Ideas and technology and politics and journalism and history and humor and some other stuff.
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10 search-engine keyphrases bringing traffic to Afflictor this week:
“Will I cheat on him while in Germany? Honestly, yes.”
Okay so my boyfriend and I are both coke heads. He is 20 years older than me. Jewish. I have German heritage and am going to Germany with a girlfriend of mine. She is paying for everything. So he says if I go were finished. Then he talks about the Holocaust..like all Germans are happy about that. Anyways now he threatened her to me and it wasn’t pretty. He is kinda crazy but so am I! Will I cheat on him while in Germany? Honestly yes. I am definitely a free spirit. By the way my bf is married! He also shoots heroin and coke. I hate it when he does that because he turns into a paranoid mess! Great huh? What do you think of this? Oh he also has been pressuring me to have sex with him without a condom!! I’ll never do it believe me.
“I will constantly be asking for pictures.”
Hello,
One of my male rats have recently passed away, leaving my poor Shadow alone.
I refuse to let him live without the company of other rats, and I was thinking about getting a female rat this time.
If I get a lot of replies, I will do so (if I don’t, I will just get a male rat. It is not a big deal, just wanted to help out some people) and when they have babies everyone that has emailed me will get one (or however many as you want)
You name your price, they are NOT FOOD!!!!!!!!
Pick up only, depending on location. I am in Corona, Queens.
I will constantly be asking for pictures, and making sure they have a good home prior to giving them up.
Email me back.
Piers Morgan: Pre-op for a brain transplant.
The Top 5 foreign countries sending traffic to Afflictor in January:
I am a IVF patient in PA who bought six frozen donor eggs from a reputable agency. I no longer need them as I became pregnant on my own. I invested over $15,000 in them and would sell them for much less. They are safely stored at my doctor’s clinic in Newark, DE but I can ship them to your clinic at any time. I have all of the donor information (Caucasian, blue eyes, brown hair, health info etc.) and will provide copies of the signed contract for their purchase. I hope someone can use them for an IVF cycle. If you are interested, please feel free to contact me. Thank you and good luck with your IVF journey.
“Caucasian, blue eyes, brown hair.”
Just looking for a woman willing to kick me very hard in the balls. Nothing else. No nudity or anything needed.
10 search-engine keyphrases bringing traffic to Afflictor this week:
Afflictor: Thinking that as former allies abandon Governor Christie, he still enjoys the loyal support of one key political operative.
“Full of more shit than a diaper.”
You name it i write it!!!!!!!!
leave you flat like a tire expired and on fire/
you a liar and its my desire to make you retire/
i am a writer that require a higher level of hyper/
you a snake like a viper full of more shit than a diaper if you a rival i will sniper ya/
dont get gassed like a lighter i will knuckle up like a fighter/
ignite a flame that will light up your entire empire/
my lyrics tighter than a virgin and im nicer with inventing more shit than macgyver/
i gets deeper than deep sea divers and liver and the 3rd rail or open electrical wires
FOR MORE INFO–CONTACT.
“I’m nicer, inventing more shit than Macgyver.”
“Let me know.”
“I need a wheelchair for a number I am doing.”
I have a performance coming up soon and I need a wheelchair for a number I am doing.
Ideally, I would love to just BORROW a cheap (non-motorized) wheelchair if someone can lend me one.
I can even possibly kick a few bucks your way as a thank you.
Borrowing your wheelchair will help me bring joy to many in a really unique performance that will be seen by hundreds.
(No, it’s not a performance I’m being paid for, which is why I don’t have a budget to buy a wheelchair.)
Thanks for any help!
10 search-engine keyphrases bringing traffic to Afflictor this week:
Afflictor: Wishing Richard Sherman would stop with the antisocial behavior, so we can all get back to enjoying some good, clean fun.
“You wouldn’t know brilliant if you sucked it’s dick!”
If I have ever worked for you, I would like to extend a huge, cold, “fuck you” to you! I can’t wait to laugh at you as you all get aneurysms from your fucked up daily grind and desperate squirming for money. See, it turns out that I am an inventor and innovator. I couldn’t do your bullshit because you’re so fucking boring and devoid of ANY creativity. All I could do is fucking fall asleep from your repetitive bullshit! I made over $7,300,000 in November and see it doubling in the first half of December from just one $80.00 invention that cost me $600 to research and develop…and you probably own one. So all you fucking “be here at 7:30 AM” cock-sucking bosses can all die of heart attacks, for all I give a shit. You can all suck my nuts. You are all slimy, greedy, abusive, immoral, evil to the bone cocksuckers. You fuck all your customers and all your workers, you shit-buckets! I stole fuckloads of time from you assholes – not to mention I’d rummage through your private shit every once in a while. That’s how I know that one of you left your wife because your sperm could only generate girls. You left your wife because she gave you the daughter who you now cherish, you worthless half-an-asshole. Then you went and had six more girls with four other women. You wouldn’t know brilliant if you sucked it’s dick!
