Excerpted: “Mencken Calls Tennis Order Nefarious, Silly,” Baltimore Sun (1948)

March 22, 2010 in Books, Excerpts, Politics | Permalink

I wrote about everything from the Scopes Monkey Trial to George Washington's weariness of the American people.

Mordant, contrarian, irrepressible, satirical wits like H.L. Mencken are always a source of strength in our country. In addition to being a distinctive prose stylist, the “Sage of Baltimore” was to his time what Stewart, Colbert and Maher are to theirs. His acute readings of American politics, race, class and gender in the first half of the twentieth century are still potent. I highly recommend Vintage Mencken if you’ve never read it.

In the 1948 piece I’m excerpting, Mencken distilled a conflict in which a mixed-race group of tennis players were arrested for attempting to have a match on a Baltimore public court. Mencken’s record as a progressive on civil rights and women’s rights is commendable, though his track record with Jewish people was less distinguished. He often decried the Jewish race, but he also did chastise FDR for not providing refuge for Jewish people after Hitler’s rise to power. Even great thinkers are a mixed-bag, I guess. An excerpt from the Baltimore Evening Sun piece:

“When, on July 11 last, a gang of so-called progressives, white and black, went to Druid Hill Park to stage an inter-racial tennis combat, and were collared and jugged by the cops, it became instantly impossible for anyone to discuss the matter in a newspaper, save, of course, to report impartially the proceedings in court….

But there remains an underlying question, and it deserves to be considered seriously and without any reference whatever to the cases lately at bar. It is this: Has the Park Board any right in law to forbid white and black citizens, if they are so inclined, to join in harmless games together on public playgrounds? Again: Is such a prohibition, even supposing that it is lawful, supported by anything to be found in common sense and common decency?

I do not undertake to answer the first question, for I am too ignorant of law, but my answer to the second is a loud and unequivocal No. A free citizen in a free state, it seems to me, has an inalienable right to play with whomsoever he will, so long as he does not disturb the general peace. If any other citizen, offended by the spectacle, makes a pother, then that other citizen, and not the man exercising his inalienable right, should be put down by the police.”

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Old Print Ad: X Bazin Depilatory Powder (1915)

March 22, 2010 in Misc. | Permalink

Look at how unobjectionable I am.

Do you want objectionable hair, women? Of course not! Everyone would object. That was the message sent in this 1915 print ad that appeared in women’s magazines. The depilatory powder, X Bazin, was made by a New York outfit called Hall & Ruckel. William Henry Hall and John H. Ruckel were a couple of chemists best known for Sozodont dentifrice and Walnut Leaf Hair Restorer, the latter of which I’m assuming didn’t work very well.

Two Hall & Ruckel revenue stamps were issued, one in 1865 and one in 1883. I hope no hairy women or bald men licked them. Think of the dishonor. The full ad copy:

“Summer Dress and Modern Dancing combine to make necessary the removal of objectionable hair.

X BAZIN depilatory powder has been used by women of refinement for generations for the removal of objectionable hair. It acts gently and effectively. It is harmless to the most delicate skin. It is easily applied.

Send us 10 cents for generous sample and our special offer. Sold by Druggists and Department Stores everywhere for 50 cents.”

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Recently Posted On New York City’s Craigslist

March 22, 2010 in Misc. | Permalink

Craig Newmark: I’ve always wanted a free couch from a smart aleck. (Photo by Dave Sifry.)

I’LL PAY YOU TO TAKE MY HEAVY PULL-OUT COUCH – $5 (pleasantville)

I have a standard-ish, grey-ish pull-out couch. I think it’s about 80″ long or so–I’m about 6’1″ and can comfortably stretch out when it’s folded up. it’s very plain/neutral looking w/no horrid floral patterns or stains–but the fabric on a few cushions is torn, and should be patched or re-upholstered, depending on how much you care/how you like to spend your money. It doesn’t smell like ferrets or nag champa, it wasn’t cursed by a witch doctor, and it won’t spontaneously accelerate out of control on the highway. We’ve been holding onto it as our only option for guest sleeping, but after a holiday season of guests, I don’t want any more (guests or sleeper-sofas)–and if someone really needs to stay over, they can deal with our regular-ish crappy leather couch.

