Wanted: Penguin

Im looking for a pet penguin thats “chill” (see what I did there) with living in Manhattan as well as with 2 room mates, one of which is dutch. We have a couple of really powerful Air Conditioners and we are getting some quotes from landscapers about putting in a penguin habitat on our roof. We also have a dojo where we hold amateur yoga classes that will help him center his mind body and soul. As far as food goes, we plan on teaching the penguin to hunt for his own meals in the east river. We are extremely confident that we can make this part of the plan work due to my past experience as a swimmer, lifeguard and fisherman. We are willing to listen to trades for this penguin, and we have some really cool stuff.

Serious offers only, I dont mess around when it comes to penguins.