2010

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Afflictor Nation: Russia Keeps Coming Back For More Of Our Idiocy

March 17, 2010 in Misc. | Permalink

Despite being "blind," Josh Groban is a great singer and fine hockey player. He's also of part-Russian descent. (Image by Captain-tucker.)

Some things are tough to explain. Like that three-year period where I thought Josh Groban was blind. It turns out that he just squints a lot when he sings, but I somehow didn’t realize that.

Another thing I can’t explain is why our site is so popular in the Russian Federation. In the nearly four months of Afflictor’s existence, Russia is surprisingly the foreign country that has visited us most often.

I know there currently isn’t a lot to read in Russia because many journalists have been poisoned during the Putin years, but there’s still no excuse for Russians to be paying our site so much attention. You comrades should use your free time to meet some new friends.

But if you insist on coming back and reading more of our crap, Afflictor Nation will be here for you, Mother Russia!

Meet other Afflictor Nations.

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Old Print Article: “Dr. Pope Murdered–Brusseau, His Wife’s Nurse, Charged With The Crime,” Brooklyn Daily Eagle (1895)

March 16, 2010 in Misc., Old Print Articles, Urban Studies | Permalink

An illustration from the 1840s that show the effects of chloroform. Kids, don't try this at home.

Love, lust, adultery, chloroform, gunplay, a hatchet and insurance money were a lethal combination (of course!) for a dentist in Detroit, Michigan, in 1895. An excerpt from a story in that year’s February 3 edition of the Brooklyn Daily Eagle:

“Dr. Horace E. Pope, a dentist, with an office on Michigan avenue, where he resided, was killed this morning by William Brusseau, Mrs. Pope’s nurse. Brusseau says he found the dentist sitting on the side of his wife’s bed, holding a cloth saturated with chloroform over her mouth. The nurse says that when he entered the room Dr. Pope fired at him. Brusseau says he seized a hatchet and struck the dentist in the head. It is said that the deceased and his wife frequently quarreled over the attention paid the latter by the nurse.

In unearthing the circumstances surrounding the murder, it is learned that Mrs. Pope had urged her husband to place heavier insurance on his life. He had accordingly been insured for $9,000 and but a few days ago transferred the payment of his policies from his estate to his wife.”

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Response To A Recent Spam Email From Meridith Mendia

March 16, 2010 in Humor, Misc. | Permalink

You obviously have two good hands. What do you need us for?

Dear Ms. Meridith Mendia,

Thank you for your recent spam email. You know, the one informing us that “the ancient secret of pleasing a woman 10 times a day has been discovered.” We were wondering if you also discovered the ancient secret of making a day last 13 months. That would be helpful because today we have to do some work and go to the Key Food and mail some bills. So there might not be enough hours in the day to please her 10 times. But if we should ever move to a city constructed entirely of water beds where women crave manual and oral stimulation around the clock, we will certainly be in touch.

Sincerely,

Afflictor

Excerpted: “Grace Paley, Voice From The Village” Washington Post (1985)

March 16, 2010 in Books, Excerpts | Permalink

Donald Barthelme: "Grace Paley is a wonderful writer and troublemaker. We are fortunate to have her in our country."

I love the Bronx-born short-story writer Grace Paley, especially her 1974 collection Enormous Changes at the Last Minute. The book contains only 17 stories, but there’s so much humor, pathos and wisdom packed into those pages. (Although I actually recommend you instead buy The Collected Stories, since you can get all 45 of her published short works for just pennies more.)

A political activist as well as a writer, Paley’s work in Enormous Changes was informed by the tumult of New York in the ’60s and early ’70s. She was the perfect writer for that time and place.

Here’s an excerpt from a 1985 David Remnick article about Paley (when she was 62) from the Washington Post:

“‘I’ve been here for almost forever,’ she says. Take ‘here’ to mean New York, and that is true. Paley’s background is richer than just the block. Her parents, Isaac Goodside and Manya Ridnyik, left Russian around 1905 and settled in New York, first on the Lower East Side and then in the Bronx. When they were young in Russia they had been Social Democrats opposed to the czar. Goodside had been exiled to Siberia and Ridnyik to Germany.