Here’s the thing–we got the couch from someone second-hand for free, and the cushions are torn (but very cushion-y), as I already said, so I don’t feel quite right asking for any significant amount of money for it in the first place. Also, I want NOTHING TO DO WITH LIFTING IT. At all. I have moved 7 times in 6 years, my wife has a bad back, and mine is on the way, and this thing is not worth a lifetime of pain to me. Don’t get me wrong–it’s not framed around lead, but it’s a pull-out couch–it’s heavy. Two reasonably healthy people should be able to carry it just fine, but I will NOT be one of those people. You also need to be able to get it out the door without taking a square foot of the doorframe off in the process. I will stand around with a beer in my hand and point and say mildly encouraging things to ensure this.

And then, once it’s safely in your truck, or strapped to the top of your geo metro, or whatever, I’ll give you five bucks. You can swing by the gas station on the way home and get yourself a small bottle of ibuprofen and a red-bull–for the pain relief and energy necessary to get it into wherever you live.

“The Houston Astrodome Will Physically Separate Itself From The Planet Which We Call Earth And Will Fly”

March 22, 2010 in Politics, Urban Studies, Videos | Permalink

The world was strange in 1973, even stranger than it is today. That was the year of the three-day festival, Millennium ’73, when thousands of Vietnam War protestors gathered at the Houston Astrodome to hear the words of 15-year-old Shri Guru Maharaj Ji, who they believed was God. The attendees also thought that perhaps they could use their spiritual powers to levitate the stadium and make it fly, which would somehow stop the war.

i found a three-and-a-half-minute clip from the David Loxton documentary The Lord of the Universe, which captures some of the madness surrounding the teenage guru, who later changed his name to Prem Rawat. This segment particularly examines how the controversial event caused a deep rift between Chicago Seven member Rennie Davis and leaders of the Left, including Abbie Hoffman. 

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Decoder: Rep. Michele Bachmann’s Speech At The “Kill The Bill” Anti-Health Care Reform Rally

March 21, 2010 in Humor, Politics | Permalink

\

Michele Bachmann: A dictionary might help.

Michele Bachmann: The American people aren’t going to take this lying down.

Decoder: Except for the sick ones who don’t have health insurance. They probably won’t be well enough to sit up or stand.

Michele Bachmann: We are not the indentured servants of Pelosi, Reid or Obama.

Decoder: I’m going to look up “indentured servant” in the dictionary later. I may not be using that correctly.

Michele Bachmann: They are spending us into a bondage we can never dig our way out of.

Decoder: Bondage is a type of restraint. It doesn’t really have anything to do with being buried. But perhaps we could use the sharp end of the shovel to break the locks on the bondage thingy.

Michele Bachmann: No Republican in the House or Senate will vote for this. Now it’s down to one-party rule.

Decoder: Actually, it’s still a two-party rule even if the two parties vote differently. In that case, the party with the most votes prevails. They represent the majority of Americans. While it’s unfortunate that there’s such a stark ideological split, such a divide doesn’t constitute a one-party rule.

Michele Bachmann: You wait until 2012. This is a one-term President.

Decoder: Scary wackos like me, Palin and Beck will make a calm, studious person like Obama look really inviting again.

Michele Bachmann: They took over Chrysler. They took over GM. They’re running these companies into the ground.

Decoder: Those companies were already in the ground.

Michele Bachmann: Then they gave 3,400 decent, viable car dealerships across the country pink slips.

Decoder: Many, many more jobs would have been lost if the government hadn’t taken over Chrysler and GM and those companies had gone bust.

Michele Bachmann: I think we need IQ tests before these people go to Washington.

Decoder: But not for me. I’m busy that day.

Michele Bachmann: The government is not working for us.

Decoder: I define “us” as a small group of resentment-filled white people with a shaky grasp of history who want to blame someone else for their jackass lives. Instead the government is working for the non-screeching majority.

Michele Bachmann: This is dictatorial what they are doing.

Decoder: When I look up “indentured servant” in the dictionary, I’m going to look up “dictator” as well.

Michele Bachmann: This bill could be the stone that ends up sinking this country forever into a sea of debt.

Decoder: It will drown the skeletons of our pastry chefs. It will drink the blood of our midwives. It will disembowel our crossing guards. Wow, I am an adult who sees everything in absolute black and white, just like a child–a really stupid child.

Read other Decoders.

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Science/Tech: A Million Bucks And The Reclusive Russian Math Genius

March 20, 2010 in Science/Tech | Permalink

Henri Poincaré: Collect the million dollars, dummy.

A brief New Scientist article details how reclusive Russian math genius Grigori Perelman, who solved Poincaré’s conjecture, may turn down the million dollar prize attached to that feat. The conjecture, posed by French mathematician Henri Poincaré in 1904, is way over the layman’s head, but it involves the properties of spheres in three dimensions. The skittish Perelman may not accept the Millennium Prize from the Clay Mathematics Institute. An excerpt:

“Perelman published a proof in 2002, but since became disillusioned with mathematics and withdrew from the mathematical community. In 2006 he refused to accept a Fields medal for his work, an award often described as the Nobel prize of mathematics.

The president of CMI, James Carlson, is waiting to see if Perelman will do the same for the Millennium prize. ‘It may be a while before he makes his decision,’ he says. The Poincaré conjecture is the only one of the seven Millennium problems that has been solved to date, and the fate of the prize money is uncertain if Perelman rejects.”

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Response To A Recent Actual Spam Email From Keith Dykhoff

March 20, 2010 in Humor, Misc. | Permalink

Perhaps it could bulge more, but it's completely functional as is, ladies.

Dear Mr. Keith Dykhoff,

Thank you for your recent spam email with the subject line: “Make knob bulging!” We at the Afflictor offices are a little embarrassed to ask, but you’re talking about the penis, right? If you’re talking about actual doorknobs, we’d like to apologize for being presumptuous. While the products your company offers are no doubt effectively bulge-inducing, Mr. Dykhoff, we have to pass on making an order at the present time. We just purchased some new jeans, and if we use your products, we’d have to go out and buy some bulging-knob jeans. In this tough economy, that wouldn’t be feasible. If America’s financial outlook should improve, we’ll be in touch.

Sincerely,

Afflictor

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Old Print Article “Melancholy–The Matrimonial Experiences of Colonel Ruth Goshen,” Brooklyn Daily Eagle (1879)

March 20, 2010 in Misc., Old Print Articles | Permalink

"The Turkish Giant Robbed of his Wife, his Educated Goat, his Money and his Horse and Carriage."

Arthur Caley, better known as P.T. Barnum’s “Arabian Giant,” was born in the 1820s or 1830s, though nobody knows for sure just when. His main stage name was “Colonel Ruth Goshen,” and he was billed as being near eight feel tall and weighing 600 pounds, but that was likely an exaggeration of some inches and pounds.

He traveled the world, adopted a daughter and was married several times (though one of his wives ran off with another man and stole his horse and goat). It was rumored that he was from Jerusalem or the Isle of Wight or several other places.

The Giant and Barnum had a parting of the ways at some point, and the massive man passed away in 1889 in Middlebush, New Jersey. This piece from the Brooklyn Daily Eagle concerns his ill-fated marriage which fell apart a decade before his death. An excerpt from the article, which is subtitled, “The Turkish Giant Robbed of his Wife, his Educated Goat, his Money and his Horse and Carriage”:

“That matrimonial misery may afflict the highest as well as the lowest was never better illustrated than in the affliction which has overtaken Colonel Ruth Goshen, the giant whose enormous figure has towered in Brooklyn for the past two weeks.

The Colonel is one of the most widely known celebrities of his class in the United States. His acquaintances agree that he has agreeable manners and a confiding disposition; and although his stature might easily vie with the inhabitants of Brobdignag, he is but a child in the dark and crooked ways of the wicked world.

Like the Thane of Fife, the Colonel had a wife, and well may he ask in tremulous tones, as he did this morning, ‘Where is she now?’ In fact, Mrs. Colonel Ruth Goshen has eloped with a showman and the gigantic hero of many gory fields has been compelled by perfidy of his spouse to assume the role of the injured husband and is taking steps toward the procurement of the divorce.”

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Excerpted: Karl Lagerfeld Q&A, Vice

March 20, 2010 in Excerpts | Permalink

Thankfully, Lagerfeld's great evil lies mostly dormant. (Image courtesy of Georges Biard.)

Canadian filmmaker Bruce LaBruce conducts a lively interview with fashion star Karl Lagerfeld in the new issue of Vice. I don’t really care about Lagerfeld or fashion, but it’s a provocative and suitably ridiculous piece. The following are a few excerpts from the long Q&A.

*****

Bruce LaBruce: I hate it when photographers are like, “Can we have one with your glasses off?” Why? You can see me just fine.

Karl Lagerfeld: I had an interview once with some German journalist—some horrible, ugly woman. It was in the early days after the communists—maybe a week after—and she wore a yellow sweater that was kind of see-through. She had huge tits and a huge black bra, and she said to me, “It’s impolite; remove your glasses.” I said, “Do I ask you to remove your bra?”

*****

Bruce LaBruce: And you have no problem with porn, either.

Karl Lagerfeld: No. I admire porn.

Bruce LaBruce: This is another thing that we have in common.

Karl Lagerfeld: I personally only like high-class escorts. I don’t like sleeping with people I really love. I don’t want to sleep with them because sex cannot last, but affection can last forever. I think this is healthy. And for the way the rich live, this is possible. But the other world, I think they need porn. I also think it’s much more difficult to perform in porn than to fake some emotion on the face as an actor.

*****

Bruce LaBruce: I think that you might have Asperger syndrome. Do you know what that is? It’s a kind of autism. It’s like an idiot savant.

Karl Lagerfeld: That’s exactly what I am. As a child I wanted to be a grown-up. I wanted to know everything—not that I like to talk about it. I hate intellectual conversation with intellectuals because I only care about my opinion, but I like to read very abstract constructions of the mind. It’s very strange.

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“Soon, Across America, We Can Expect To Hear The Rhythmic Pad-Pad-Pad Of The Sneaker”

March 20, 2010 in Excerpts, Sports, Urban Studies | Permalink

Jimmy Carter, the first jogging U.S. President, out on a run in 1978.

Jogging as an exercise reached critical mass in the United States during the 1970s, but it was during the 1960s when it first took flight. Bill Bowerman, the University of Oregon Track and Field Coach, wrote (along with heart specialist W.E. Harris) the 1966 book, Jogging, which popularized the sport in America. Bowerman, who would later co-found Nike, learned about jogging as a fitness regimen while visiting New Zealand. The book would ultimately sell more than a million copies.

Jogging seemed as much a fad as the CB radio during the ’60s and ’70s, but it endured and became a seemingly permanent part of American fitness. The March 22, 1968 issue of Life published a dopey, tongue-in-cheek review of the Bowerman-Harris book by William Zinsser, during the sport’s first burst of popularity. An excerpt:

“The highest inaugural rite that the government can bestow on its program of outdoor exertion–now that Pierre Salinger has retired from this kind of work–took place recently when four jogging trails were opened near Washington D.C. Secretary of the Interior Stewart L. Udall led 40 people, including several congressmen and 20 members of a Baltimore jogging club, on a two-mile jog over one of the new trails, ending with a speech in which he predicted ‘jogging is going to catch on nationwide.’ Soon, across America, we can expect to hear the rhythmic pad-pad-pad of the sneaker and rustle of the sweat suit. Hearty cries of ‘Well jogged!’ will mingle with the chirping of birds in the virgin air.”

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Recently Posted On New York City’s Craigslist

March 19, 2010 in Misc. | Permalink

Craig Newmark: But I came prepared to play Donkey Kong. (Photo by David Sifry.)

VINTAGE PINBALL MACHINE – $895 (Fairfield, County)

Did you get your tax refund yet?

1969: Nixon was President, The Stonewall Riots happened in Greenwich Village, NYC, launching the beginning of the Gay Rights Movement, the Beatles had their last performance on the roof top of Apple Records, men walked on the moon, it was the summer of Woodstock and the manufacture of our Pinball Machine!

This “Pirate Gold” vintage pinball machine was manufactured in 1969 by Chicago Coins/Chicago Dynamic Industries.

We have had it since June of 2001 (an anniversary present, don’t ask what was my husband thinking! Perhaps we should have started therapy then).

It was purchased from a wonderful dealer in Hamden, CT, who told us the value this many years later. Without the crash of 9/2008 it would have increased in value by 15% but this model in this condition is selling for what we paid 8 1/2 years ago.

It is in perfect working condition and looks as good as the day it was delivered. It is one of those oldie and goodies in the pinball world in which it is very easy to get extra balls during your game.

If you are not a collector, I have found out what you need to know to separate the top from the bottom for transport.

Serious inquiries only please.

You’ll get our family score sheet with it but watch out because Grandma Joan really kicked ass: gin & tonic in one hand and the highest score and quite competitive about it all too!

We’ll play Pinball Wizard for you by The Who when you come to check it out.

Decoder: Glenn Beck And Iowa Congressman Steve King Discuss Health Care Reform

March 19, 2010 in Humor, Politics | Permalink

Glenn Beck: Confident and stupid. (Photo by Gage Skidmore.)

Steve King: I have a fair amount of anxiety about what’s happening to our liberty in America this week, Glenn, but other than that, I’m healthy.

Decoder: Though it doesn’t matter if I’m healthy or not, because every member of congress has wonderful health care thanks to the taxpayers.

Steve King: If tens of thousands pour into [Washington D.C.] again, like they have numerous times before, pack this capital, jam this capital, surround this place, don’t let anybody in or anybody out, they will have to capitulate.

