Mahmoud Ahmadinejad

You are currently browsing articles tagged Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.

“In Ten Years, I Envision Iran As An Economically And Politically Stable Country That Is At Peace With The U.S.”

May 10, 2013 in Excerpts, Politics, Videos | Permalink

Hooshang Amirahmadi, a Rutgers Public Policy professor of Iranian birth, is running an unlikely campaign to become the next President of that country and supplant the wackjob Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. A return engagement for the Shah may seem more likely, as Amirahmadi’s attempt is largely being powered by social media, including Facebook and Reddit, which have greater prominence outside of Iran than within it. He just did an Ask Me Anything at the latter site. A few excerpts follow.

__________________________

Question:

Do you believe that Iran can give up its nuclear program and rest assured that the United States will not meddle in Iran’s internal affairs well into the future?

Hooshang Amirahmadi:

The problem between the US and Iran did not start with the nuclear issue, rather with the Islamic Revolution or even the 1953 coup. I don’t believe a nuclear Iran can be immune from US intervention nor can a non nuclear Iran necessarily face US intervention. There are many countries with nuclear power that face American intervention (Pakistan) and other nations without nuclear power that do not face intervention (Turkey). Therefore, the nuclear technology is irrelevant to the way american foreign policy operates. What matters is the strategic relationship between the US and the particular country.

__________________________

Question:

I was just wondering what are your views on women’s rights and how they should dress?

Hooshang Amirahmadi:

There should be no difference between men and women. All laws for men should be the same for women, including the dress code. We support a free society for all and elimination of all kinds of discrimination against women and other disadvantaged groups. Of course while women should be able to choose their lifestyle privately, they must be held accountable for their choices in the public arena as well, just like men have to.

__________________________

Question:

How do you feel about Israel?

Hooshang Amirahmadi:

The animosity between Iran and Israel is unfortunate but entirely reconcilable. The fact of the matter is that the two countries have no territorial, religious, historical, nor ideological dispute. During much of Iran’s history, good relations were in place with Israel. The only thing that stands in the way is this: the Islamic Revolution. In 1979, Iran had a revolution that enshrined in its constitution the mandate to stand up for oppressed peoples around the world. It identified the Palestinians as one of those people and has taken a rejectionist stance toward Israel as a result. Therefore, the root of this problem lies in solving the Israeli-Palestinian problem. This has been a conflict since at least 1948, thirty years before the Islamic Revolution. I believe that the only lasting, peaceful solution is a two state solution with a viable, independent Palestinian state and a safe Israel with secure borders. Once that Israeli-Palestinian problem is solved, I believe the Iranian-Israeli conflict will go away much quicker than many imagine.

__________________________

Question:

If your two-state solution doesn’t work, what will happen with Israeli-Iranian relations? Will you remain neutral?

Hooshang Amirahmadi:

The two state solution is a realistic approach and is reachable as there is no other alternative. Unfortunately, because of certain tensions in the region and Israel’s nervousness about its security, the two state solution is being postponed. A change of administration in Iran and a few other regional countries will certainly help bring Israelis in line w a two state solution. This will happen and it is a matter of time. Again, it will happen only if the animosity toward Israel in the region is reduced making Israel more certain of its security in the future.

__________________________

Question:

Do you worry about being killed? Have there been threats or attempts on your life? And how do you avoid this?

Hooshang Amirahmadi:

I do not worry about this, and there have not been threats on my life. I don’t believe there is any reason for such a thing to take place because everything I promote is pro-peace and within the framework of the Islamic Constitution. I am not promoting war, sanctions, nor regime change. I am simply trying to offer positive solutions to the issues that matter to Iranians, as well as the international community, the most. From the inflation and unemployment, to US-Iran relations and foreign policy, I have never said anything that is out of the bounds of the country’s constitution.

I have always said that I have zero interest in being a martyr!

___________________________

Question:

Where do you envision Iran being in ten years?

Hooshang Amirahmadi:

In ten years, I envision Iran as an economically and politically stable country that is at peace with the US and all of its neighbors. I remain an eternal optimist and will do everything I can to be a part of this developmental process. Iran’s current economic situation is unfortunate, since Iran is actually a very wealthy country with rich energy and natural resources, a highly-educated workforce, varying climates, access to strategic waterways, and many other positive attributes. The reasons holding back Iran’s economic development are primarily mismanagement and sanctions. As someone who has been a peacemaker in US-Iran relations for thirty years, I would be best positioned to help realize that peace. In addition, economic development is my academic and professional background. I have taught international development and public policy as a tenured professor at Rutgers and have worked for many governments and international organizations on development. I wish to offer my background and expertise to help develop Iran economically as well. A lot can be achieved in ten years!

