Misc.

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“Guaranteed human pee.”

Piss rug. High quality. – $99 (new jersey)

Do you like rugs stained with piss?

Perhaps you would like to add your own splotch of ammoniated urine to this high quality wool rug?

If so, I have the rug for you!

For just $99.99 this piss soaked rug could be yours.

Guaranteed human pee.

Cash and carry.

Looking for House Cleaner – $100 (Midtown)

Looking for a house cleaner. Open-minded to clean light every few weeks.
R rated house cleaner would be preferred. Must be sexy, can also clean in high-heels, but is optional.

Serious offers only.

It would help if you sent a picture also.

Chewbacca fetish (Midtown)

Do you think you have the best impression of Chewbacca? If so call me and roar the best you can and then state your name. I have a huge Chewbacca fetish and hearing the voice gets me super turned on…who knows we may meet up.

  • Woman Who Bared Breasts At Vatican Released After Arrest
  • Teacher In Threesome Case Wants Out Of House Arrest To Jazzercise
  • When Men Try To Draw Vaginas
  • Man Wakes Up From Coma Thinking He’s Matthew McConaughey
  • Man’s Zombie Nativity Scene Did Not Go Over Well
  • Elf Faces Drunk Driving Charges
  • This Monkey Is A Hero
  • ‘Don’t Jerk And Drive’ Campaign Pulled
  • WATCH: What Happens When Best Friends See Each Other Naked For The First Time
  • City Puts Subway Rats On Birth Control

 

10 search-engine keyphrases bringing traffic to Afflictor this week:

  1. how benjamin harrison shockingly discovered dead father
  2. bobby fischer mental illness
  3. moneyball and daniel kahneman
  4. old-fashioned baby show
  5. mark frechette and daria halprin zabriskie point
  6. werner herzog fred astaire stupid face
  7. oriana fallaci interview walter cronkite
  8. cavett interviews godard
  9. ideas adman david ogilvy introduced
  10. microcomputers in 1970s britain

“Don’t contact me with any fuck shit or snitch shit.” 

Medication

Do you have prescription medication that is of no value to you right now? People of my city are paying WAY too much to ease their pain. Help me lower the cost of relief or entertainment for my people and put some cash in your pocket. Serious inquiries only. Don’t contact me with any fuck shit or snitch shit.

“Yes, you know what I’m talking about.”

I Need to make Holiday cash and then Some – $25000 (bklyn, manhatten)

If you have a way for me to either earn cash or make cash weather it be something you can not do your self and need help with or need a stranger to do, or any other way for there are tons of people out there with good tips who know where the golden goose hides their eggs weather it be in cash or product.

if your in need of cash for the holidays as i am email me back and lets talk. if it’s doable your cut in as full partner.

yes, you know what i’m talking about.

Get back to me. i’m discreet, a man of my word, and please no james bond type shit. lets be realisitic. the right info can be a nice pay day for you and me alike.

christmas will be here in 2 weeks. please get back to me if you have a way for me to make cash–the more the better.

happy holidays.

"Happy holidays."

Free Parakeet!!!!!!!!

She’s probably about a year old. Not even sure if its a girl but I read that the females like to make that dreadful parakeet sound, and she does it all day. She was a “gift” from an ex. She hates human contact. Will cry bloody murder if you try to touch her. She likes to try to bite her way to your soul through your cuticles. Somehow manages to fling poop outside the cage as most birds do, and will try her best to destroy all toys placed in cage. Really doesn’t seem to mind being by herself since she hates humans. Anyway, she’s yours if you want. Comes with decent sized black cage, standard 2 wooden perches, little wooden swing thingy, food and water dishes, and some food.

Please just take the little shit.

  • Man Spends $150,000 To Look Like Kim Kardashian
  • This Dog Is Afraid Of Farts (VIDEO)
  • Eccentric Multimillionaire Urinated On Candy At CVS
  • Why You Can’t Have Sex In Public
  • Where Tampons REALLY Came From
  • Map Shows Where America Loves ‘Butts’ More Than ‘Boobs’
  • Tom Ford’s Gold Penis Necklace Has Some Outraged
  • Yes, There Was A Jew At Hogwarts
  • My Breasts Grew Back After A Reduction
  • Someone Accidentally Donates Human Remains To Goodwill

 

10 recent search-engine keyphrases bringing traffic to Afflictor this week:

  1. what happened to boxing promoter don king?
  2. margalit fox obituary of otto and george
  3. questions thomas edison asked job applicants
  4. frank melbourne old time rainmaker
  5. sy berger dumped baseball cards into ocean
  6. arrest alert system cyrus vance jr.
  7. the real dog day afternoon bank robber
  8. rudi gernreich monokini
  9. aj liebling boxing pavilion
  10. what does jimmy fallon do for fun?
If the Supreme Leader and Great Person Born of Heaven could grant one wish to an unworthy peasant like myself when banning American films.