Decoder: Okay, I didn’t realize how illegal that would sound. It sounds like we’re taking hostages. I mean, I want it to be a cool kind of hostage-taking. You know, like Denzel Washington in that hospital movie, John Q. Okay, bad example.

Steve King: Drop your plows and your hammers and get on a plane or a bus or drive your pickup truck. Come into Washington DC, fill this city up.

Decoder: Leave behind your covered wagons, your gas lamps and your charwoman. Come forth upon a chariot and a mighty wind. Or just take the Acela. It has wi-fi now.

Steve King: They intend to vote on the sabbath, during lent, to take away the liberty that we have right from God.

Decoder: The God-given freedom to drop dead without health care.

Glenn Beck: You know, I sense we’re talking to Congressman Steve King from Iowa, one of the good guys.

Decoder: One of the good guys who made derisive comments about the IRS right after a terrorist rammed a plane into an IRS building, killing a U.S. military veteran. One of the good guys who complained when deportation of Haitian illegal aliens was temporarily halted in the days after the earthquake. One of the good guys who said that the “optics” of someone who looked like Barack Obama winning the Presidency would please terrorists.

Glenn Beck: They’re going to vote for this damn thing on a Sunday, which is the sabbath, during lent. You couldn’t have said it better. Here is a group of people that have so perverted our faith and our hope and our charity that it is an affront to God.

Decoder: Even Fox is embarrassed of me.

Steve King: I don’t know how they can hole up and go into their private meetings in these secret formerly smoke filled rooms and with the guards on the outside of the door and put these things up and keep it a secret.

Rep. Steve King: Rated tickle-worthy by Eric Massa.

Decoder: The entire health care bill is online and available to the public. Just put down your plow and hammer for a second and log on.

Glenn Beck: You’re not a dirt bag, are you?

Decoder: Because that’s my act and bad enough I have to share it with Hannity.

Glenn Beck: How have we never met? I don’t know, Steve King, how we never brushed up against each other.

Decoder: That sounded gay. I didn’t mean for it to sound gay.

Steve King: In Czechoslovakia and Prague, people came to the town square and they just stood there and they held up their keys and shook their keys and the rattle of those keys was the rattle of the breath of liberty emerging in Czechoslovakia and there were so many of them and they came in such great numbers that in the end the communist government fell and freedom prevailed in Czechoslovakia and it prevails today.

Decoder: I know that all of our current leaders were freely elected. I just don’t like when they turn out to be non-white or try to do things I don’t agree with. When that happens, there should be a Velvet Revolution.

Read other Decoders.

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Old Print Ad: Spanish Influenza Warning (1918)

March 19, 2010 in Misc. | Permalink

Walt Disney contracted and survived the illness.

The Spanish flu outbreak, which lasted from 1918-1920, was the greatest natural disaster in humankind, infecting a third of the world population and claiming the lives of at least 50 million people. It was likely a strain of the virus similar to H1N1.

The flu was a further burden on a world in the throes of WW1. Notable people who died from the illness were French poet Apollinaire, Detroit Tigers owner Bill Yawkey and German political economist Max Weber.

This 1918 public-health awareness advertisement was the beginning of a consciousness-raising effort to warn Americans about the illness. It features the image of a sickly looking man being given a lot of space by his fellow citizens. The copy in full:

“Coughs and sneezes spread diseases. As dangerous as poison gas shells. Spread of Spanish Influenza menaces our war production. U.S. Public Service begins nationwide health campaign.”

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Listeria: Popularity Of The Name “Jennifer” In The Years After Love Story Was Released In 1970

March 18, 2010 in Misc. | Permalink

Jennifer Garner was born in Texas in 1972. (Photo by Karen Liu.)

  • 1970: #1 (most popular girl’s name in America.)
  • 1971: #1
  • 1972: #1
  • 1973: #1
  • 1974: #1
  • 1975: #1
  • 1976: #1
  • 1977: #1
  • 1978: #1
  • 1979: #1
  • 1980: #1
  • 1981: #1
  • 1982: #1
  • 1983: #1
  • 1984: #1

See other Listeria lists.

Excerpted: “Living Big In A Loft,” Life (1970)

March 18, 2010 in Excerpts | Permalink

Soho loft buildings looking spiffier today than they did in 1970. (Image by Andreas Praefcke.)

I came across the photo essay “Living Big in a Loft,” a story about the artists working and living in industrial lofts in the then-gritty Soho section of Manhattan, in a 1970 issue of Life.

It’s an old saw by now, but artists who needed cheap space for large-scale creations colonized an area that was then zoned only for light-industrial use. Since the artists were also illegally living in the lofts they purchased and rented, they were in danger of losing their space if building inspectors caught them using the lofts as living quarters.