____________________

Iran just 34 years ago:

Tags: ,

Decoder: Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Boasts About Iran’s Growing Nuclear Prowess

February 13, 2010 in Humor, Politics | Permalink

I got this blazer on sale at Korvette's. Such savings you would not believe!

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad: With the U.S. and the U.S.S.R., one was just as bad as the other. Both contributed to the destruction of world values. They talked about prosperity and wealth, but they killed more than 120 million individuals in the last 120 years and made many more homeless and injured.

Decoder: I’m the only person on the planet annoying enough to make Russia agree with Obama on anything. I mean, the Russians side with North Fucking Korea over the U.S. And Kim Jong-il is one suspicious Happy Meal from being Idi Amin.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad: I am proudly announcing today that our scientists have gotten laser technology and will be manufacturing and providing the Iranian nation with new equipment.

Decoder: Lazer Zeppelin is upon us, and we will have the technology to produce Lazer Floyd within six months.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad: Today many of our cities enjoy electricity, schools, health, activities in villages that were on the verge of destruction. I do not want to offer figures and statistics; you are all aware of them.

Decoder: You’re not all aware of them? Let me see if I have them on me. Oh, I know, I must have left them in the pocket of my other Members Only jacket. But they are so very awesome, I swear.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad: I want to proudly announce that in the next few days we will have celebrations for electricity being transferred to all villages with more than 20 households.

Decoder: 1934, here we come!

The Tehran planetarium will be rocking. (Image by Dina Regine.)

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad: Due to the blessings of God Almighty, today the convoy of the Iranian nation’s progress and prosperity is moving forward more swiftly and no power can resist the power of the Iranian nation.

Decoder: I am not going to stop talking until I get this whole fucking country blown up.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad: With no doubt, the future belongs to the Iranian nation. Its enemies have no chance for victory.

Decoder: My penis, it is very small, so I talk really big. You should hear me in clubs and bars.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad: Liberalism is trying to turn all nations into laborers to fill the pockets of capitalists. They want to make a modern slavery.

Decoder: Though Casual Fridays are really fun. And that new lady in HR doesn’t seem bad. I think her name is “Carol.”

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad: The Allies’ victory in WWII was due to plundering the energy resources of the Middle East.

Decoder: I know even less about history than Sarah Palin.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad: They want us to be kept weak and under the domination of atrocious dictators.

Decoder: No, not me, Mr. Funnypants. The other atrocious dictators.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad: Hopefully, the Western wing of the hegemonic system has come to its end and this malicious system will hopefully collapse.

Decoder: Actually, it kind of already has, but they seem to still be way richer than us, which has me baffled.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad: From a scientific view we have made the swiftest signs of progress in the world.

Decoder: Did I mention only six months to Lazer Floyd?

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad: I am proud to announce that, the day before yesterday, we began to enrich the 20% fuel. The first convoy of 20%-enriched fuel was produced.

Decoder: It was very likely not produced, but again: little penis = big talk.

Thinks he's agreed to host an Aziz Ansari roast. (Image by Scott LaPierre.)

Mahmoud Ahmajinedad: They should know that our nation is so courageous that if we make a nuclear bomb, we will openly announce it.

Decoder: And Charles Barkley has agreed to do color commentary. No, seriously, he actually agreed to do it. He’s apparently crazy.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad: We will never allow the West to dominate this region.

Decoder: And by oppressing my own people and creating such a sick society, I will make sure we never dominate this region, either.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad: The Iranian youth have a right to seek justice and truth. They have a right to build their own future on the foundations of love, compassion and tranquility.

Decoder: And when they finally do, I am so totally fucked.

Tags: , , , , , , ,

Listeria: Top 8 “Barf” Products From Iran

February 1, 2010 in Urban Studies | Permalink

Because Diarrhea just won't get your laundry clean enough.

In Persian. the word “barf” means “snow.” In English, the word “barf” means “barf.” Thus we have a cultural disconnect. The Barf line of soap products is produced in Iran by a company called Paxan, which gulfbusiness.com refers to as “a leader in detergent, hygienic and intermediate chemical products and among the 100 superior companies in Iran.” Paxan makes many other brands that are not named “Barf,” but I find myself uninterested in them. It could be because I’m a complete fucking idiot.

Iran is one of the places that most fascinates me. Every person of Iranian descent I’ve ever met in the U.S. has been super smart and nice. Hopefully, the world will be different someday and visiting that country will be a possibility. Until then, they’ll be lots of jokes about Mahmoud Ahmadinejad washing his clothes in Barf. Here is a list of the top eight Barf products.

  • Barf Automatic Detergent Powder
  • Barf Bleaching Liquid
  • Barf Detergent Bar
  • Barf Detergent Powder
  • Barf Dishwashing Liquid
  • Barf Fabric Softener
  • Barf Scouring Powder
  • Barf Sourcing Powder

Tags: , ,