This week, I beg the Supreme Leader and Great Person Born of Heaven to grant one wish to an unworthy peasant like me when he weighs which film to ban next.

 

  • Sy Berger, just deceased, invented the modern baseball card.
  • David Carr considers loathsome citizen journalist Chuck Johnson.
  • The Hyperloop may be a reality in 10 years–or perhaps much later than that.
  • Santiago Calatrava is the world’s most derided architect. Why?
  • Automation might be a good thing or it might createsurplus humans.”

 

“Just seeking an executive producer to help finance film.”

Tight powerful foreign haitian screenplay seeks investor producer

A pampered tight script is written for a wide audience. Haitian creole based in Haiti an NY about a farmer who saved a Haitian leader leader from kidnap attempt and having blessed to travel to the US and going through various different opticals in life phenomenon great story to be seen, need your help we have a film crew and actors on board, just seeking an executive producer to help finance film…you will be credited and respected.

Distribution awaits film.

Pregnancy urine

I need a pregnant ladies urine. Willing to pay a reasonable amount. MUST BE PREGNANCY URINE. YOU WILL NEED TO PEE IN THE CUP IN FRONT OF ME. Thank You.

  • Sex Predator Wins Florida Lottery
  • Why It Took Me Until My 50s To Feel OK About Masturbation
  • Young Mom Eats Toilet Paper Every Day
  • Whoopi Goldberg Lets One Rip On ‘The View,’ Proves You Shouldn’t Mess With Breakfast Burritos
  • 6 Wild Things People Used To Believe About Vaginas
  • Now It’s Safe To Cook Bacon While You’re Naked
  • Snake Thrown At Tim Hortons Employee For Reason
  • ‘Comfyballs’ Underwear Denied Trademark Because ‘Balls’
  • Why Are We So Scared Of Nipples?
  • Princess Sentenced For Cockfighting

 

10 search-engine keyphrases bringing traffic to Afflictor this week:

  1. august engelhardt paradise in new guinea
  2. la soufriere werner herzog
  3. interview with the real masters and johnson
  4. seventy five. that’s how long i want to live.
  5. rick rosner nude model and genius
  6. papa doc duvalier documentary
  7. the pseudoscience of immanuel velikovsky
  8. manson family commune
  9. bret easton ellis reddit ask me anything
  10. keir dullea discussing 2001: a space odyssey
This week, George Bush tried to answer a CIA torture report which affirmed that America engaged not only in waterboarding and renditions but also forced rectal feeding.

This week, George W. Bush responded to the CIA torture report which affirmed that America engaged not only in waterboarding and renditions but also in forced rectal feeding.

It wasn't so bad. Every Super Bowl Sunday, we gave them a pizza in the butt.

It wasn’t so bad. Every Super Bowl Sunday, we stuffed a pizza in the butt.

Wait...you want this where?

Wait…you want them where?


  • Body cameras may yet have a role in reducing police brutality.
  • Tom Carson writes gorgeously about that West Coast Welles, P.T. Anderson.
  • Taxi Commissions are starting to Uber-ize.
  • Andrew McAfee doesn’t believe species-threatening AI is upon us.
  • Suburbs may become popular again in the coming decades.
  • A brief note from 1933 about a salesman.

Secret Addiction — Beer & Benzos

Every night drink several beers or shots and during the day chew benzo type medications- clonozepam & alphazolam (generics of Klonopin & Xanax)… I lose count how much I am taking or drinking.. also on several anti depressants — Lexapro, Wellbrutin & gabapentin… my credit card debt is frighteningly high, maybe went into manic state and spent like that but no longer have $6,000 a month to spend on just necessities.. I am in my late 30’s and nothing to show for it… No one really knows about this twin tolerance or addiction I have either.

 

Here are 25 pieces of journalism from this year, alphabetized by author name, which made me consider something new or reconsider old beliefs or just delighted me.