The photos of the lofts are really cool. The artists mentioned include Tom Blackwell, Jack Beal, Nobu Fukui and Bob Wiegand. An excerpt:

“Multimedia Artist Bob Wiegand swings from a trapeze he installed in his 2,500 square-foot loft, on the fifth floor of a cooperatively owned building. He enjoys performing acrobatic stunts in his studio, although he admits climbing the 144 stairs from the street is probably all the exercise that anyone needs.

Wiegand is one of the original organizers of the ‘SoHo Artists Association,’ a group working to change the laws that prohibit living in lofts. SoHo is short for ‘south of Houston Street,’ the area where most of the disputed loft-residences are located.”

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New DVD: Moon

March 18, 2010 in Film | Permalink

Sam Rockwell is a man who wants to fall to Earth.

Even though it’s ultimately not the full-bodied triumph that it might have been, there is much to recommend Duncan Jones’ small-scale, engrossing 2009 sci-fi feature, Moon.

In his debut, Jones tells the story of Sam Bell (Sam Rockwell), an employee of Lunar, a company that has solved the global energy crisis by harnessing the power of sunlight as it reflects off the moon.

Sam is nearly at the end of a three-year hitch at a mining station on the moon, and is getting antsy about being away from his wife and daughter and being all alone. Of course, he isn’t completely alone.

There’s a HAL-ish computer that speaks in deadpan (voiced by Kevin Spacey), and there’s a clone of Sam that appears one day without warning. Adding to Sam’s headaches are his deteriorating health and faltering space equipment. He has to figure out what’s going on and get his tin can back home.

Writer-director Jones is David Bowie’s son, and Moon owes a debt to ’70s sci-fi films like The Man Who Fell to Earth, a starring vehicle for his dad. While the story isn’t quite developed enough, Moon succeeds because of Rockwell’s magnificent performance(s), and Jones’ gifts for mood, visual design and ability to express a sense of dread that echoes our fears in an age when almost anything seems possible. And the genre pic also works well as a parable about the endlessness and redundancy of warfare.

Read more Film posts.

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Recently Posted On New York City’s Craigslist

March 18, 2010 in Misc. | Permalink

I once recorded a radio segment that ended up in the garbage. How it got in the garbage, I don't know. (Image by Ralph F. Stitt.)

Rare Early Radio Comedy Discs Uncovered (Upper West Side)

A rare find of radio show segments featuring many of the great comedians of the 20th century has been uncovered. Dozens of legendary comedians and lesser-known comedians are represented on these plastic, homemade discs with handwritten labels. There is Milton Berle, Bob Hope, Martin-Lewis, Arthur Godfrey, Groucho Marx, Fred Allen, Jimmy Durante, Jack Paar, Eddie Cantor, Danny Thomas, Danny Kaye, Edgar Bergen, Myron Cohen, 3 Stooges, Victor Borge, Morey Amsterdam, Henry Morgan, Mel Blanc and so many more. Also on disc–Sinatra, Al Jolson, Bing Crosby, Bea Lillie, Sophie Tucker, Bette Davis, Gus Van, Hildegarde, Ethel Merman et al. There is even a speech given by Winston Churchill (not in good condition).

Bing Crosby and Al Jolson do a Rip Van Winkle skit; Danny Kaye performs Begin the Beguine (label notes “off-key”); Morey Amsterdam performs a Monkey Poem; one of Milton Berle’s contributions is “Gas Station”; Jack Carter does his Piccadilly Song.

Other comedians include Phil Foster, Henny Youngman, Al Bernie, Lenny Kent, Peter Donald, Irwin Corey, Myron Cohen, Peter Lind Hayes and Mary Healey, Garry Moore, Billy DeWolfe, Joe Besser, Abe Burrows and Doodles Weaver. Some discs contain a few women comedians or comedy actresses. There is much more.
These recordings probably have never been issued commercially.

There are more than 230 of these rarities. Some are on 7″ discs and most on 10″ discs that play at 33 1/3 rpm. They are all in sleeves and look good and the ones that I have played seem to play well. Many of them look like they have never been played.

They are being offered for sale as a collection.

If interested please call me. If you know of anyone else that might be interested kindly advise.

New York Post–Sunday May 31, 2009 P.6

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The Sporting Life: The Stadium And The Squalor

March 17, 2010 in Politics, Sports | Permalink

Unlike many local residents, Mbombela Stadium will have electricity and indoor plumbing. (Image by Goldorak.)

