I’LL PAY YOU TO TAKE MY HEAVY PULL-OUT COUCH – $5 (pleasantville)

I have a standard-ish, grey-ish pull-out couch. I think it’s about 80″ long or so–I’m about 6’1″ and can comfortably stretch out when it’s folded up. it’s very plain/neutral looking w/no horrid floral patterns or stains–but the fabric on a few cushions is torn, and should be patched or re-upholstered, depending on how much you care/how you like to spend your money. It doesn’t smell like ferrets or nag champa, it wasn’t cursed by a witch doctor, and it won’t spontaneously accelerate out of control on the highway. We’ve been holding onto it as our only option for guest sleeping, but after a holiday season of guests, I don’t want any more (guests or sleeper-sofas)–and if someone really needs to stay over, they can deal with our regular-ish crappy leather couch.

Here’s the thing–we got the couch from someone second-hand for free, and the cushions are torn (but very cushion-y), as I already said, so I don’t feel quite right asking for any significant amount of money for it in the first place. Also, I want NOTHING TO DO WITH LIFTING IT. At all. I have moved 7 times in 6 years, my wife has a bad back, and mine is on the way, and this thing is not worth a lifetime of pain to me. Don’t get me wrong–it’s not framed around lead, but it’s a pull-out couch–it’s heavy. Two reasonably healthy people should be able to carry it just fine, but I will NOT be one of those people. You also need to be able to get it out the door without taking a square foot of the doorframe off in the process. I will stand around with a beer in my hand and point and say mildly encouraging things to ensure this.

And then, once it’s safely in your truck, or strapped to the top of your geo metro, or whatever, I’ll give you five bucks. You can swing by the gas station on the way home and get yourself a small bottle of ibuprofen and a red-bull–for the pain relief and energy necessary to get it into wherever you live.