  • Exodus” (Ross Andersen, Aeon) A brilliant longform piece that lifts off with Elon Musk’s mission to Mars and veers in deep and mysterious directions.
  • Barack Obama, Ferguson, and the Evidence of Things Unsaid” (Ta-Nehisi Coates, The Atlantic) Nobody speaks truth to race in America quite like Coates, and the outrage of Ferguson was the impetus for this spot-on piece about the deeply institutionalized prejudice of government, national and local, in the U.S.
  • The Golden Age of Journalism?” (Tom Engelhardt, TomDispatch) The landscape has never been more brutal for news nor more promising. The author luxuriates in the richness destabilization has wrought.
  • Amazon Must Be Stopped” (Franklin Foer, The New Republic) Before things went completely haywire at the company, Foer returned some sanity to the publication in the post-Peretz period. This lucid article argues that Amazon isn’t becoming a monopoly but already qualifies as one.
  • America in Decay” (Francis Fukuyama, Foreign Affairs) Strong argument that the U.S. public sector is so dysfunctional because of a betrayal of meritocracy in favor of special interests and lobbyists. The writer’s idea of what constitutes a merit-based system seems flawed, but he offers many powerful ideas.
  • What’s the Matter With Russia?” (Keith Gessen, Foreign Affairs) An insightful meditation about Putin’s people, who opt to to live in a fairy tale despite knowing such a thing can never have a happy ending.
  • The Dying Russians(Masha Gessen, New York Review of Books) Analysis of Russia’s high mortality rate suggests that the root cause is not alcohol, guns or politics, but simply hopelessness.  
  • Soak the Rich” (David Graeber, Thomas Piketty) Great in-depth exchange between two thinkers who believe capitalism has run amok, but only one of whom thinks it’s run its course.
  • The First Smile(Michael Graziano, Aeon) The Princeton psychology and neuroscience professor attempts to explain why facial expressions appear to be natural and universal.
  • The Creepy New Wave of the Internet” (Sue Halpern, New York Review of Books) The author meditates on the Internet of Things, which may make the world much better and much worse, quantifying us like never before.
  • Super-Intelligent Humans Are Coming” (Stephen Hsu, Nautilus) A brisk walk through the process of genetic modification, which would lead to heretofore unknown brain power.
  • All Dressed Up For Mars and Nowhere to Go” (Elmo Keep, Matter) A sprawling look at the seeming futility of the MarsOne project ultimately gets at a more profound pointlessness–pursuing escape in a dying universe.
  • The Myth of AI” (Jaron Lanier, Edge) Among other things, this entry draws a neat comparison between the religionist’s End of Days and the technologist’s Singularity, the Four Horseman supposedly arriving in driverless cars.
  • The Disruption Machine” (Jill Lepore, The New Yorker) The “D” word, its chief promulgator, Clayton M. Christensen, and its circuitous narratives, receive some disruption of their own.
  • The Longevity Gap(Linda Marsa, Aeon) A severely dystopian thought experiment: Will the parallels of widening income disparity and innovations in medicine lead to two very different lifespans for the haves and have-nots?
  • The Genetics Epidemic” (Jamie F. Metzl, Foreign Affairs) Genetic modification studied from an uncommon angle, that of national-security concerns.
  • My Captivity(Theo Padnos, The New York Times Magazine) A harrowing autobiographical account of an American journalist’s hostage ordeal in the belly of the beast in Syria.
  • We Are a Camera” (Nick Paumgarten, The New Yorker) In a time of cheap, ubiquitous cameras, the image, merely an imitation, is ascendant, and any event unrecorded seemingly has less currency. The writer examines the strangeness of life in the GoPro flow.
  • A Goddamn Death Dedication” (Alex Pappademas, Grantland) A knowing postmortem about Casey Kasem, America’s deejay when the world was hi-fi but before it became sci-fi.
  • In Conversation: Chris Rock” (Frank Rich, New York) The exchange about “black progress” is an example of what comedy does at its best: It points out an obvious truth that so many have missed.
  • The Mammoth Cometh” (Nathaniel Rich, The New York Times Magazine) A piece which points out that de-extinct animals won’t be exactly like their forebears, nor will augmented humans of the future be just like us. It’s progress, probably.
  • Hello, My Name Is Stephen Glass, and I’m Sorry(Hanna Rosin, The New Republic) Before the implosion of the publication, the writer wondered what it would mean to forgive her former coworker, an inveterate fabulist and liar, and what it would mean if she could not forgive.
  • Gilbert Gottfried: New York Punk” (Jay Ruttenberg, The Lowbrow Reader) Written by the only person on the list whom I know personally, but no cronyism is necessary for the inclusion of this excellent analysis of the polarizing comic, who’s likely more comfortable when at his most alienating.

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Santa: poll taxes, McMansions, corporate welfare.