Really good article by Barry Bearak in the New York Times about the South African provincial capital of Nelspruit spending $137 million dollars on a stadium that will host six hours of World Cup soccer this year, while a good number of its citizens live in dire poverty.

I get the idea. Build a stadium, show the world how modernized you are on a big stage and attract more investment. But just imagine how much infrastructure that amount of money could build in South Africa. An excerpt from “Cost of Stadium Reveals Tensions in South Africa“:

“Come June, soccer’s World Cup will be hosted by South Africa. Though only four of the 64 games are to be played here in Nelspruit, a $137 million stadium was built for the occasion. The arena’s 18 supporting pylons reach skyward in the shape of orange giraffes. At nightfall, their eyeballs blink with flashes of bewitching light.

The people who live nearby, proud as they are to host soccer’s greatest event, also wonder: How could there be money for a 46,000-seat stadium while many of them still fetch water from dirty puddles and live without electricity or toilets?”

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Listeria: Popularity Of The Name “Woodrow” Since Woodrow Wilson Was Elected President In 1912

March 17, 2010 in Politics | Permalink

Woodrow: Screw you Jacob, Michael and Ethan!

  • 1912: #42 (most popular boy’s name in America.)
  • 1922: #210
  • 1932: #323
  • 1942: #274
  • 1952: #360
  • 1962: #557
  • 1972: #685
  • 1982: #967
  • 1992: Fell out of the top 1000; has not returned.

See other Listeria lists.

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Decoder: Rick Santorum’s Comments From “On The Record With Greta” And Other Venues

March 17, 2010 in Humor, Politics | Permalink

Unintelligent, yet believes in intelligent design.

Rick Santorum: Ordinary people realize that what you’re talking about here is taking away choices from them about health care. And I remember one [woman who said] “You know, my father has very bad cancer and has a 15 percent survival. He’s at the Mayo Clinic. We may lose the farm. You know what? In Norway, you can’t get this drug. In Britain, you can’t get–it’s illegal in Canada. Because it’s an expensive drug. And there’s one thing worse than losing your farm, and that’s losing your dad!”

Decoder: Another good way to lose your dad: Let him be one of the tens of millions of Americans who can’t afford ridiculously high insurance premiums. If he gets cancer–even the kind with a good cure rate–you will lose him.

Rick Santorum: But if you’re saying things about what the President’s bill is about, and you’re in most cases, probably telling the truth, unlike what they are doing, you’re now going to be reported to the White House. That’s not good!

Decoder: What I just said is bullshit. Also: I hope no one remembers I supported the Patriot Act loosening restrictions on wiretapping Americans. I also voted to extend the wiretap provision.

Rick Santorum: There’s one part of Medicare, it’s called Medicare Advantage, that is private sector. It’s private sector-run. It’s a managed care program that is completely private sector experience in Medicare. [Obama] wants to shut it down.

Decoder: If I had been a Senator when Medicare was established, I would have voted against it and called all of it socialism.

Rick Santorum: Political correctness is reigning in the military right now.

Decoder: Despite the strain of two long-term wars and helping people victimized by natural disasters, our military is doing a tremendous job. Some of those soldiers doing the great work are gay. I want to prevent them from continuing their service to their country.

Rick Santorum: I am considering putting my name in for the 2012 presidential race.

Decoder: I’m also considering putting my name on my towels. “His” and “Hers” are pronouns and pronouns are the devil’s handiwork.

Read other Decoders.

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The Political Life: The Arab World Since Sadat’s Assassination

March 17, 2010 in Politics | Permalink

Anwar Sadat was assassinated by Islamic militants in 1981. Egypt hasn't enjoyed a prominent place in Middle Eastern and world politics since.

The always incredible Arts & Letters Daily pointed me in the direction of the excellent article “The Arab Tomorrow” on the Wilson Quarterly.

The title of the piece, written by David B. Ottaway, is almost a misnomer, since it deals with recent and current Arab history as much as the future of Arab states. But it’s an uncommonly cogent, lively examination of that region of the world. An excerpt:

“That world now stares at two sharply contrasting models of its future: the highly materialistic emirate state obsessed with visions of Western-style modernity, and the strict Islamic one fixed on resurrecting the Qur’an’s dictates espoused by fundamentalists and Al Qaeda.

The struggle between these two models for the hearts and minds of Arabs is intense, particularly among a questioning, restless youth. The lure of the new, shiny emirate cities remains powerful, but there is a soulless quality about these places that raises questions about their lasting appeal. On the other hand, Muslim terrorism unleashed against other Muslims has done nothing to enhance the call for an Islamic state.”

