Competitive eater Joey Chestnut consumed 69 frankfurters in ten minutes to win the annual Nathan’s hot-dog eating contest in Coney Island over the July 4th holiday. He seems like a good guy, so you hope he will stop devouring huge quantities of meat. Otherwise the best-case scenario is that a massive heart attack claims him swiftly so that he doesn’t have to endure the grueling pain of colorectal cancer. Seriously: He really, really needs to stop behaving this way.

“We’re making sausages”: