Decoder: Recent Comments By Nevada GOP Senate Candidate Sharron Angle

August 5, 2010 in Humor, Politics | Permalink

Sharron Angle: Photo fuzzy, as is her reasoning. (Image by Steve Wainstead.)

Sharron Angle: We need people to really stand for faith and trust, not hope and change.

Decoder: By telling people to not vote for change, I seem to be encouraging them to support my opponent, the incumbent Harry Reid. That can’t be good for me.

Sharron Angle: Harry Reid is a consummate politician.

Decoder: Unlike me. I’m a total stumblefuck.

Sharron Angle: And these programs that you mentioned–that Obama has going with Reid and Pelosi pushing them forward–are all entitlement programs built to make government our God. And that’s really what’s happening in this country is a violation of the First Commandment.

Decoder: Why wait to see if I’m elected before blurring the line between church and state?

Sharron Angle: I know people are very frightened about what’s going on in this country.

Decoder: Most of them are frightened of me.

Sharron Angle: Harry Reid’s plan to save the Nevada economy is coked-up stimulus monkeys.

Decoder: I’m trying to twist a legitimate university drug-research project that involves monkeys into a scandal for my political gain. According to the Washington Post: “Bonnie Davis, a spokeswoman for The Wake Forest University Baptist Medical Center, told ABC the ‘small grant has helped protect very important research that will have significant impact on public health in regards to cocaine addiction and the issue of relapse.'”

Please do not stop your cocaine research. I love science so very much. (Image by Jorge Perez.)

Sharron Angle: [Harry Reid] reinvents himself at each one of his elections.

Decoder: This time he’s running as the person who’s not the crazy lady.

Sharron Angle: We know that once we have a majority that are dependent upon the government, we will lose our freedom.

Decoder: But think of all the extra time we’ll have. We won’t have to rush around when buying cocaine for our monkeys.

Sharron Angle: We need to have the press be our friend. We want them to ask the questions we want to answer so that they report the news the way we want it to be reported.

Decoder: The press will probably never be my friend, but Harry Reid seems to like me more every time I open my mouth.

More Decoders:

Tags: ,