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Afflictor Nation: Russia Keeps Coming Back For More Of Our Idiocy

March 17, 2010 in Misc. | Permalink

Despite being "blind," Josh Groban is a great singer and fine hockey player. He's also of part-Russian descent. (Image by Captain-tucker.)

Some things are tough to explain. Like that three-year period where I thought Josh Groban was blind. It turns out that he just squints a lot when he sings, but I somehow didn’t realize that.

Another thing I can’t explain is why our site is so popular in the Russian Federation. In the nearly four months of Afflictor’s existence, Russia is surprisingly the foreign country that has visited us most often.

I know there currently isn’t a lot to read in Russia because many journalists have been poisoned during the Putin years, but there’s still no excuse for Russians to be paying our site so much attention. You comrades should use your free time to meet some new friends.

But if you insist on coming back and reading more of our crap, Afflictor Nation will be here for you, Mother Russia!

Meet other Afflictor Nations.

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Old Print Article: “Dr. Pope Murdered–Brusseau, His Wife’s Nurse, Charged With The Crime,” Brooklyn Daily Eagle (1895)

March 16, 2010 in Misc., Old Print Articles, Urban Studies | Permalink

An illustration from the 1840s that show the effects of chloroform. Kids, don't try this at home.

Love, lust, adultery, chloroform, gunplay, a hatchet and insurance money were a lethal combination (of course!) for a dentist in Detroit, Michigan, in 1895. An excerpt from a story in that year’s February 3 edition of the Brooklyn Daily Eagle:

“Dr. Horace E. Pope, a dentist, with an office on Michigan avenue, where he resided, was killed this morning by William Brusseau, Mrs. Pope’s nurse. Brusseau says he found the dentist sitting on the side of his wife’s bed, holding a cloth saturated with chloroform over her mouth. The nurse says that when he entered the room Dr. Pope fired at him. Brusseau says he seized a hatchet and struck the dentist in the head. It is said that the deceased and his wife frequently quarreled over the attention paid the latter by the nurse.

In unearthing the circumstances surrounding the murder, it is learned that Mrs. Pope had urged her husband to place heavier insurance on his life. He had accordingly been insured for $9,000 and but a few days ago transferred the payment of his policies from his estate to his wife.”

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Response To A Recent Spam Email From Meridith Mendia

March 16, 2010 in Humor, Misc. | Permalink

You obviously have two good hands. What do you need us for?

Dear Ms. Meridith Mendia,

Thank you for your recent spam email. You know, the one informing us that “the ancient secret of pleasing a woman 10 times a day has been discovered.” We were wondering if you also discovered the ancient secret of making a day last 13 months. That would be helpful because today we have to do some work and go to the Key Food and mail some bills. So there might not be enough hours in the day to please her 10 times. But if we should ever move to a city constructed entirely of water beds where women crave manual and oral stimulation around the clock, we will certainly be in touch.

Sincerely,

Afflictor

Excerpted: “Grace Paley, Voice From The Village” Washington Post (1985)

March 16, 2010 in Books, Excerpts | Permalink

Donald Barthelme: "Grace Paley is a wonderful writer and troublemaker. We are fortunate to have her in our country."

I love the Bronx-born short-story writer Grace Paley, especially her 1974 collection Enormous Changes at the Last Minute. The book contains only 17 stories, but there’s so much humor, pathos and wisdom packed into those pages. (Although I actually recommend you instead buy The Collected Stories, since you can get all 45 of her published short works for just pennies more.)

A political activist as well as a writer, Paley’s work in Enormous Changes was informed by the tumult of New York in the ’60s and early ’70s. She was the perfect writer for that time and place.

Here’s an excerpt from a 1985 David Remnick article about Paley (when she was 62) from the Washington Post:

“‘I’ve been here for almost forever,’ she says. Take ‘here’ to mean New York, and that is true. Paley’s background is richer than just the block. Her parents, Isaac Goodside and Manya Ridnyik, left Russian around 1905 and settled in New York, first on the Lower East Side and then in the Bronx. When they were young in Russia they had been Social Democrats opposed to the czar. Goodside had been exiled to Siberia and Ridnyik to Germany.

In New York, Goodside helped teach himself English by reading Dickens. He became a doctor. Paley’s mother took care of the house–Paley herself often escapes to sweeping and washing when her stories won’t come unstuck.

‘When I was little I used to love to listen to my parents’ stories, all the talk that went on,’ she says. ‘I loved to listen and soon I loved to talk and tell.'”

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