 

You probably had a hectic Black Friday and so did Santa Claus. He was busy overseeing his new automated workshop in the North Pole. The elves can go fuck themselves. Robots work for free and they’re not a bunch of sassy little bitches. Good luck in the world of fetish porn, you tiny ingrates.

But don’t think Santa is giving your asshole children those toys for free. You’ll pay retail. You see, Santa has been working with Goldman Sachs to prepare Christmas Inc. for an IPO. He wants Bezos money. In fact, the big guy has gone right-wing like David Mamet and his interests now include making wealth inequality worse and spending like a Koch brother to prevent Obama from winning a third term. (Yeah, I know, but don’t tell him.)

Santa’s actually feeling pretty good these days. Thanks to those occasionally useful Tea Party dipshits, conservatives now run the House and Senate and are only a Mitt Romney Presidency from making America a corporatocracy. Santa is very happy that Romney is considering running again in 2016, though he thinks ol’ Mitt should probably keep his creepy-eyed kid in the attic until all the votes have been counted.

You don’t like Santa’s vision? Well, he thinks you should go scratch your ass with a broken eggnog bottle. Santa’s a pimp and you’re a ho ho ho!

When Father becomes emperor, all the squirrels shall be my minions.

When Father becomes Emperor, all the squirrels shall be my minions.

  • My Children Don’t Know I’m A Lesbian
  • This Artist Paints With Pubic Hair, The Scent Of Vagina (NSFW)
  • Florida Man Caught Slipping Cow Tongue Into Pants: Cops
  • Teacher Told Student To Unclog Toilet With Bare Hands
  • 6 Overrated Sex Acts And Positions (NSFW)
  • Famous 2-Faced Cat Dies At 15
  • Woman Defies Court Order Prohibiting Loud Sex
  • The Following Sex Acts Are Now Banned From British Porn
  • Nebraska Player Kills Raccoon After ‘Selfie Gone Completely Wrong’
  • Chocolate-Scented Farts

Obama Address The National Prayer Breakfast

 

 

 

10 search-engine keyphrases bringing traffic to Afflictor this week:

  1. joan didion writing about woody allen
  2. james lipton interview
  3. jason whitlock is a hack
  4. what does a professional namer at a branding agency earn?
  5. allen ginsberg talking about technology
  6. elvis costello commercial for vinyl record
  7. e.o. wilson half earth
  8. what were charles dickens habits?
  9. how many commercials are there during the baseball playoffs?
  10. predictions about the internet from 1982

 

This week, there was proof positive that New York City's marijuana laws have truly been relaxed.

This week, there was proof positive that New York marijuana laws have truly been relaxed.

 

  • Chris Rock says the smartest thing possible about “black progress.”
  • We might need to fear the rise of the machines–or perhaps not.
  • Many who love Uber are still uncomfortable with the company. Why?
  • Cryptocurrency is not a long-term but not immediate threat to big banks.
  • Technology may be both boon and bane for law firms.
  • Alcor, pioneering cryogenics firm, is experiencing market resistance.
  • Solar cars may be coming to the market in 2015.

Is the world ending?

We’re working on an art project & need your help. The project uses a toll free hotline as a means of communicating with one another around a specific topic.

The topic “How It Ends” is meant to be a conversation about the end of the world. We are collecting as many thoughts, visions, claims, etc., that come up for people around the idea of humanity or Earth’s end. This is completely open to interpretation. Once there are enough collected recordings, we will post any that are of note on to the phone system itself for all to listen to while still collecting recorded contributions from new callers. If there are enough responses, we’ll collect them all & make a podcast for all to listen to.

It will only take a minute of your time. It’s quite simple, just call toll free show contact info & share how you think the world will end, if at all.

Wanna hve baby – m4w – 30

Married man my wife cannot hve babies and i love her but also love to hve children can any one do me this favor m not a rich man so…if u want to hve a child like me just email me wit ur info thnk u.

boehner-brine_c0-30-640-403_s561x327

  • John Boehner Shares His Secret Turkey Recipe
  • ‘My Drunken Daughter Will Die If She Doesn’t Stop Drinking Hand Sanitizer’
  • Men Try Sex Toys For The First Time, Hilarity Ensues
  • Why Does This Entire City Smell Like Cat Pee?
  • WHERE’S THE BEEF? Woman Suspected Of Epic Sausage Heist
  • This Cat Learned To Flush the Toilet – Can You?
  • Student Fell Through Bathroom Ceiling Naked, Bit Man’s Ear Off: Cops
  • Woman Eats 2 Large Sponges A Week
  • Man Invents Pill That Makes Farts Smell Like Chocolate
  • Your Cat May Be Trying To Kill You

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