In New York, Goodside helped teach himself English by reading Dickens. He became a doctor. Paley’s mother took care of the house–Paley herself often escapes to sweeping and washing when her stories won’t come unstuck.

‘When I was little I used to love to listen to my parents’ stories, all the talk that went on,’ she says. ‘I loved to listen and soon I loved to talk and tell.'”

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Old Print Ad: “The Chevalier” Slimming Belt For Men (1952)

March 15, 2010 in Misc. | Permalink

Should not be worn by pregnant men.

I don’t have a protruding belly or I’d waddle into my time machine and head back to 1952 to purchase one of these guy girdles known as the Chevalier Health Supporter Belt. Aimed at “men in their 30s, 40s, 50s who want to look slimmer and feel younger,” this belt helped dudes suck in their guts so they wouldn’t have to eat right or exercise.

For just $3.98 plus postage and handling, you could try this truly embarrassing undergarment for 10 days. If you weren’t completely satisfied with your boy bodice at that point–or you developed some dignity–then your money would be returned in full. An excerpt from the captivating copy:

“Does a bulging ‘bay window’ make you look and feel years older than you really are? Then here, at last, is the answer to your problem! “Chevalier,” the wonderful new health supporter belt is scientifically constructed to help you look and feel years younger.

Why go on day after day with an old man’s mid-section bulge…or with a tired back that needs posture support? Just see how ‘Chevalier’ brings you vital control where you need it most! ‘Chevalier’ has a built-in strap. You adjust the belt the way you want. Presto! Your ‘bay window’ bulge is lifted in…flattened out–yet you feel wonderfully comfortable!”

See other Old Print Ads.

Science/Tech: David Gelernter On The Future Of Universities And Other Rogue States

March 15, 2010 in Politics, Science/Tech | Permalink

We're all connected. (Image by Blake Burris.)

I don’t know yet how much of David Gelernter‘s essay on Edge, Time to Start Taking the Internet Seriously, I agree with, but it’s a must-read for anyone who wants to debate the present and future of our lives in the Internet Age. An excerpt:

“The Internet will never create a new economy based on voluntary instead of paid work–but it can help create the best economy in history, where new markets (a free market in education, for example) change the world. Good news!–the Net will destroy the university as we know it (except for a few unusually prestigious or beautiful campuses). The net will never become a mind, but can help us change our ways of thinking and change, for the better, the spirit of the age.

This moment is also dangerous: virtual universities are good but virtual nations, for example, are not. Virtual nations–whose members can live anywhere, united by the Internet–threaten to shatter mankind like glass into razor-sharp fragments that draw blood. We know what virtual nations can be like: Al Qaeda is one of the first.”

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Recently Posted On New York City’s Craigslist

March 15, 2010 in Misc. | Permalink

Put that hammer down this instant, Craig Newmark, you squirrelly genius. (Photo by Dave Sifry.)

MOLLY EPSTEIN–ENGLISH TEACHER AT BRONX HIGH SCHOOL OF SCIENCE (Chelsea)

Does anyone know what happened to her? Did she die? If so–how? I used to substitute teach there and we passed many interesting afternoons chatting in the teacher’s cafeteria. Time frame is in the 1960’s. Thanking you in advance.

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Decoder: Karl Rove’s Comments On Fox News And Other Venues

March 15, 2010 in Humor, Politics | Permalink

It appears that Butterbean has written a book.

Karl Rove: But if [Obama] passes this health care reform, I think [the Democrats] lose the House of Representatives this fall.

Decoder: And I am something of an expert on how lose the House of Representatives.

Karl Rove: Embedded in that view is the belief that the American people can be easily manipulated by those kind of [smear] tactics. And frankly, I got greater respect for the voter than that.

Decoder: My career has proven time and again that I have zero respect for voters. I used to pander to the Christian conservative base even though I’m agnostic.

Karl Rove: If you’re going to attack somebody, it has to be seen as fair and appropriate and relevant and credible.

