Speaking of conspiracists, a confederacy of such cranks just went on a seven-day cruise called “Conspira-Sea.” Radio host Sean David Morton, the kooks’ Capt. Stubing, organized the event for those convinced of the validity of chemtrails and crop circles–but he surely wasn’t acting alone!

Anna Merlan of Jezebel went along for the ride and stayed afloat long enough to file a fascinating report, even though she was ultimately accused of being a CIA agent. That confrontational scene led her to write this apt line: “I felt as though I was caught in a washing machine.”

Aboard with those who believe the government is controlling the weather and others still stubbornly linking vaccinations to autism, was Laura Eisenhower, granddaughter of President Dwight D., who asserted that Hillary Clinton was “definitely not human.” She was not speaking figuratively.

It would all be very amusing if these people weren’t voters and didn’t encourage dangerous health practices. An excerpt:

Morton is a radio host, among other things. Here he was one of the lead organizers of Conspira Sea, the first annual sea cruise for conspiracy theorists. While the ship looped from San Pedro to Cabo San Lucas and back, some 100 of its passengers and I would be focused on uncharted waters, where nothing is as it seems. Before we docked again, two of them would end up following me around the ship, convinced I was a CIA plant.

Elsewhere aboard, people’s vacations were already exuberantly underway, the cigarette-browned casino bustling. Those of us in the conspiracy group were crammed into a dim, red-carpeted conference room in the bowels of Deck 6 to hear Morton, a Humpty Dumpty-shaped man with a chinstrap beard and an enormous, winking green ring, explain our mission.

“Conspiracy theorists are always right,” Morton told the room. He spoke with the jokey cadence and booming delivery of his profession; he’s basically Rush Limbaugh, if Rush Limbaugh claimed to have psychic powers (Morton practices a form of ESP known as “remote viewing,” which he says he learned from Nepalese monks). It was a bit of a pander, since the room was filled with conspiracy theorists.

“In 40 years,” Morton added, “as many people will believe a bunch of Arabs knocked down the World Trade Center as will believe that Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone.” A lot of people nod.•