Now, all you hard working bosses can enjoy still having to wake up at 4:30 every morning to RUSH to work to make sure nobody is late. I sleep until noon, wake up, turn on the tube, smoke a fat fucking blunt with my Corn Pops, jam on the piano or drums (or guitar or harmonica for that matter), dip in the pool, play with the dogs and take my fucking time through life with a joint constantly dangling from my lips. No more appointments, paychecks, time-clocks, your stupid fucking faces, your complaints about how I’m not doing shit your way (when if you had done shit my way, you would have made more money, stupid).
So, while you assholes are sweating which of your employees pisses too long while you sit in your car on the Gowanus Parking Lot every morning, think of what I’m doing during your torment…I’m sleeping in a nice, warm, soft, quiet bed, right next to a warm woman waiting for my natural wake-up chemicals to wake me. Then I take my time and play with the wife in bed and then go about my day…of getting blazed and chillin’ by the fireplace while you develop blood clots, cancers and other competitors in the race to kill you. My money’s on hypertension. All of you ungodly sewer scum need to invent something and work smart. You are all neanderthals. Go fuck yourselves!
P.S. I fucked one of your wives…twice.
Physician will barter medical expertise during times of healthcare crisis. What services do u offer in return?
“Wheel (adjustable for different thrust lengths).”
Not sure really where to post this, but its a real post, so please don’t junk me.
These are some of the key parts for a sex machine:
Asking $50.
“Where are you getting this shit?”
I wish I never fucking met you. When I went to buy from you the first time, I couldn’t believe how cheap your prices were and how you were willing to meet anywhere, anytime. This is surely a bust, I thought. At least another rip-off maybe. But, no. You’re always up, willing to meet and in supply with low prices. Where are you getting this shit? Don’t you have a life? You’re ruining mine.
10 search-engine keyphrases bringing traffic to Afflictor this week:
Afflictor: Thinking it’s suspicious that so many celebrities in their 80s are dying, as if someone with a vested interest wanted to eliminate them before they reached 90.
“There was literally SHIT everywhere.”
Are you okay? Are you alive? Are you in a diabetic coma somewhere?? I was worried because when I returned home on Tuesday, my apartment looked like someone possibly left in a hurry, and the only explanation I could think of was maybe there was an emergency! An emergency so great you left the windows open on a day that never reached over 9 degrees with wind gusts below -12 degrees, all lights on, and your shit scattered everywhere.
It’s been long enough now that I assume you will never return to claim your property, offer an explanation as to why you destroyed my home, or provide me compensation for the four hours it took to clean my home of your filth and for the amount it cost me to change my locks and get replacement keys from my landlord because of your inability to follow simple instructions such as leaving keys inside the apartment so I would not be charged $150 to replace them. The changed locks was my choice because you appear so unstable I fear you might return in two months looking for the live (well, now dead) Betta fish you left behind. By the way, it was really sweet of you to leave food for me to feed him with but I’m going to go ahead and guess that the abominably cold weather had a part in freezing the poor guy to death after you abandoned him in the apartment with my cat.
Let me reiterate our agreement: In exchange for you caring for my cat for three weeks while I visited my family in California, I offered you my lovely one-bedroom apartment on the Upper East Side for FREE to stay in and relax after finals and finally receiving your hard earned MA from Columbia. How kind of me-you’re welcome. If someone had offered me a free place to stay and the only caveat would be playing with a sweet little kitty named Eloise, you would be damn sure I would treat their home like a fucking palace. You on the other hand treated my apartment like a motel 6.
“Yesterday I found a fungus covered toenail clipping.”
Here’s a list of the damage you caused in case maybe you went blind as a consequence of untreated diabetes from all the shit you ate while obviously not moving from my bed (your hypodermic needle wrappers and insulin bottles scattered around the apartment gave that one away). Maybe diabetes induced blindness was a cause for all of this? Maybe! Here it goes: Let’s start with the shit. There was literally SHIT everywhere: shit on the carpet from the cat whose litter box was so full from your failure to clean it, she resorted to shitting elsewhere; shit all over the toilet from what I assume was a shit explosion after you binged on coca-cola and fast food for three weeks straight. It took me thirty fucking minutes, THIRTY MINUTES, to scrub the toilet to remove the shit stains. I didn’t even know it was possible to clean a toilet that long.
Moving on to the kitchen: did you know trash goes in the trash bin? Do you know what a trash bin is? It’s the silver box thing in the kitchen with a convenient foot lever that you step on so the top opens and you can easily deposit your garbage into it, hopefully with a bag in there so your crap doesn’t soil the entire bin. I take it you know what bags are, because those were scattered all over the damn kitchen (and the rest of the house) with rotting food from your many food deliveries leaked all over them. Somehow none of those bags made it into the trash bag in the trash bin, along with a bag full of trash just sitting open on the floor (and only two inches from the actual trash!) where my cat and all sorts of other critters seeking rotting food might poke around. In the actual trash bin was a trash bag, but rather then open the trash bag to deposit trash, you just threw it ON TOP of the bag. Maybe there’s something to this approach, but I haven’t figured it out yet. Oh, let’s not forget the counter and sink! The counter, I don’t even want to know what you spilled all over it, because it took me twenty minutes to scrub off. The sink was another interesting find. At this point, I wasn’t surprised it was piled full of dishes. What did surprise me was despite every single dish I own crammed into the sink filthy and unwashed, an entire bottle of dish soap somehow disappeared. I put out a fresh Mrs. Meyers rhubarb scented dish soap bottle for you to use while I was away, imagining the joy you might get out of the aromatic scent while washing your plates in my lovely little apartment while it snowed outside, but no, it was emptied when I returned, and alas no dishes had been washed during the snowstorm. Maybe in your diabetic induced blindness you became confused and drank it or washed your hair with it. God only knows.
