This brief article in the August 13, 1885 Brooklyn Daily Eagle has it all: a remarkable degree of ethnic insensitivity by the editors, a tale of brazen thievery and a bowling-alley proprietor with the most unfortunate name ever. The story in full:

“Two Italians entered the bowling alley of Dick Cummeys’, on Fourth Avenue, Bay Ridge, yesterday afternoon, during the temporary absence of that gentleman, and endeavored to ‘clean out’ the place. Mr. Cummeys returned just in time to see the two foreigners putting the last article of furniture on a wagon. When he demanded an explanation they set upon him and gave him an unmerciful beating. Then they made their escape.”