Dmitry Medvedev

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Nets owner Mikhail Prokhorov: First Lebron reject me, now this. (Image by Андрей Романенко.)

With just a few days remaining in July, Russia, which has been Afflictor’s number one foreign visitor for seventh months running, is languishing in tenth place. Only a furious end-of-the-month rally will keep the former superpower from being trounced as badly as it was during the Cold War. Land of smog and murdered journalists, Russia has long been run by narcissistic thug Vladimir Putin and his hand-picked young ward Dmitry Medvedev. Perhaps that dynamic duo can take a break from kissing evil dictator Kim Jong-il’s ass long enough to marshal their people and win the July traffic race. It won’t make up for losing the space race, but it’s something.

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Give me my gold medal or I will shear my gorgeous shoulder-length tresses in protest. (Image courtesy of David W. Carmichael.)

We welcomed Russia to Afflictor Nation last month, when one of their citizens visited our stupid site for unknown reasons, and now another Russian has graced our URL. Vladimir Putin and his young ward, Dmitry Medvedev, have obviously lost their iron grip on their people, as comrades everywhere are whiling away their time reading our inane comedy and profane commentary. Perhaps Putin was distracted by Russian figure skater Evgeni Plushenko’s controversial second-place finish at the Olympics. Funny thing is, Putin doesn’t seem particularly distracted by his country’s disappearing journalists. Regardless: Welcome again to Afflictor.com, Mother Russia!

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