Are you ready to take the green car challenge?

Jay Leno: I am so glad [Jeff Bridges] won. He’s a good guy, he’s been married, he has a nice family.

Decoder: I like to rate the quality of other people’s family lives, like when I’ve pointed out in past that Conan O’Brien and others are good family guys. Judging which Americans have the right level of family values is a job that should be handled by someone like myself. You know, a childless TV comic with an exaggerated sense of self-importance who’s trying to pander to Middle America in the same desperate way that politicians do.

Jay Leno: I’ve seen all these [war] movies and, I’m sorry, they all end with the American soldiers doing something wrong, doing something for the wrong reason, accidentally killing someone–they’re always the bad guys. Here’s a film [Hurt Locker] about Americans that are going out and risking their lives to save Iraqis. I watch it and I feel good about the people in it, whereas some of these other movies, I come out depressed.

Decoder: I know all war movies don’t end that way; I’m just being manipulative. It’s not that I don’t care about the troops, but this statement has nothing to do with them. I will wrap myself in the flag and stick the pole up my ass if that’s what it takes to make gullible Americans love me and watch my show. Patriotism–at least this pandering type of patriotism–is the last refuge of a lout. Politicians always behave this way when trying to win votes, but in my case the election never ends.

Jay Leno: I thought Avatar was treated unfairly [at the Oscars]. I would guess that last night’s telecast was the highest rated in five years was because you had Avatar fans wanting to see their picture win. Hurt Locker is a great picture and I saw it, but not many people have.

Decoder: When something is really popular–like my show for instance–it should be given awards even if it isn’t of the best quality. Despite my popular success, I’m still insecure about the lack of critical acclaim I’ve received.

Read other Decoders.