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"I can hook you up with beer."
Hi all – I’m a female NYU student who needs two male students to move some heavy movie equipment for my student film. I have no cash, but through a weird cool connection I can hook you up with beer. A suitcase each man for the move. Same day beer pay.
"Guy with 3-foot dick."
SEXUAL FREAKS OF NATURE
Did I get your attention? Long ago a wise man once said, “Seeing is believing.” I am now going to put that to the proof. I am offering a series of video tapes for any standard VHS. In the early 1970’s, some genius rounded up a series of sex freaks and taped them doing their thing. These tapes can’t be had for love or money, after all, we are now living in a DVD world. A lot of things recorded long ago on a vanished medium are going the way of the saber-toothed tiger. BUT, some of us far-sighted individuals kept their precious recordings, and now I am in a position to hand down my hoarded collection.
What am I offering. Simply, video tapes of extremely gifted individuals.
1) Freaks of Nature No. 4 a) The Blob. A middle aged guy, slightly overweight, with a penis approx. 1 foot long and as thick around the base as a grapefruit, being worked on by a buxom female.
b) Ron Jeremy with a big-breasted babe, who then milks herself.
c) Hard core hermaphrodite scene
d) Double-dicked gent who eventually cums from both members.
e) Two very lucky guys, one with a dick head the size of a mushroom, and the other with a 3 foot long penis.
f) An oriental guy with a 3 foot dick gets oral sex, then balls himself
g) Another scene with The Blob
h) A babe with enormous breasts services two herms, one with a dick 2 feet long.
i)Another scene with a guy with two dicks
j) Rom Jeremy and a chick with wonderful vaginal muscle control
k) Another scene with mushroom head and a 3 foot long dicked guy
2) Best of Dixie Dynamite and Long Dan Silver. WOW, talk about a combo! Dixie Dynamite is some chick with breasts like water melons, damned if I can figure out how she sleeps. She had a brief appearance on the Howard Stern Show once upon a time. He couldn’t keep his eyes off of her. Long Dan Silver has to be one of the luckiest guys born (other than Bill Gates). Honestly, I don’t know why he doesn’t faint when he gets a hard-on. It’s so big he can’t fit it into a very willing chick’s pussy. CHECK THIS OUT!
3) Freaks of Nature No. 6 a) A 102 y/o man has sex with a young blond.
b) Girl with 3 inch nipples having fun with another girl’s pussy
c) Guy with two dicks
d) Sex with chubby chicks
e) Guy with super long tongue – at least a foot long – having fun with chick’s pussy
f) Nice lactating tits
g) Guy with 3 foot dick takes it up his butt
h) Return of The Blob
i) Two hermaphrodites, one with a 2 foot long dick
k) Double penetration he – shes
l) Double dicked gent, again
4) King Kong Dongs – Series of scenes of eye-poppingly giant cocks being serviced by a bevy of slurp-tongued beauties.
5) Six Girls and Long Dan Silver – A lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky guy with a cock half again as big as a Louisville Slugger.
6) Robo Cock – Our friend again: Long Dan Silver
7) King Kong Dongs No. 2 – More scenes of disgustingly endowed men and their vixens.
8) Double Penetration He Shes – Two scenes of hermaphrodites having fun with each other and a third person. The blond’s dick is easily 2 feet long, and she flexes it to prove it’s real.
9) Freaks of Nature No. 5 – more scenes featuring John Holmes, super long tongue, a girl born with two dicks, Wendy Whoppers, The Blob, and more guys with three foot dicks.
10) Extreme Sex – no sex freaks, just a porn flick I,ve enjoyed more than most.
Server problem. Seems to be remedied.
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Well! Here you are! Now that you have clicked on the link to this ad, and are slowly reading each word, one at a time, you are getting closer and closer to your new life. Exciting isn’t it? Tantalizing even. Perhaps you are wondering, “but what will happen to my life when I leave it?” No worries, mate! Your life will be in good hands; polished every so slightly for the whole world to silently envy. I will make the most of your life, and you will make the most of mine.
So, now I suppose it is time to tell you what treats lay ahead: 1. The body of a 20 year old, red-haired, slightly curvaceous, out of shape, woman. Too much cheese and broccoli makes her gassy, but don’t worry, every morning you will be surprised with a timely B.M. It’s like clockwork 2. Occasionally enjoys the carcass of dead, most likely breaded and fried chicken, but usually consumes veggies in all of their forms. Be warned, dairy can cause an over production of phlegm, and fried foods make her bloated. Keep an eye on the thighs. 3. You will be living in a two bedroom apartment in South Slope. Your bedroom will have a large closet, some plastic drawers, two shelves that have yet to be put up, and a twin bed. Sometimes the kitchen sink gurgles through the night. Sometimes mice will make friends with your hair in the morning. But hey! You still got the bathtub that doesn’t unclog! 4. Which brings us to our next chapter of your new life: friends. Well, they are few and far between. When deciding between old high school friends that smoke too much weed, or ones who spell things like, “D33z NuTz” you have readily chosen: your sister, your neighbor, Barefoot’s 7 dollar Cabernet Sauvignon, and Netflix. Don’t get too down: your an honors student who goes to school for free! 5. But hush, new soul mate, I know how enraptured you are to get started in your other-worldly experiences once you take over my life. But before we begin this transformation there are a few formalities. Please, have 800 dollars in cash upfront as to pay your months rent. Memorize the info on your fake I.D (I don’t want to come back with my body in jail, thank you very much) and expect to pay interest on the few hundred dollars I have on the few credit cards I own. Another helpful detail you will thank me for: don’t let my leg hair get too long, my legs start to get dry and itch like crazy. FInally the most important pointer, when a family member calls practice: agree, sigh, rhetorical “no way!”, repeat.
I think you are ready for the thrills that await you. Live in the now! Not the past or future. Be all you can be! Only, *you* will be me. And I will be *you*! Oh, I should have mentioned earlier, if you are balding, over 35, broke, have children, overweight, have no cable, live outside of the new york city area, own more than two cats, not rich, not famous, have an STD, have crazy roomates/ ex boyfriends, live in a walk-up, have a tail/webbed feet/other physical deformities, have less friends than I do, or finally, cannot control your bowels in public, I do not think this is relationship you should consider getting into.
Happy trading!:
Former British Prime Minister Tony Blair: Just smart enough to be dangerous.
Great Britain sent more unique visitors to Afflictor during February than any other foreign nation. Here are the Top 5 finishers:
Tags: Tony Blair
"Old poison/apothecary jars."
Greetings, I am a buyer and collector of fine antique items ranging from Victorian era to early Modern. I am always glad to meet and purchase items for CASH if the price is right and they fit my criteria. Please feel free to respond anytime and I will get back to you promptly for a discussion by phone or email. You can always expect the utmost courtesy and professionalism. Standard Antiques and collectible items are welcome but I SPECIALIZE in bizarre and odd items such as:
Ken Maynard and Evalyn Knapp appear "In Old Santa Fe" in 1934.
I got my coarse yet practiced hands on a crumbling copy of a 1935 songbook of 25 ditties used in the Westerns of old-time oater star Ken Maynard. The magazine-style periodical notes on the cover that “each song has melody, ukulele chords, words, piano accompaniment and guitar chords.” The songs have titles like “Christine Le Roy,” “The Dreary Black Hills” and “Curly Joe.” The introduction has a biography of Maynard, written by someone named Nancy Smith. A few excerpts follow.
••••••••••
Ken Maynard was born July 21 in Mission, Texas. The first few years of his life were spent on a ranch near this town.
His father is William H. Maynard, who now lives in Columbus, Indiana. He was a building contractor and his work caused him to continually move from place to place. Ken’s mother owned extensive Texas lands which they had bought with the proceeds of Kentucky farm lands. Ken says when he was a boy, no one would have the Texas land as a gift, but now that they have sold it all, it is becoming fabulously rich in oil production.
••••••••••
When he was eight years of age, he could imitate the tricks done by the average cow puncher. Incidentally, Maynard says that the fancy trick riding is a product of the circus and not of the range. The cow men’s trick in those days consisted chiefly of swinging toward the ground for a hat or some other simple stunt. The boy learned all of this quickly and began to develop his own style of riding.
••••••••••
At the age of twelve Ken tired of the range and ran away with a cheap wagon show that came to their village. Wagon shows were plentiful in those days. Ken remained with the show for three weeks before his father came and took him home. The boy said it felt like three years and he promised to stay home.
••••••••••
In 1914 Ken joined the Kit Carson show. In 1915 he went with the Hagenbeck and Wallace outfit. In 1918 he went with them a second time having appeared with Pawnee Bill in the meanwhile. Then he left show business to enlist in the army and was assigned to Camp Knox in Kentucky.
••••••••••
Maynard’s first role was that of Paul Revere in the Marion Davies’ film Janice Meredith. He won the part by superior riding ability.
••••••••••
Maynard has his own airplane and a government’s pilot license. He recently bought a 42-foot yawl and spends many week-ends cruising. He is a home owner, having purchased a large residence in Los Angeles.
••••••••••
He is regarded as the outstanding Western star in pictures today. Incidentally, all his pictures are based on historical facts of the west, the actor contending that boys and girls may be educated in history through the proper presentation of events on the screen.
••••••••••
Tags: Ken Maynard, Kit Carson, Marion Davies, Nancy Smith, William H. Maynard
"Somebody famous such as Paul Walker, Johnny Depp, or even Mike Tyson himself smoked and threw away." (Image by Anna Altheide.)
Okay, after walking out of Sargies on 3rd avenue and eating every thing my wife could hold in her pregnant stomach left me for broke. I do not have a dollar to my name, I mean literally, I don’t even have enough gas in my car to take me to work because I left it below E when I parked it only who know’s where because I was drunk looking for parking. (probably over $300 in parking tickets, that’s new york for ya) But I’ve realized something that should’ve hit me LONG ago. I probably could’ve had more money to feed my pregnant wife, or buy the baby diapers and milk in which it’s due in the next month I don’t have a dollar for that either..
So while walking out of my crappy 4th floor apartment with no elavators or some guy to open the door for me on my way out or open the door for me on my way in like you see on those movies.
THERE IT IS!!!!!!!!! I SPOT IT. A CIGARETTE BUTT. ONLY FROM WHO? IN WHICH REMAINED THE MYSTERY!
SO this is what I have to offer for sale.
BOOM! I know you’re asking, “Why is this collectible, is this guy out of his mind? What the hell is this guys problem?” Well let me fix it for you.
You see, this cigarette butt, could be somebody’s famous cigarette butt, Somebody famous such as Paul Walker, Johnny Depp, or even Mike Tyson himself smoked and threw away. The fact that makes it unknown makes it even more interesting! Infact, somebody NOT famous at the time could’ve smoked it and then BAM, now he’s famous and look what I collected off him. I am assuming it’s a HE because girls who smoke kill their cigarettes at the smokers outpost in corner of 34th and 7th avenue.
Anyway, if you’re interested in buying this cigarette butt, I have a few more in different colors.
I’m also into trades for automobiles with this. $500 obo.
Brooklyn-born Burt Fisch was a child prodigy with the viola who collaborated with everyone from Duke Ellington to John Cage during his amazing musical career. An excerpt from his obituary in the North County Times of California:
“Burt Fisch died on Sunday, February 13, 2011. He was able to celebrate his 90th birthday on February 8 with family and friends. Burt was a professional viola musician since the age of six. At 11, he entered the Juilliard School of Music, where he received his degree in 1940. After a brief stint in the Minneapolis Symphony, he was drafted into the Army in 1942 and was a member of the Army Band where he played piano, tuba, trumpet, and bugle, and conducted the dance band. After the war, he won a coveted spot in the CBS Orchestra in New York, and performed countless times on radio, television, and film. He played with practically every major pop and jazz musician of the time, including Paul Anka, Tony Bennett, Sammy Davis Jr., Duke Ellington, Benny Goodman, Lena Horne, Burl Ives, Johnny Mathis, Artie Shaw, and Frank Sinatra. Another notable gig was with John Cage in 1958. Even more significant was Burt’s role in the history of one of the great works in the viola repertoire: Bla Brtok’s Viola Concerto. When the Hungarian composer Bartk died in 1945, one of his unfinished compositions was a substantial concerto for viola. Burt was chosen to perform and record the work, which was the first recording of the music. Today, Brtok’s Viola Concerto is universally considered one of the greatest compositions for the instrument. In 1968, Burt moved to Fallbrook, California, and managed an avocado grove. He also formed chamber groups with other retired musicians, attended summer festivals and workshops, and performed extensively throughout Southern California. He was a founding member of the Striano Piano Quartet and arranged all of the music they played. He was also a musician for the San Luis Rey Chorale. He was known for his humor, charm, wit, intelligence, generous nature, and organizational skills.”
Tags: Burt Fisch
A few search engine keyphrases bringing traffic to Afflictor this week:
Afflictor: Sorely disappointing that woman who kind of looks like Rosie O'Donnell since 2009.
"I need to find a fake pregnant belly."
Hello.
I am shooting a film for my senior thesis in April on a very small budget, and I need to find a fake pregnant belly (preferably something latex). We can pay a little bit, but would love to have one donated, and we can return it unscathed once the film is done.
Any help at all would be greatly appreciated, even if it’s just a recommendation for where to look!
Thanks!
"Yummm"
Nope, this isn’t a joke. I’m in a desperate, delicious search for girl scout thin mints. It’s finally that season again and I haven’t been able to find them in the past few years. I’ll buy a ton from you if you or your child is selling and pay you if you can somehow get some for me. Please email if you do have, can have, or know where I can get some. Thanks a bunch! yummm
"Don't overpay anymore for your sheitel."
Ladies,,,,Don’t overpay anymore for your sheitel,,, I did the same thing… Im posting everywhere to warn aginst doing so…I didn’t know the markups on the sheitels your buying are 6X and more, i guess they charge alot for advertising costs etc… I found someone that can get them very low priced,,, and I wanted to tell everyone .. What I did is I went on eBay and found them , and I bought one… and now I’m buying more… I love mine, its perfect, its been about 4 months and I am trying to tell everyone I know about how happy I am,. its the best one iver ever seen. it has the kosher certificate also… and what a low price I paid. around 800$ and its long too… once i bought one for 3500$ and it fell apart in 6 months. I couldn’t get a refund. This wig is so much better.
"Interracial, milf, midgets (lol), bbc, bt, bc, dp, Latin, black, some Asian." (Image by mylerdude.)
I have 50 adult dvds for trade for anyone with an ipod 4 or 3g or any smartphone, or any other electronics in excellent and operational condition cosmetics don’t really matter as long as it works good. The dvds are mixed but the average run time is 7 hours and consist of interracial, milf, midgets (lol), bbc, bt, bc, dp, Latin, black, some asian, and one dvd by 50 cents (the rapper) among many others. All the vids are worth well over $300 and you’ll have days, upon days of self satisfaction without having to see the same material again unless you like a scene.
Tags: 50 Cent
"Fo' reals!"
I don’t know why I bought these fucking jeans. I don’t know what the fuck I was thinking. Somehow in the hazy, incandescent atmosphere of Diesel with that thumping, ear wrenching, aurally catastrophic “music” being slowly driven through my brain, I actually believed these jeans fit me. They do not. Now, nearly a month later, having tried to wear them again whilst not being intoxicated by presumptuous conceit and delusional grandeur, I have come to the conclusion that the jeans just aren’t right, they never were and they never will be. It’s truly a shame because they are really fucking cool jeans! Fo’ reals! Somebody with the correct body structure could rock the shit out of these jeans…sadly, that person is not me. And so, with a heavy heart, I would like to see these make their way into the hands of a more deserving individual, a person whose body can do justice to the high quality of build and superior materials which came into confluence, thus birthing the Viker 0088Z. The measurements of these jeans are: Men’s W26, L30. Except for trying them on in the store, they’ve only been worn once. I paid $160 for them, but I’m selling them for $80. Below is a photo of the receipt, to prove the authenticity of these motherfuckin’ jeans.
"Increases the facility with which invitations may be extended and accepted." (Image by Infrogmation.)
A print newspaper advertisement from 1899:
“Telephone service increases the facility with which invitations may be extended and accepted. Telephone service saves time, strength and nerves. Telephone service keeps members of the family in constant touch, no matter in what part of the country they may be located. Telephone service adds immeasurably to the comfort of suburban life by bringing the city within speaking distance. Residence service as low as 81 cents per week. The New York and New Jersey Telephone Company, 81 Willoughby Street, Brooklyn, New York.”
"Just be prepared for her ignorant rants about how everyone is stupid and things used to be so much better."
I would like to barter my Grandma. Currently I am living with her. She is independent and does not need to be taken care of. Just be prepared for her ignorant rants about how everyone is stupid and things used to be so much better. You will hear about how she is glad her husband is dead and probably some racist stuff also. She will be nice to you and everyone else’s face but will badmouth everyone behind their back in the six hours she spends on the phone a day. She will do gross stuff like use your kitchen sponge to wash everywhere and put it back in the sink. Also never eat her cooking. She is unsanitary and you will be crapping liquid for days. She does stuff like dipping raw chicken in bread crumbs and then putting the remainder back in the box to be used again. Grandma is a pack-rat who blows through money recklessly and then complains she is poor but uses the excuse that the bible says the world will end soon. And speaking of the bible if you ever cross her she will say you have the demons in you. She believes that she was diagnosed with MS in her thirties and overcame it. (First case I ever heard of) Dont try and argue with her. She is always right. If you have any type of headache ever she will insist you are a drunk even though you never drink.
