Decoder: Rep. Michele Bachmann’s Response To Bill Clinton’s Criticism

April 21, 2010 in Humor, Politics | Permalink

Rep. Michele Bachmann: Her head is one of two pointy things in this photo.

Michele Bachmann: Bill Clinton gave a speech and he was talking about the anniversary of the Oklahoma City Bombing by Tim McVeigh–only Democrats would do this, we don’t celebrate these kinds of things.

Decoder: I’m either suggesting that Bill Clinton was celebrating innocent people being murdered by a domestic terrorist–which would be utter slander–or I’m stating that Republicans don’t care about the survivors of the people who were murdered, which is incredibly stupid. Also: I should probably stop referring to Timothy McVeigh as “Tim.” It makes him sound like a harmlessly mischievous nephew.

Michele Bachmann: Bill Clinton [said] that Michele Bachmann made a statement during the Tea Party rallies that what Barack Obama is doing is “gangster government” and because I’m using a phrase like gangster government, I’m responsible for creating the kind of climate of hate that could lead to another Tim McVeigh and another Oklahoma City Bombing. I’m in my second term as a congresswoman and the former President of the United States decides that I’m important enough to take out.

Decoder: Even when attempting to convince people that I don’t try incite violence, I have to use a phrase like “take out,” which is often synonymous with murder. And Bill Clinton was just suggesting that I tone down my rhetoric, not that he was on a crusade to eliminate me. As usual, I see everything only in extremes.

Michele Bachmann: To the Democrats, violence is when American people want to topple them from positions of political power.

Decoder: Also when “Tim” McVeigh blows up people and buildings.

Michele Bachmann: If only we could hold the election right now this afternoon, President Obama would be out the door so fast.

Decoder: Because he’d be running to the polls to vote. And if I know him at all, he’d probably be voting for himself.

Michele Bachmann: [Obama] wouldn’t make it over the border. There would be border police.

Decoder: Why did I just suggest that Obama would be stopped by border police? Am I insinuating he’s foreign and not a citizen of America? What else could I be saying?

Michele Bachmann: The [Obama Administration] is a gangster government. There are no two ways about it.

Decoder: Well, there are two ways about it, but I’m sticking to the bullshit way.

Michele Bachmann: I’ve decided I’m gonna win [reelection] just to spite [the Democrats].

Decoder: Let others run on the issues. I’m the spite-based candidate.

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