“WASH YOUR HANDS! It prevents disease.”
And now my favorite part, the bedroom: As I walked in I was almost relieved when I saw you stripped the bed. Maybe she washed my sheets, I thought. No, no you didn’t. Of course you didn’t. They were at the foot of my bed, covered in food stains like I have never seen. I lived in the Tenderloin in San Francisco for the past couple of years before moving to NYC and I have seen cleaner sheets on beds left outside because of a bed bug infestation that homeless people have slept on for two weeks while waiting for garbage men to dispose of them. Did you literally not leave my bed while I was away? Were you bed-stricken from disease? Was using my $200 duvet as a napkin necessary? If you used my dish soap as shampoo or body wash, how in the hell did you leave behind a visible yellow body-sized stain on the mattress cover that could only be explained by never washing oneself? Maybe you died in my bed…I almost hoped for this as this too might explain the mess. Well, I threw out the sheets. I couldn’t remove the hot cheetos colored stains on the duvet despite using more SHOUT than is environmentally safe. I actually had to BLEACH the walls where you spilled coke, indian food, and cupcakes off the side of the bed. I think you confused the space under my bed as a trash bin. It was like digging for treasure in the 12 inch space under my bed! After removing 4-5 to-go food containers, candy bar wrappers, coke bottles, more needle wrappers, and a cupcake wrapper so glued to the floor I had to leave some frosting behind after sweeping and mopping (twice!), I still continue to find shit you left behind in my room! Yesterday I found a fungus covered toenail clipping, a used bandaid and a oil stained paper bag under my radiator. On Sunday, I found a place on the wall I missed where you wiped your hands of more hot cheetos stains. WASH YOUR HANDS! It prevents disease. And me having to clean up after your for weeks after you’ve vanished.
And last but not least, let’s not forget that you left behind a live fish. That was really the icing on the cake. What kind of monster leaves behind a pet? How did you manage to keep it alive at all? The fact that you’re still walking the earth upright is a miracle in itself. I Googled your name hoping to find any sign of you, dead or alive, and I came across your LinkedIn profile.
My favorite part was this:
“Causes I care about:
What. Animal Welfare? I can’t. I ain’t got time for these lies!
You have zero empathy for animals so cross that right off the list. Children? Here’s hoping nothing ever pops out of your vagina that has the ability to cry. Civil rights and social action? The most you’ve ever engaged in fighting for civil rights is expressing your freedom to chose to sit in bed all day and eat. Education? You must be one of those people who paid your way in, never went to class, and paid people to write papers and take tests for you in order to pass Health? Obviously not high on your list of priorities…
The fact is you don’t care about anything but yourself. You took advantage of me and violated my home and the things I care about. You should be ashamed of yourself. You are disgusting. You are despicable. You are a monster. You knew there would be no consequences if you came into my home and trashed it. I knew going into this that could very well be a possibility. And frankly, you give off a shady vibe. You and your creepy little friend you brought by when I introduced you to my cat and my home. But I trusted you anyways because why would anyone want to harm someone else’s home and pet? So maybe I am mostly to blame but it was YOU and your belligerent and uncaring existence that did the damage. So fuck you. Karma is coming your way. Someday someone is going to literally diarrhea all over the things you love. Good luck.
“You are a monster.”
“I’m in search of small animals that have died.”
Hi there, I am learning the art of taxidermy and right now working on skeletal articulation, wet preservation, and traditional mounting. I’m in search of small animals that have died due to natural or accidental causes. I am not looking for, nor believe in, animals being killed for artistic purposes. Also, no illegal species please! I am looking for donated/purchasable/trades for whole bodied specimens from breeders/pet stores that they may not have a need for.
Afflictor: Thinking anything goes on Governor Christie’s lawless highway to hell.
“This could be great fun for kids.”
I am looking for LIVE “Brown Marmorated Stink Bugs.” These insects can be nuisances this time of year as they move to homes, barns and other structures to find a place to overwinter. I need them, and you need them gone. Will pay $10 per hundred if you collect. Otherwise, will pay a token finders fee for access to a collectible population. Am looking for as many as three thousand. This could be great fun for kids. Thanks for your reply!
She’s pretty. There’s no denying that, she’s a good looking young woman. Shes a REALLY good looking young woman. But in my life she’s the only REALLY good looking woman I’ve ever seen that isn’t sexy. It’s strange.