shivers throughout the body. These physical reactions cause lots of spills because the mouths of these cups are not wide enough.

SPECI-SLEEVE was developed to solve this problem. It is a flexible funnel condom-like material that can easily be attached to a 4 oz or 5 oz specimen cup. The individual inserts the penis and ejaculates. When semen is ejected in the cup the SPECI-SLEEVE is removed and discarded. The cup is then covered and turned in for testing.

I am willing to consider selling or licensing the patent rights to my invention. If you are potentially interested in the SPECI-SLEEVE, please contact me anytime at the phone number or email address above. Also I have 3-D images that I can send to you.

I look forward to your response.

Very truly yours. 

Red onion slices, vomited by a werewolf.

"I thought they were the fancy potato chips."

I thought they were the fancy potato chips.

I’ll post some stuff now.

A box of popcorn taking a dump.

Did the popcorn just drop a deuce?

Did the popcorn just drop a deuce?

Why yes I did.

Why, yes, I did.

"

“Prison handmade.”

Cereal wrapping-Handbag – $50 (corona)

Nice crafty handbags made out of cereal bags and potato chip bags. These bags are prison handmade and need to be sold to help those who do not have family who can help while they are incarcerated.

Many carnival workers experiencing simultaneous diarrhea.

We just crapped our pants.

We must have eaten some bad clams.

I noticed from the Afflictor traffic statistics that someone from the FBI Criminal Justice Information Systems had a look at this blog today. I’m serious about that.

Just a friendly visit, right? Not official business or anything, correct? No surveillance, isn’t that so? We’re good, aren’t we? Yikes!

From the FBI website: “The mission of CJIS is to reduce terrorist and criminal activities by maximizing the ability to provide timely and relevant criminal justice information to the FBI and to qualified law enforcement, criminal justice, civilian, academic, employment, and licensing agencies concerning individuals, stolen property, criminal organizations and activities, and other law enforcement related data.”

We have airport in Russia you will love.

We have airport in Russia you will love.

Steven Pinker might be a douchebag

Steven Pinker might be a douchebag /a-hole. Am only getting this from one experience, but if I’m right that he can be judged by looks or how he’s dressed, he’s kind of an asshole.

Tags:

Competitive eater Joey Chestnut consumed 69 frankfurters in ten minutes to win the annual Nathan’s hot-dog eating contest in Coney Island over the July 4th holiday. He seems like a good guy, so you hope he will stop devouring huge quantities of meat. Otherwise the best-case scenario is that a massive heart attack claims him swiftly so that he doesn’t have to endure the grueling pain of colorectal cancer. Seriously: He really, really needs to stop behaving this way.

“We’re making sausages”:

Tags:


10 search-engine phrases bringing traffic to Afflictor this week:

  1. the conversation film by francis ford coppola 
  2. did jack nicholson invent a hydrogen car?
  3. who performed the first monkey head transplant?
  4. who are the three christs of ypsilanti?
  5. why does charlie rose have a black eye?
  6. what was the TV typewriter?
  7. richard feynman speaking about ufos
  8. deserts receive more energy from sun in six hours than mankind uses in a year
  9. matt moore exploding baseball
  10. if you think the world was surprised when nixon resigned wait till i whip foreman’s behind
Afflictor: Happy that Edward Sbowden could spend his July 4th in a country that respects human rights more.

Afflictor: Happy Edward Sbowden spent July 4th in a country that respects human rights.

Where people are kind.

One where people are kind.

Hey...what's he doing?

Hey…what’s he looking at?

  • Slavoj Žižek thinks recent outbreaks of global unrest are connected.
  • Michael Pollan wants us to use photosynthesis to repair the environment.
  • A brief note from 1900 about a salesman.
"I an the furthest thing from a doctor."

“I am the farthest thing from a doctor.”

Someone to listen…

Having a rough day and need someone to listen? Whether it be the kids or significant other driving you crazy, hard day at work with your pain in the ass boss or everyday stuff, if you need to vent, I can help! I don’t judge or offer advice I am just your sounding board. I can’t offer any medical advice as I’m the farthest thing from a doctor but I can offer to listen as they would for significantly cheaper. If I can help you email me and we can discuss.

Today is a special day when Americans eat too much, drink too much and blow stuff up. That’s right, it’s Thursday.

Oh, and it’s also July 4th, the birthday of the U.S.A., the greatest nation in the history of the world. If you forget that America is the best country ever, we’ll remind you again in ten minutes. That’s because we’re large and wealthy yet deeply insecure, much like Alec Baldwin. Luckily, other countries are far worse so they can’t say shit. Yes, Turkmenistan, I’m looking at you. Suck it! And if you do talk trash about us, we’ll know right away because we’re listening in on your private conversations. We can’t help it: Spying on you gets us really hard.

Anyhow, enjoy a safe and happy holiday!

I hope you blow off all your fingers with Roman candles, you toxic queens.

I hope you blow off all your fingers with Roman candles, you toxic queens.

••••••••••

A day at the beach with Blotto, which was not Devo:

Piers Morgan: Surprisingly, Morsi was deposed first.

Top 5 foreign countries sending the most traffic to Afflictor in June:

  1. Great Britain
  2. Germany
  3. Canada
  4. France 
  5. China
"

“Removable vagina.”

Sex Doll realistic life size silicone – $2000 (Midtown)

Silicone Sex doll type II She’s all silicon with a removable vagina…. weighs 105 pounds She has been sitting in a wear house for two years bought for resale and sitting in one position that her breast drooped down a bit nothing u can’t fix… all it has to be done is to be turned up side down in a hot place like your garage especially in FL and her breast will go back to normal or heated with a blow dryer… Doll is worth $6000 but the way her breast are eeeehhh… oh well. She’s for sale AND SHE IS BRAND NEW NEVER FUCKED. It was bought for a store than things never worked so she’s in my hands now please send me an email or phone # if your interested no less than $2,000 that’s the bottom line.

WANT UNREADY SOUR GRAPES

If anyone has a grape vine growing in their garden, and if it has small grapes growing on it, PLEASE GIVE ME A CALL. I am pregnant and craving unready grapes since they are sour. I will pick them up. I will also give a tip.

When I was making my moronic joke about Marilyn Monroe earlier, it made me think of something. It will be the 100th anniversary of the actress’ death in 2062. I’m not saying she will be completely forgotten by then, but the anniversary will make at most a small ripple.  

So the question is this: Which Americans alive right now will be remembered 100 years after their deaths?

I think President Obama is a pretty safe bet, being the first African-American President. If Hillary Clinton or another woman already born becomes the first female U.S. President, sure. But who else? Any scientist, industrialist, athlete, playwright, civil rights leader, TV star, novelist or filmmaker? Who has made such an indelible mark in a world that relentlessly churns?

Has pop culture becoming our dominant culture made it likely that our most well-known people have a fleeting effect? Will anyone from the Sopranos or Silicon Valley be recalled in a century? Has technology made it easier than ever to record people and easier than ever to erase them? Have we gotten smaller or is it just the pictures that have? Who among us will sustain?•

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