Decoder: Ted Nugent Discusses The State Of America On The Sean Hannity Show

July 6, 2010 in Humor, Politics | Permalink

Ted Nugent: Tough guy who loves guns, requested a draft deferment during Vietnam. (Image by Lenny Francioni.)

Ted Nugent: I’ve been 61 years clean and sober, celebrating the American Dream, simply of being the best that you can be.

Decoder: The best I can be is an immature, miserable jackass. I know, not great, right?

Ted Nugent: Everybody I hang with–the ranchers, the farmers, the cops, the teachers, the plumbers…

Decoder: I’d like to establish my working-class bona fides.

Ted Nugent: …everybody I hang with, they got an alarm clock…

Decoder: Or they’d be late for functions. Although some people have an internal alarm clock. It’s kind of spooky.

Ted Nugent: …they put their heart and soul into being the very best that they can be, they want to be an asset to their families, their neighborhoods, they want to be productive members of society.

Decoder: I’m romanticizing people who agree with me on issues, artificially empowering my arguments. Most people have good and bad sides.

Ted Nugent: And then they see an Administration that is spitting on the U.S. Constitution, the Bill of Rights, the Ten Commandments, the Golden Rule.

Decoder: Of course, I may be judging this President with some prejudice since in 2007 I said, “Obama, he’s a piece of shit, and I told him to suck on my machine gun.”

Dr. Martin Luther King: If you own a crossbow, do not quote me. (Image by Dick MeMarsico.)

Ted Nugent: I’m going to quote my hero, Dr. Martin Luther King: “We who engage in non-violent direct action are not the cause of tension but rather bringing to the surface a tension that already exists.”

Decoder: I want to criticize the first African-American President broadly and unfairly, so I’m going to claim Martin Luther King as my hero to preempt any suspicion that I’m motivated by racism. It’s an especially curious move since I’ve been a guest on the pro-white radio program, The Political Cesspool.

Ted Nugent: We, the Tea Partiers, we are the people who are speaking up.

Decoder: We’ve been speaking up ever since an African-American guy got to be President. We were strangely silent about corruption in Washington before then.

Ted Nugent: The government works for us, they’re absolutely out of control. The Tea Party and what you stand for, Sean, and what I stand for is one big “A” word–accountability. That’s our money. At least be honest with us.

Decoder: Except if you’re going to honestly point out that I enjoyed being a 13-year-old boy so much that I stayed there the rest of my life. I can’t handle that kind of honesty.

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