Dan Quayle

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Dan Quayle: Dumb before being dumb was an asset.

Dan Quayle: Many remember the Reform Party of the 1990s, which formed around the candidacy of Ross Perot. I sure do, because it eliminated any chance that President George H.W. Bush and I would prevail over Bill Clinton and Al Gore in 1992.

Decoder: Of course, the reality that a genius like me would continue to be a heartbeat from the Presidency didn’t help the ticket, either. I was like Palin with a penis.

Dan Quayle: Democrats in the White House and in Congress recognize [the Tea Party] for what it is–a spontaneous and pointed response to the Obama agenda.

Decoder: Obama’s agenda, especially his fiscal policies, favor these largely low-to-moderate income people, so maybe they don’t like him for other reasons.

Dan Quayle: Republican leaders still aren’t sure what to make of it, as tea partiers have risen on their own and stirred up trouble in GOP primaries.

Decoders: Republican leaders are sure of what to make of it. They’d like to use the Tea Party in an opportunistic way, but it’s too combustible.

Dan Quayle: Sometimes in politics it’s easier to recognize foes than friends, and this may be why Democrats have been quicker to figure out the movement’s potential.

Decoder: Spitting, racial slurs, Hitler posters and death threats are potential for something alright.

Dan Quayle: Democrats assumed they had redrawn the political map forever, and they took this as a mandate to remake the federal government forever. To the surprise of millions of their supporters, they plowed ahead with federal control over health care.

Decoder: It really was pretty surprising that a Presidential candidate actually followed through on a campaign promise after taking office.

Dan Quayle: There’s a well-worn path of third-party movements in American history, and it leads straight to a dead end.

Decoder: Speaking of dead ends, that’s where your political career heads if you pick arguments with sitcom characters.

Dan Quayle: The tea partiers are concerned, above all, with fiscal matters and national security.

Decoders: But not so much with spelling.

Dan Quayle briefly mentions that he is opposed to lawlessness by Tea Party protestors, but he mostly sees a golden opportunity. (Image by Sage Ross.)

Dan Quayle: Republican leaders between now and 2012 should reach out, as Sarah Palin has done, to an independent grass-roots movement whose energy and conviction the party badly needs.

Decoder: It will require a great deal of energy to drive a major political party completely into the ground.

Dan Quayle: Potential presidential contenders such as Mitch Daniels, Mitt Romney, John Thune and Bobby Jindal have records of serious reform that square with the tea party agenda, and in a general election they could draw tea party votes as part of a broad and victorious coalition.

Decoder: None of these people will ever be President, especially if they align themselves with scary fringe groups.

Dan Quayle: The movement has enlisted Americans of every background in political activism.

Decoder: Well, not every background. Pretty much just middle-aged and older white people. It’s like the audience at a Hank Williams, Jr. concert.

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