Decoder: I steadfastly defend the TV commercials that were used against former Georgia Senator Max Cleland, the ones that had footage of Saddam Hussein and Osama bin Laden and claimed Cleland didn’t have the courage to lead. You know, the Max Cleland who lost three limbs while fighting for our country in Vietnam, while I was doing everything possible to avoid the draft.

Karl Rove: Oh, I think the world of [Colin Powell]. I think he is a great leader and I think he was a terrific secretary of state. But I did get under his skin.

Decoder: He’s apparently allergic to doughy, lying pricks.

Karl Rove: Harry Reid and I share a common Nevada root. I tried to develop a cordial relationship with him but he was, as you will see in episodes in the book, breathtakingly political in his approach to virtually everything and unreliable even when he was with you.

Decoder: He’s almost as partisan as I am. I hate people like that.

Karl Rove: [Waterboarding] is not torture. But reasonable people can disagree.

Decoder: But if they do, I will torture them.

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Excerpted: “Fast Man With A .45,” Sports Illustrated (1962)

March 14, 2010 in Excerpts, Sports, Urban Studies | Permalink

Roy Mark Hofheinz kept a wonderfully gaudy apartment in the Dome. The pad had a shooting gallery, a putting green and a puppet theater.

As the new textbook rules in the Lone Star State remind us, there’s no kind of crazy like Texas crazy. But that’s not always a bad thing.

One example of the good kind of Texas crazy was Roy Mark Hofheinz, the subject of “Fast Man with a .45,” a 1962 Sports Illustrated article.

Hofheinz was first owner of the Houston Astros (originally called the Colt .45s) and spearheaded the building of the glitzy Astrodome, the first domed sports stadium in the world, which the wealthy Texan claimed was inspired by the Roman Colosseum. It cost a then-staggering sum of $22 million. When it first opened, the Astrodome was nicknamed the “Eighth Wonder of the World.” Hofheinz was a part owner of Ringling Bros. Circus, so such breathless hoopla was never in short supply.

Even though it’s now in its dotage, the Dome had a fascinating existence. In addition to baseball and football, it hosted everything from national political conventions to the Super Bowl to the “Battle of the Sexes” tennis match. It also temporarily housed homeless citizens in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. An excerpt from the SI article about the man who got it built:

“Roy Hofheinz is a large man with an even larger stomach, a theatrical flair and a mind as quick as a cash-register drawer. He smokes a box of cigars a day, sleeps only when there is nothing else to do and would, if charged with the U.S. space program, have had John Glenn in orbit by the astronaut’s third birthday. He is considered unusual even in Texas.

The grandson of a Lutheran missionary, who spoke 11 languages and came over from Alsace-Lorraine to preach and plant potatoes, Hofheinz has been a dance-band promoter, a radio huckster and a boy-wonder politician (he was Lyndon Johnson’s first campaign manager). He also is a multimillionaire and at one time was the most controversial mayor in the history of Houston.”

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Featured Vdeo: “Kienholz On Exhibit” (1969)

March 14, 2010 in Urban Studies, Videos | Permalink

Kienholz is certainly on exhibit in this picture by German photographer Lothar Wolleh.

One of the founders of the famed Ferus Gallery in Los Angeles, Edward Kienholz used found objects and carpentry skills learned from a boyhood spent on a farm to create his installations. Mannequins, abandoned cars and hollowed out TVs were modified and arranged with great care to serve as social criticism, sometimes giving off the vibe of American life descended into a sort of pulpy horror movie.

This 21-minute documentary by June Steel chronicles Kienholz’s controversial 1966 show at the L.A. County Museum of Art. That exhibit included “Back Seat Dodge ’38.” This piece and others were thought to be obscene by certain critics. Instead of interviewing the artist, Steel gets reactions to the installations from museum visitors, a cross section of people of different races and ages.

The smart movie is as much a chronicle of the time and place it was made in as it is of the artist’s work. Watch “Kienholz on Exhibit.”

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Old Print Article: “Her Only Dish–Mrs. Niedhammer Confined Her Husband To Sausage,” Brooklyn Daily Eagle (1890)

March 13, 2010 in Misc., Old Print Articles | Permalink

"Phebe's culinary knowledge did not extend beyond the cooking of that particular kind of sausage known as Frankfurter."

This bizarre article in the March 15, 1890 edition of the Brooklyn Daily Eagle tells the story of newlyweds Henry Niedhammer and Phebe Ruff, who broke up because she only knew how to cook one meal–a particular type of sausage dish known as “Frankfurter.” An excerpt:

“No sooner, however, had the young couple commenced to live together than Henry was annoyed to find that his wife was oftener in her mother’s home than her own and that Phebe’s culinary knowledge did not extend beyond the cooking of that particular kind of sausage known as Frankfurter. It was Frankfurter for breakfast, Frankfurter for dinner, and Frankfurter for supper, and all his remonstrances he said, were unavailing.

About a week ago he succeeded in having a change in the daily menu, but when, on Friday last, having had Frankfurter for breakfast, more Frankfurters were produced for dinner, Henry’s patience gave way, and, having hurled the dish of sausages at his wife, he, she alleges, caught up the carving knife and chased her out of the house.

The furniture was thereupon taken back and Henry having bade his father and the rest of his family farewell, made a beeline for the Navy Yard, and there, having enlisted as a marine, is supposed just now to be frisking in a capful of wind outside of Sandy Hook on his way to the Azores.”

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Decoder: Eric Massa’s Comments To Glenn Beck

March 12, 2010 in Humor, Politics | Permalink

Representing New York's slap-and-tickle district.

Eric Massa: I wasn’t forced out. I forced myself out. I failed. I didn’t live up to my own codes. I own this. I take full and complete responsibility for my misbehavior. And goodness only knows what allegations they are going to throw at me.

Decoder: I’ve done so much stuff even I can’t remember it all. God knows what they’ll find out.

Eric Massa: Now, they’re saying I groped a male staffer. Yes, I did. Not only did I grope him, I tickled him until he couldn’t breathe and four guys jumped on top of me.

Decoder: It was the best date ever.

Eric Massa: We all lived together, all the bachelors and me.

Decoder: Unfortunately, they weren’t confirmed bachelors.

Eric Massa: If somebody on my staff was offended, was uncomfortable, thought I was inappropriate–I own that. That’s why I resigned.

Decoder: I resigned for stuff much worse than that.

Eric Massa: Yes, I do believe in God.

Decoder: Especially his sexy, long-haired son, Jesus.

Eric Massa: I mean, I don’t know how else to put it. I own this misbehavior.

Decoder: I also own a lot of sex toys and pornos.

Eric Massa: At this point, people will be told to say anything about me.

Decoder: Mostly the truth. And that won’t make me look good.

Eric Massa: [Being a congressmen] literally for me is 120-hour workweek.

Decoder: Taking my pants off so frequently is time-consuming.

Eric Massa: Congressmen spend five to seven hours a day on the phone, begging for money.

Decoder: And for phone sex.

Eric Massa: And, by the way, when you are a freshman, you have to fill out sheets of everybody you call and how much money per hour, and they have coaches to teach how to get more money from each one of your phone calls and who to call and what data points they have on them to tickle them, to make them more apt to give you money.

Decoder: Wow, I can’t stop talking about tickling.

Eric Massa: I mean, people say that I’m making this stuff up. I’m just telling you what I learned in 14 months in the United States Congress–by the way, a Congress I deeply love.

Decoder: I want to love many congressman very, very deeply.

Read other Decoders.

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Old Print Ad: Boston Drug Drunkenness Cure

March 12, 2010 in Misc. | Permalink

Reasonably priced and poison-free!

There’s no specific date attached to the advertisement for this so-called temperance aid, but it seems likely that it was from the Prohibition era in the 1920s or during the run-up to that “noble experiment.” The ad suggests that news of Boston Drug’s wonders “should be scattered broadcast through the land and everywhere the curse of strong drink prevails.” The cost was $1 per box. An excerpt from the creepy copy:

“Free from the desire to drink of alcoholic liquors are the many who have used Boston Drug. This is the positive remedy for the evils of intemperance. It cures the liquor habit! Thousands have used it and been cured. Physicians, minsters, temperance advocates endorse it. Used in public and private hospitals and state institutions. Everywhere with success. May be administered secretly in any food or drink. Patients treated without their knowledge when desired. A tasteless powder, colorless and pure. Contains no poison.”

Great Photography: “Weird Science In Action,” Life

March 11, 2010 in Photography, Science/Tech | Permalink

The space suit photo was taken by Fritz Goro, who invented "macrophotography," which made it possible for cameras to capture microscopic images.

“Weird Science in Action” is am essay of 19 cool photos of odd science experiments culled from the amazing Life magazine archives. My favorite one is probably number 14, “Prototype Space Suit, Mojave Desert, California, Early 1960s,” although “Play Ball,” in which a chicken plays a baseball board game (number 15), is also very great.

Number 19 shows a high-voltage demonstration by Jim Vaus, an erstwhile illegal wiretapper and electronics expert who converted to Christianity after hearing a speech by Reverend Billy Graham. Vaus’ story of quitting a crime syndicate and his subsequent religious conversion was the subject of an autobiography and the 1955 film Wiretapper.

See other Great Photography.

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“I Don’t Feel Lowly At All. I Myself Feel Sure.”

March 11, 2010 in Books, Excerpts, Urban Studies | Permalink

The oral history Working is one of the best books by the late, great writer, historian and radio host Studs Terkel. I can’t recommend this book enough. There’a also a graphic adaptation that Harvey Pekar worked on, though I haven’t seen a copy.

An excerpt from “Dolores Dante, Waitress”:

People imagine a waitress couldn’t think or have any kind of aspiration other than to serve food. When somebody says to me, ‘You’re great, how come you’re just a waitress?’

Just a waitress. I’d say, ‘Why, don’t you think you deserve to be served by me?’ It’s implying that he’s not worthy, not that I’m not worthy. It makes me irate. I don’t feel lowly at all. I myself feel sure. I don’t want to change the job. I love it.

Some don’t care. When the plate is down you can hear the sound. I try not to have that sound. I want my hands to be right when I serve. I pick up a glass, I want it to be just right. I get to be almost Oriental in the serving. I like it to look nice all the way. To be a waitress, it’s an art.

I feel like a ballerina, too. I have to go between those tables, between those chairs. Maybe that’s the reason I always stayed slim. It is a certain way I can go through a chair no one else can do. I do it with an air. If I drop a fork, there is a certain way I pick it up. I know they can see how delicately I do it. I’m on stage. I tell everyone I’m a waitress and I’m proud.•

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Listeria: Top 20 Nicknames Of Pitchers In Major League Baseball History

March 11, 2010 in Sports | Permalink

Not Rosie O'Donnell.

Read other Listeria lists.


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Thomas Friedman And The Art Of Sucking

March 10, 2010 in Misc., Politics | Permalink

Either I start getting more oral sex or they'll be more wars. (Photo by Charles Haynes.)

There are those moments when you hear a talking head on TV say something so stupendously wrong-minded that it’s stunning. Since most of cable news is aimed at attention-grabbing shock, it’s not easy to stand out as colossal bonehead, but it happens occasionally.

I thought of one such occasion today when I read Thomas Friedman’s op-ed piece in the New York Times. He uses the column to try to convince readers that he was in favor of the Iraq War because he hoped it would bring about democracy in that nation, one that would be supported and sustained by Iraqis themselves.

But Friedman had a very different rationale in 2003 for his loud urging of an American invasion. That was when the columnist and best-selling author guested on the Charlie Rose Show to explain why the U.S. needed to go to war. The comments still stand out to me for their irrationality, immaturity and immorality. Every time Friedman tries to revise his reasons for being an Iraq War cheerleader, these statements should be brought up. An excerpt:

“We needed to go over there, basically take out a very big stick right in the heart of that world and burst that bubble, and there was only one way to do it.

What they needed to see was American boys and girls going house to house, from Basra to Baghdad and basically saying, ‘Which part of this sentence don’t you understand?’ You don’t think, you know, we care about our open society, you think this bubble fantasy, we’re just gonna to let it grow? Well, Suck. On. This.

We could have hit Saudi Arabia. It was part of that bubble. Could have hit Pakistan. We hit Iraq because we could. That’s the real truth.”

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Urban Studies: Harlem Children’s Zone

March 10, 2010 in Politics, Urban Studies | Permalink

President Obama has set aside $10 million in matching funds to replicate the Harlem Children's Zone in other areas. It's a good first step, but the amount is too paltry. (Photo by Steve Jurvetson.)

Some stories get covered a lot but can’t get covered enough. That’s the case with sociologist and educator Geoffrey Canada‘s amazing two-decade-old anti-poverty initiative, Harlem’s Children Zone, which has won plaudits from both sides of the political aisle.

More importantly, it’s working. Children enrolled in HCZ grow to be healthy, well-educated adults, whereas previous generations who grew up on their same blocks, often got lost in the system, their dreams deferred until they were all but lost.

Newsweek is the latest to shine a light on the HCZ (and other pioneering programs like it). An excerpt from Raina Kelley’s article “The Future of Black History“:

“What the HCZ does is first recognize that the amelioration of poverty does not begin and end with an excellent education, but also requires a full belly, parental education, safety, advocacy, and the expectation that every student will succeed.

‘We help parents and kids through the system,’ HCZ founder Geoffrey Canada says. ‘We get them past every hindrance put in their way, whether it be at home or with social services. We can advocate on a child’s behalf, whether it be at home or in the classroom or with the juvenile justice system.’

Indeed, the HCZ starts early: it provides new parents with a Baby College to teach parenting skills during the crucial first three years of a child’s life and a preschool Gems program, where kids learn not only French and Spanish but healthy eating habits to combat childhood obesity. The Zone also offers the HCZ Asthma Initiative to provide medical care and education to families, thus drastically cutting down on the number of school days missed by students suffering from asthma.

And it has a network of afterschool programs that teach media literacy, karate, and computer skills. It’s called the pipeline–once familes enter, it’s hoped that they’ll stay until their child graduates from college.”

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Old Print Article: “Pugs At Gothic Hall,” Brooklyn Daily Eagle (1873)

March 10, 2010 in Misc., Old Print Articles, Sports, Urban Studies | Permalink

We're sweet-looking young men who enjoy pugilistic displays.

Why would I even comment on this insane article from the June 4, 1873 issue of the Brooklyn Daily Eagle when I could never, ever do it justice? Unfortunately, it’s not bylined, but here’s an excerpt from “Pugs at Gothic Hall”:

“The sporting fraternity, at least that portion given to pugilistic displays and wrestling encounters, was out in all its glory at Gothic Hall last night. The entertainment, which called together this distinguished crowd of first citizens, was somewhat facetiously termed by its originators a ‘grand international boxing and wrestling festival.’

The assemblage was more respectable in its general character than are usually met on such occasions. Among the audience were numerous young men dressed in the height of fashion, and looking quite decent in their new clothes. The Fulton street dry goods clerks were represented by a large delegation of real sweet looking young men, made particularly prominent by their loud red neckties and low necked shirts. It was noticeable that the majority of these promising youths wore their hats on the right sides of their respective heads at an angle of about forty degrees.

And then they talked in a free and easy sort of way about ‘good’uns’ and  ‘bad’uns,’ of ‘duffers’ and ‘snoozes,’ calculated to convey the impression that they were very reckless and altogether dangerous young men to meddle with.

Those who chewed tobacco chewed heavy cuds, and when they walked around the room they walked like men determined to push a house over, or bite someone’s ear off, or something equally horrifying and dreadful.”

Decoder: Jay Leno’s Remarks About The Oscars While Interviewing Richard Roeper

March 9, 2010 in Humor | Permalink

Are you ready to take the green car challenge?

