Robin Quivers

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When you’ve been successful as long as sports broadcaster Al Michaels has, when you haven’t had to worry about food and shelter essentially your whole life, when you’ve had a blessed ride, you have to be especially on guard against the gradual development of moral blind spots. The announcer guested recently on The Howard Stern Show and discussed two of the most pressing ethical quandaries facing the NFL today: brain injuries and the racist team name of the Washington Redskins (a debate he called “nuts” earlier this year). On the latter issue, Michaels doesn’t believe the term “Redskins” is the same as if the team was called “Blackskins” (oh, it is), and feels that since the majority of the fans (who are white) approve of the name which insults a minority, it should remain (it should not). His rationalizing and lack of empathy is stunning. An exchange follows.

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Howard Stern:

Do you agree with me that if a group of people, especially Native Americans, who have been shit on, they’ve basically been devastated as a people, if they’re offended by the term “Redskins,” why in God’s name would this guy, this owner [Daniel Snyder], who’s blessed with owning a team in the NFL, and he’s got more money than God, and he’s got a great life, why is this guy fighting so fervently to hold on to the name “Redskins”?

Al Michaels:

Well, I think he feels that the polls he’s taken, or have been taken, that most people are not offended by it…this is what I’m telling you what I think he sees. He also sees a fanbase, that when you score a touchdown you have 90,000 people at FedEx Field in Landover, Maryland, and they get up and they sing “Hail to the Redskins,” 90,000 people. So when you see this, and when you see a lot of people saying, “Oh, no, this is the tradition of the team, this is not a derogatory phrase…”

Howard Stern:

So where do you stand on this personally?

Al Michaels:

The name of the team, I mean I never even thought about this, Howard, I didn’t until it came up. It’s not to beg the issue but at a certain point, something’s going to offend everybody, and if a minority is offended by something, do we now change everything people are offended by?

Howard Stern:

Look, you know me, I’ve got a pretty thick skin, but if it it was a team named the “Blackskins” or the “Jewboys,” I would be offended by it.

Al Michaels:

Well, that’s a whole other thing, too…

Howard Stern:

You think?

Al Michaels:

But the name of this team was the name of this team for over 50 years before people started to say this is now derogatory.

Robin Quivers:

Well, maybe the Indians were saying that, but nobody was listening. 

Al Michaels:

People say, and again this is what I’ve heard from people inside the Redskins organization, there are tribes, their teams are named “Redskins” on the reservations. 

Howard Stern:

So you think they should keep the name?

Al Michaels:

Look, I mean, I understand both sides of the issue here, but to me I never thought of it in those terms. I guess if it offends enough people then you do change it. Right now, I’m seeing the majority of people, Redskin fans, saying, “We’re okay with it.”•

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Inscribed by Stern: "Yo--let's do lunch. Howeird."

I haven’t heard a word of Howard Stern’s show since he moved to satellite radio nearly five years ago, but I was pleased to briefly get my hands on an autographed copy of his 1982 record, 50 Ways to Rank Your Mother, which Stern recorded for Wren Records during his pre-Booey Washington D.C. days, when he  was billed as “Howeird” and was very into playing “rank-outs” with listeners.

The radio host (not yet dubbed a “shock jock’) is pictured on the cover dressed in all black, wearing a dog collar and a brandishing a bullwhip. A middle-class mom, straight out of central casting, kneels and cowers before him. The visual is a play on the title song, which, of course, spoofs Paul Simon’s “50 Ways to Leave Your Lover.” The whole album is just as crass and tasteless, and despite being recorded before Stern really fully developed his act, it still has its moments.

Hairy Howard: muh-muh-mustache.

Howard did a record signing to get rid of the surplus LPs when he first moved to NYC, and he and Robin were among the inner circle of loons who were on hand to put ink on covers. Robin signed, “Love ya. You’re the best and you can tell your friends I said so.” Howard went with a simple, “Yo–let’s do lunch.” Howard offered a special thanks to “My first wife, Alison,” which was probably a lot funnier when he was still married to his first wife, Alison. Or maybe it’s funnier now. I don’t know. Here are the titles of the album cuts, which lay low everything from Neil Young to Leave It To Beaver:

Side 1

•50 Ways to Rank Your Mother
•Unclean Beaver, Part I
•I Shot Ron Reagan
•Barry Off-White’s Ode to Howit

Side 2

•Havana Hillbillies
•Unclean Beaver, Part II
•John’s Revenge
•Nail Young’s Cat
•Family Affarce
•Bruce Springstern

More Miscellaneous Media:

  • A Knight’s Hard Day. (1964)
  • The Lowbrow Reader remembers Ol’ Dirty Bastard. (2004)
  • LP record about the 1972 Oakland A’s.
  • Madison Square Garden professional wrestling program. (1981)
  • Spy magazine. (1989)
  • Artis Gilmore ABA basketball card. (1973-74)
  • San Francisco cable car ticket stub. (1990s)
  • Bronx high school newspaper. (1947)
  • Mad magazine. (1966)
  • Vancouver Blazers hockey guide. (1974-75)
  • John Hummer NBA card. (1973)
  • Carolina Cougars ABA Yearbook. (1970)
  • The Washington Senators MLB Yearbook. (1968)
  • Ugandan currency with Idi Amin’s picture. (1973)
  • Tom Van Arsdale basketball card. (1970)
  • “Okie from Muskogee” sheet music. (1969)
  • California Golden Seals hockey magazine. (1972)
  • Beatles Film Festival Magazine (1978)
  • ABA Pictorial (1968-69)
  • Tom Seaver’s Baseball Is My Life. (1973)
  • Hockey Digest (1973)
  • World’s Fair Guide (1964)
  • World’s Fair Guide (1939)
  • Buffalo Braves Yearbook (1972-73)
  • New York Nets Yearbook (1976-77)
  • “Tom Dooley” sheet music.
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