"Is anyone else freaked out about stem cells in face creams?"(Image by Tomas Castelazo.)

Stem cells in a face cream!?

Is anyone else freaked out about stem cells in face creams? What if there were a way to get the benefits of stem cells… without actually putting them on your face… that would do something about the wrinkles this polluted, stressful city gives us?

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"Your identity would remain absolutely confidential."

MEN who have cheated needed for Art Work (Chelsea)

Hello, I’m a New York City based visual artist and photographer exploring a new subject matter through my practice. I’m interested in working around several ideas of liberation, guilt and the reconfiguration and reconstruction of social institutions such a marriage and commitment to a significant other. I’m looking for MEN who would be interested in collaborating with ME who have cheated on their wives, girlfriends, partners, etc. Your identity would remain absolutely confidential for this project intends to be CONCEPTUAL and NOT representational. Let me know if you would like to help.

M.

"I have a theory that your staff is also just a bunch of extremely lost former customers." (Image by Calvin Teo.)

You’re just a fantastic maze of shit. (Red Hook)

Ikea, why do you do this to me? Why do you beckon me to come and waste three hours of my life inside of you, only to spend the last two just trying to get out. I have a theory that your staff is also just a bunch of extremely lost former customers. Also, stop trying to sell me cheap things with human names. I don’t need to come home only to have to comfort Billy the fucking bookshelf because it’s depressed about its generic exterior and lack of girlfriend. I am not a fucking furniture therapist.

That said I still feel attracted to your meatballs. Maybe we can work something out?

"Would you happen to have a spare boat sitting around?" (Image by Tomasz Sienicki.)

Help bring me independence (Anywhere)

My dream is to have a boat, something upon which I could sail – whether in the Hudson, or when I have time to go down to the semi-permanently sunny side of the earth.

Would you happen to have a spare boat sitting around? I love sailboats, and my dream has always been to own a sailboat, but I would take anything that floats.

If it needs some fixing, this is fine, I will fix it; if it needs love, I will love it; if it needs a family to take it out, I’ve a family – and they all say thank you.

"I will pay top of the market prices for your hair."

Your hair needed (NYC)

I am a professional wig and toupee designer and I need your help. I will pay top of the market prices for your hair. All lengths and colors are welcome, but hair over six inches in length will receive bonus pay. I will send you a prepaid hair collection kit that you will use to ship the hair to me after it is cut. No dyes please. Please call Scott to discuss.

"A screwball comedy featuring a transsexual, a gorilla, two drag queens, a Metro-sexual, and a Slovenian actress with penis envy."

Screenplay Option For Sale – $2000 (Midtown)

I am looking to sell an option to the following screenplay for $2,000. It is a briskly-paced 102 pages and can be produced very cheaply. This option would apply to all media, worldwide, in perpetuity. If interested, please send an email and I’ll send along the script, and if you like it we’ll work out our agreement from there. Only SERIOUS inquiries, please. Am looking for someone who reads and moves quickly so that other prospects are not kept waiting. Thank you and I look forward to being in touch.

REPLY ALL

A screwball comedy featuring a transsexual, a gorilla, two drag queens, a Metro-sexual, and a Slovenian actress with penis envy.

Many of us have, at some point or another, had the horrible experience of writing an intimate email, hitting the “reply all” button by accident, and ended up sharing our thoughts with half the world. Now three unfortunate individuals are about to learn what happens after hitting that dreaded button. A hotshot lawyer and ladies man accidentally reveals to the entire office that he likes getting manicures. A teenage girl ends up telling the entire faculty that she thinks her teacher is effeminate. And an event organizer reveals to everyone that she thinks her boss is a criminal…which may turn out to be true.

Reply All is a madcap comedy in the style of The Hangover, A Fish Called Wanda, and My Cousin Vinny.

Working Typewriter Wanted (ANY)

I am looking for a working typewriter and ribbon. Any help is appreciated. Thank you. Please call if you have one.

"WTF?"

thigh length socks with pink butterflies (L train)

L train to Manhattan, 8:30AM, brunette with headphones, brown back pack, hair in bun, black shirt, cuffed short shorts, bare legs, thigh length socks with pink butterflies. WTF?

"??"

Studs in neck (Graham Ave.)

Has anyone else seen the young French brunette who walks around Graham Ave. with the studs in the back of her neck??

"I can help you." (Image by Flacus.)

the “cleaner” wants your adult magazines

your adult mags,,i.e…porn collections,,
those embarrassing magazines,books,movies
various equipment ect,ect,,,NOTHING is too “risque” for me to
take away..this is a serious add!..i can help you
guy’s or ladies out..if you need it gone contact me

“the cleaner”

"If you closed your corset/girdle/bra company and have your stock in the garage or storage - contact us please."

“New old stock” underwear (any)

Seeking to buy out “factory finds” or “warehouse finds” from the old NYC corset, foundations, underwear, brassiere, or hosiery companies.

Also seeking to buy the backroom inventory from the really old closed lingerie shops. We are looking for the made-in-USA undergarments from the 70’s and older.

If you closed your corset/girdle/bra company and have your stock in the garage or storage – contact us please.

If you are emptying out an old warehouse and discovered that it’s loaded with old underwear (or stockings, no pantyhose) – contact us please.

A couple years ago we made contact with a person whose garage was loaded with this stuff that we wanted but we lost his contact information. We think the company was Strouse but we’re not sure.

Please help save these cool old clothes from the landfills and get it recycled into the hands of people like our us who appreciate the old products! Let’s make a win/win deal!

"I have 2 pony tails." (Image by Countercanter.)

HUMAN HAIR FOR SALE – $150 (Upper East Side)

I have 2 pony tails 1 is 13 inches of thick dark brown hair $150 – 200 and the other is about 11 inches of thick dark brown hair $ 100 – 150 i dont want to just throw this perfectly good hair away so contact me if you are intrested greatly appreciate it. please dont email me asking why dont you just donate it because i need the money. so if anyone knows where i can sell my hair ill donate the other pony tail i just really need the money right now thank you .

"I don't want to throw these out, but I'm not drinking this crap either."

Free Tropicana ‘light’ juice (Harlem / Morningside)

There was a sale. Tropicana Fruit Punch juice, 2 for $3.
But there was a catch, it said ‘light’ on the carton.
I thought it was odd, but I didn’t care, I was getting a deal.
I brought it home. I opened it. I tasted it.

It. Is. Disgusting.

It’s gross. It has a nasty after taste. I guess ‘light’ means light on deliciousness, because I can’t stomach this crap.
My little daughter can’t either. She spit it out. My husband gagged.
I bought 6 of these. And I can’t find the receipt.

I don’t want to throw these out, but I’m not drinking this crap either. So it’s yours. Five half gallon cartons of Tropicana ‘light’ Fruit Punch.

I live near 150th and riverside. Come and get it and it’s yours. I’m sorry if my ad isn’t very appealing, but i couldn’t lie to you.
Who knows, maybe you might like it!
First come, first serve.

"I am looking for break up emails." (Image by Matthew Bowden.)

Emails wanted (Upper West Side)

I am currently working on a project regarding technology and society. I am looking for break up emails. Sent or received. If you have one you are willing to send to help me with this project it would be greatly appreciated!!

Thanks so much!!!!!

Reporter looking to speak with someone who has sent nude photos online (Downtown)

I’m a reporter for a New York newspaper working on a story about adults who have emailed, tweeted or texted nude photos of themselves to a partner. If you fit this description, I would love to speak with you. I, of course, would not have to print your name in the newspaper.

If you are willing, please send along a telephone number to the address above. Thanks very much.