Jay Leno: I am so glad [Jeff Bridges] won. He’s a good guy, he’s been married, he has a nice family.

Decoder: I like to rate the quality of other people’s family lives, like when I’ve pointed out in past that Conan O’Brien and others are good family guys. Judging which Americans have the right level of family values is a job that should be handled by someone like myself. You know, a childless TV comic with an exaggerated sense of self-importance who’s trying to pander to Middle America in the same desperate way that politicians do.

Jay Leno: I’ve seen all these [war] movies and, I’m sorry, they all end with the American soldiers doing something wrong, doing something for the wrong reason, accidentally killing someone–they’re always the bad guys. Here’s a film [Hurt Locker] about Americans that are going out and risking their lives to save Iraqis. I watch it and I feel good about the people in it, whereas some of these other movies, I come out depressed.

Decoder: I know all war movies don’t end that way; I’m just being manipulative. It’s not that I don’t care about the troops, but this statement has nothing to do with them. I will wrap myself in the flag and stick the pole up my ass if that’s what it takes to make gullible Americans love me and watch my show. Patriotism–at least this pandering type of patriotism–is the last refuge of a lout. Politicians always behave this way when trying to win votes, but in my case the election never ends.

Jay Leno: I thought Avatar was treated unfairly [at the Oscars]. I would guess that last night’s telecast was the highest rated in five years was because you had Avatar fans wanting to see their picture win. Hurt Locker is a great picture and I saw it, but not many people have.

Decoder: When something is really popular–like my show for instance–it should be given awards even if it isn’t of the best quality. Despite my popular success, I’m still insecure about the lack of critical acclaim I’ve received.

Read other Decoders.

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Science/Tech: Trash Spies In England

March 9, 2010 in Science/Tech, Urban Studies | Permalink

I'm really filthy. Wanna watch? (Image by KVDP.)

England is a little wacky with the “Oceania” surveillance methods, but the country has outdone itself with its latest Big Brother act. An Associated Press article on Google details how the government secretly installed 2.6 million microchips in trash bins to monitor how much garbage residents are disposing of. The chips haven’t been yet used to tax citizens who are creating what’s deemed excessive waste, but that’s the eventual plan.

I’m all in favor of conservation, reusing and recycling, but this is just creepy and invasive. It’s also seems like the future. An excerpt:

“The trash microchips are now part of the British information grid, which already includes a heavy reliance on closed-circuit television surveillance and cameras to monitor the population, particularly on the crowded public transportation system.

‘This is yet another piece of surveillance that the councils are taking on in our daily life,’ said [Big Brother Watch campaign director Dylan Sharpe. ‘With this information they can tell if we are home or not, and the information is stored on their database, which is not that secure.’

He said the ‘pay as you throw’ policy councils are planning to implement would discriminate against large families that generate more waste and might encourage people to burn their refuse–or dump it illegally–rather than pay extra.”

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Old Print Ad: Alcohol-Filled Novelty Handgun (1926)

March 9, 2010 in Misc. | Permalink

The gun's not real, but my gout is.

This 1926 print advertisement touted a fake-but-realistic-looking gun that had a compartment for cigarettes and “liquid refreshment.”

It was essentially an elaborate, winking way to sell an undetectable flask during Prohibition. The copy suggested that you fill the handle with buttermilk or cider, but the implication was clear. Because the coppers would never suspect that you had booze in your gun.

The firearm sold for $1.79 and came with a full guarantee, but who would willingly return an alcohol/gun combo? An excerpt from the insane ad copy:

“You can have lots of fun sticking up your friends with this ugly ‘Gat’ and then soothing their startled nerves with a nice cool smoke or liquid refreshment. You’ll be the life of the party even if you scare a few to death.”

“Our Teacher, She Had This Idea We Had To Be Sexy”

March 9, 2010 in Books, Excerpts, Urban Studies | Permalink

One of Studs Terkel’s oral histories wrapped around a central theme, Working presents people discussing in their own words their jobs and careers. It’s Terkel’s usual mix of astute social commentary and literature, marked by his inimitable knack for getting people to open up in profound ways. Some professions covered include: farm worker, bus driver, jockey, cop, film critic and prostitute. An excerpt from “Terry Mason, Airline Stewardess”:

“When people ask what you’re doing and you say stewardess,you’re really proud, you think it’s great. It’s like a stepping stone. The first two months I started flying I had already been to London, Paris and Rome. And me from Broken Bow, Nebraska. But after you start working it’s not as glamorous as you thought it was going to be.

They like girls that have a nice personality and that are pleasant to look at. If a woman has a problem with blemishes, they take her off. Until the appearance counselor thinks she’s ready to go back on. One day this girl showed up, she had a very slight black eye. They took her off. Little things like that.

We had to go to stew school for five weeks. We’d go through a whole week of make-up and poise. I didn’t like this. They make you feel like you’ve never been out in public. They showed you how to smoke a cigarette, when to smoke a cigarette, how to look at a man’s eyes. Our teacher, she had this idea we had to be sexy. One day in class she was showing us how to accept a light for a cigarette from a man and never blow it out. When he lights it, just look in his eyes. It was really funny, all the girls laughed.”

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Urban Studies: Special Attorneys For Animals? Swiss Vote No.

March 9, 2010 in Urban Studies | Permalink

Are you basing story selections on how many cat photos you have stored in your cell phone?

An AP story that was picked up by the New York Times reports that roughly 70 percent of voters in Switzerland on Sunday struck down a referendum that would have allowed for special lawyers to represent abused animals–be they house pets or farm livestock.

Switzerland has what are probably the most stringent animal-rights laws in the world, but activists think that they are often unenforceable without legal intervention to untangle the esoterica. An excerpt:

“The country’s 160-page animal protection law states exactly how much space owners must give Mongolian gerbils (233 square inches) and what water temperature is required for African clawed frogs (64-72 degrees Fahrenheit).

It stipulates that pigs, budgies, goldfish and other social animals cannot be kept alone. Horses and cows must have regular exercise outside their stalls and dog owners have to take a training course to learn how to properly look after their pets.

Swiss daily Tribune de Geneve reported earlier this year that a woman who decapitated four chickens and left their heads on the doorstep of her love rival received a 90-day suspended sentence.”

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“They Attacked Like A Chainsaw Cutting Into Wood, The Teeth Of The Saw The Edge Of Their Clubs”

March 8, 2010 in Books, Excerpts, Politics | Permalink

The same arrogance the made Mailer a great writer also made him sometimes do dumb things. (Image from MDC Archives.)

I think the first time in my childhood that I heard the name “Norman Mailer” was in connection with one of the worst things he ever did. Mailer agitated for the release of convict/writer Jack Henry Abbott, who had spent much of his life in prison. Mailer envisioned Abbott as an American Genet.

It was, of course, a stupendously stupid thing to do. Within six weeks of his 1981 release, Abbott murdered 22-year-old New York waiter/aspiring actor Richard Adan. Whether he was springing cons, running for mayor or seething at Gore Vidal, Mailer often acted out of incredible hubris. But he was a magnificent writer, especially when he was in full-on non-fiction mode.

Some of his best work is collected in Miami and the Siege of Chicago, his street-level examinations of the 1968 Republican and Democrat national conventions, in all their depressing and tumultuous infamy. An excerpt from The Siege of Chicago, which concerns a protest march that was halted with utter brutality:

“There, damned by police on three sides, and cut off from the wagons of the Poor People’s March, there, right beneath the windows of the Hilton that looked down on Grant Park and Michigan Avenue, the stationary march was abruptly attacked. The police attacked with tear gas, with Mace, and with clubs, they attacked like a chainsaw cutting into wood, the teeth of the saw the edge of their clubs, they attacked like a scythe through grass, lines of twenty or thirty policemen striking out in an arc, their clubs beating, demonstrators fleeing. Seen from overhead, from the nineteenth floor, it was like a wind blowing dust, or the edge of waves riding foam on the shore.”

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