Rep. Mark Souder: I can never thank enough the people who worked so hard and have given me so much.
Decoder: Especially the lady in the abstinence video. She gave me so much.
Rep. Mark Souder: It has been an honor to be a part of the battle for the freedom and values we share.
Decoder: Well, the values you share. My penis goes rogue.
Rep. Mark Souder: It has been all-consuming for me to do this job well…
Decoder: And even then I wasn’t really very good at it.
Rep. Mark Souder: …especially in a district with costly, competitive elections every two years…
Decoder: Wait a minute. I’m not going to blame my affair on having a busy schedule, am I?
Rep. Mark Souder: …I do not have any sort of normal life…
Decoder: Yeah, I’m going to blame it on the job. Here comes the money shot, so to speak.
Rep. Mark Souder: …for family, for friends, for church, for community.
Decoder: But I sure made time for that mistress.
Rep. Mark Souder: I sinned against God, my wife and my family by having a mutual relationship with a part-time member of my staff.
Decoder: Why did I mention that she was a part-time member of my staff? That makes it not as bad, somehow?
Rep. Mark Souder: In the poisonous world of Washington D.C., any personal failing is seized upon, twisted for political gain.
Decoder: Well, when a guy who does abstinence videos gets caught having an affair, it does make for good copy. And remember when I called on Sen. Larry Craig to resign for hitting on men in an airport bathroom?
Rep. Mark Souder: I’m sick of politicians who drag their spouses up in front of the camera rather than confronting the problem they caused.
Decoder: Wow, this is a bad time for me to play the self-righteous scold, but I’ve been doing it for so long that I can’t help myself. I have a deep need to feel like some sort of hero, and it will always get me into trouble.
- Sarah Palin and Bill O’Reilly
- Elisabeth Hasselbeck
- Jeff Zucker
- Sarah Palin and Sean Hannity
- Glenn Beck
- Michele Bachmann
- Sarah Palin
- Jon Voight
- Rep. Michele Bachmann
- Newt Gingrich
- Rudy Giuliani
- Michael Steele
- Dan Quayle
- Rep. Michele Bachmann
- Sarah Palin
- Mitt Romney
- Rep. John Boehner
- Rep. Michele Bachmann
- Rep. Steve King
- Rick Santorum
- Karl Rove
- Eric Massa
- Glenn Beck
- Jay Leno
- Tom DeLay
- Gov. David Paterson
- Tiger Woods
- Dick Cheney
- Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
Tags: Rep. Mark Souder