Today is a special day when Americans eat too much, drink too much and blow stuff up. That’s right, it’s Thursday.

Oh, and it’s also July 4th, the birthday of the U.S.A., the greatest nation in the history of the world. If you forget that America is the best country ever, we’ll remind you again in ten minutes. That’s because we’re large and wealthy yet deeply insecure, much like Alec Baldwin. Luckily, other countries are far worse so they can’t say shit. Yes, Turkmenistan, I’m looking at you. Suck it! And if you do talk trash about us, we’ll know right away because we’re listening in on your private conversations. We can’t help it: Spying on you gets us really hard.

Anyhow, enjoy a safe and happy holiday!

I hope you blow off all your fingers with Roman candles, you toxic queens.

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A day at the beach with Blotto, which was not Devo: