Die, you dreaded disease!

Has anyone seen Chestnut?

We believe in a vengeful God.

No, not again!

Bye, embryos.

But my sister and I are already born.

Return my volley.

My vagina needs a nap.

Objection, your honor. I have a huge boner.

Sustained. I could use a piece myself.

Okay, but then I’m closing the store for the evening.

I’m on trial for murder. Please stop focusing on whores.

You’re murdering our good time. I find you guilty.

Extremely disappointed in the casting of Fifty Shades of Grey. They couldn’t find 2 better looking people to play Christian & Anastasia? Eww.

Ben Affleck as Batman?! Just when you thought that film wasn’t going to be a big enough disaster.

That’s it. Keep going.

But I’m only morbidly obese on the inside.

Just to be safe, let’s take both her legs.

Europe and the U.S. are imposing sanctions and you say…

How big is your strap-on? This big?

I’m not telling you.

But it’s longer than this pen, right?

I will not respond.

So big it hits you in the eye when you go jogging?

Immigrants aren’t like you and I.

Mother will never disobey Father that way again.

I should call that nice man from the John Birch Society.

I think I murdered that social worker.

Just made a fresh pitcher.

Nine dollars for the both of you.

We’ll give you six.

Take your pants off, boys.

Hope I didn’t burn your face.

No, I have no idea why I have chlorine and dog semen in my lungs.

You’re looking lovely, Mr. Butterscotch. Why don’t you join me in the pool?

I hate entertaining your fat, stupid American faces so much that after each show I drink gasoline from a bedpan and penetrate prostitutes dressed like Nazi prison guards.

I am ready for your cock, Herr Fallon.

Let’s watch Half Past Dead first. That one has Ja Rule and Nia Peeples.

My acting causes ball cancer.

That trick made me oatmeal this morning.

Eight dollars for a half and half. Ten if it’s bareback.

If I’m gonna be elected President in 2016, I’ll need to be smooth.

Ouch!

Damn, I took out a big chunk.

Well, I ain’t gonna waste it.

Did the popcorn just drop a deuce?

That breakfast burrito wasn’t sitting right.

Hurry, boys, it’s getting bad down there.

Not even for time-and-a-half and a matching 401k.