Doesn’t sound too great huh. Maybe we can barter for some yard work exchange for the next sixty years and you could maybe just push her down the stairs. Be creative…will entertain all offers.
A few search engine keyphrases bringing traffic to Afflictor this week:
Afflictor: Attracting the attention of the intelligentsia since 2009.
"Gene." (Image by Stahlkocher.)
We built and used it for a design project, but now we have no room for Gene the Washing Machine!! Can you give him a good home?
He’s made of fabric and foam and a cardboard box inside.
Contact only if you are very serious about picking this up in Manhattan.
Tags: Gene
"He NEVER friended me on Facebook." (Image by Raphaël Labbé.)
The opening scene of The Social Network, David Fincher and Aaron Sorkin’s brilliant takedown of Facebook co-founder Mark Zuckerberg, features a momentous scene in which the aspiring tech titan is dumped by his girlfriend, Erica Albright, which leads him to begin experimenting with interactivty on the Internet. In the scene, Zuckerberg is presented as a prick and Albright as wronged, but the site Albright has started (it would seem to be real) isn’t exactly short on hubris. On the site, she describes herself as “Yes the Erica Albright who was dating Mark Zuckerberg the founder of the Social Networking website Facebook.” She mentions her long-ago beau and Facebook repeatedly. Well, milk it for all you can, Erica.
One interesting aspect of her posts is that she confirms that plenty of what happens in the movie is fiction, created wholecloth by Sorkin for his remarkably airtight script. The narrative arc of a movie has its demands, and fealty to facts has to be sacrificed. But is it ethical to fictionalize aspects of real people’s lives, especially when those people are alive and young and have most of their futures ahead of them? Zuckerberg took great liberties to achieve what he wanted, but Fincher and Sorkin also took some in making what is the best American film of the year. An excerpt from Albright’s blog:
“I went and saw the movie last night. Kind of crazy that someone is actually playing me in a movie! The movie definitely brought back some great memories….it made me miss my college years that’s for sure! (I feel soooo old) lol (: — I guess you could say the movie is ‘based on a true story’ but there are many scenarios that were soooo made up by Hollywood! As far as the two scenes I’m in, the first one is fairly accurate, we did ‘break-up’ over dinner, I do remember him ripping on my school (that wasn’t the first time)…but the second scene of me at dinner with my friends blowing Mark off never happened. (also he NEVER friended me on Facebook) lol! (:”
Tags: Aaron Sorkin, David Fincher, Erica Albright, Mark Zuckerberg
"The blowgun was demonstrated by one of the natives to my parents by darting a monkey out of a tree from a great distance."
Vintage Amazon Blowgun from the seventies. This is not a tourist item. It includes the 72” gun, a woven sack that holds the kapok cotton for the end of the dart, the quiver that holds the darts and a Piranha jaw bone to sharpen the darts.
Here is the truth, the whole truth! My parents were adventurous travelers when they where younger. In the mid seventies they made a trip to South America. While in Brazil, they took a trip up the Amazon River as far as their group could go. But that wasn’t good enough for them and they decided to go further up the river against local recommendations. They found transportation and ventured onward. A day or two later, they came across a tribe and befriended them and stayed with them for a couple days. The Blowgun was demonstrated by one of the natives to my parents by darting a monkey out of a tree from a great distance. My mother had to have this Blowgun, so she traded her sneakers for it! That’s THE END of the story!
"That pig tells you he loves you, while he screws his G/F behind your back! Outrageous!"
Well, don’t get angry, GET EVEN!!!
If that bum has been cheating behind your back, using you and now found another girlfriend, it about time your teach him a lesson. Imagine, that pig tells you he loves you, while he screws his G/F behind your back! Outrageous!
It’s legal and it’s easy: If you have any of his cars registered on your name, I will buy them and pay you a fair price cash and will be very discreet about it. Your SOB hubby or B/f will learn a lesson he is not soon to forget.
You only need a title with your name on it and we can do this deal. You get the money, he loses his car and he’s screwed for a change…what could be more perfect?
Get back to me with all the info and we can get the ball rolling, you’re not going to be sorry as were nice people to do business with and your hubby deserves this.
Thank You!
Vinnie and Sal
"There's a free skunk in it for you." (Image by AnimalPhotos.)
Hi,
I caught a pesky skunk in a trap in my yard and don’t know what to do with it. Anyone know how to get rid of it? There’s a free skunk in it for you…