Alan Abel

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There’s something wrong with people who play pranks. It seems like fractured sexual energy fashioned into a whoopee cushion. But as any longtime reader of this site knows, I’m fascinated by the legendary hoaxster Alan Abel, a blend of Lenny Bruce and Allen Funt whose deadpan presentation bedeviled broadcasters when TV was the primary American media. Abel’s gift is being able to divine our desires and fears before we can name them, and then reflect them through ridiculous stunts that are obviously fake yet fool the masses because of the collective holes in our souls. More than anyone else, he’s the cultural antecedent to Sacha Baron Cohen.

In a smart Priceonomics post, Zachary Crockett profiles man who is–and isn’t–serious. The opening (followed by video of a few Abel hoaxes):

On May 27, 1959, a mysterious, bespectacled man in a suit appeared on The Today Show. After briskly introducing himself, he turned to the camera and told America of his mission: to “clothe naked animals for the sake of decency.”

The man went by the name of G. Clifford Prout, and he claimed to be the president of an organization called The Society for Indecency to Naked Animals (S.I.N.A.). Naked animals, he harped, were “destroying the moral integrity of our great nation” — and the only solution was to cover them up with pants and dresses.

Prout’s impassioned speech did not fall on deaf ears: within days, S.I.N.A. attracted more than 50,000 members. For the next four years, the organization and its leader topped news headlines, made the rounds on talk shows, and spurred heated debates among pundits.

But S.I.N.A. was not real: it was the invention of Alan Abel, history’s greatest media hoaxster.

Over his 60-year “career” as a professional hoaxster, Abel orchestrated more than 30 high-profile stunts — from faking his own death to convincing the press he had the world’s smallest penis. He tricked top New York Times reporters, trolled Walter Cronkite, and weaseled his way into tens of thousands of print publications and talk shows.

His hoaxes attempted to make some kind of political commentary — on censorship, backwards moral standards, or the vapidity of daytime television. But often, they would be taken literally, riling up supporters and revealing ugly truths about America. He preyed on the media’s hunger for juicy stories, and ultimately revealed its gullibility.•

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A funny and prescient piece of performance art in which Abel responded to an ad placed by a 1999 HBO show seeking men willing to discuss their genitalia. Abel presented himself as a 57-year-old musician with a micro-penis. The hoaxer was ridiculing the early days of Reality TV, in which soft-headed pseudo-documentaries were offered to the public by cynical producers who didn’t exactly worry about veracity. Things have gotten only dicier since, as much of our culture, including news, makes no attempt at objective truth, instead encouraging individuals to create the reality that comforts or flatters them. Language is NSFW, unless you work in a gloryhole.

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In this ridiculous interview from basic cable decades ago, Abel satirized our wish for fame, youth and immortality, marrying the emerging celebrity culture to new scientific possibilities. He pretended that he’d created a sperm bank in which only stars like John Wayne and Johnny Carson were allowed to make deposits. And he was going to cryogenically freeze a young woman and tour her body across America. Everyone would be a star and live forever.

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In a 1970s scam, the wiseacre posed as a tennis-loving sheik, playing off America’s fear and loathing of newly minted OPEC millionaires, at a time when our post-WWII lustre had faded. Abel created the character of Prince Emir Assad, who competed in a Pro-Am tourney.

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Abel pulled a prank during the economic downturn of the early 1990s in which he pretended to be a financially desperate man willing to sell his kidneys and lungs. The ruse was eagerly devoured by news media because it toyed furiously with the fear of falling being experienced by a shrinking American middle class, which was under extreme pressure from a dwindling manufacturing base, anti-unionists and technology-driven downsizing. Things have clearly grown even worse.

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That joker Alan Abel plays pranks that work because beneath the ridiculous set-ups and crude one-liners there’s an understanding of our desires and fears. In this ridiculous interview from basic cable decades ago, he satirized our wish for youth and immortality, marrying the emerging celebrity culture to new scientific possibilities. He pretended that he’d created a sperm bank in which only stars like John Wayne and Johnny Carson were allowed to make deposits. And he was going to cryogenically freeze a young woman and tour her body across America. Everyone would be famous and live forever.

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Hoaxer Alan Abel pulled a scam during the economic downturn of the early 1990s in which he pretended to be a financially desperate man willing to sell his kidneys and lungs. The ruse was eagerly devoured by news media because it toyed furiously with the fear of falling being experienced by a shrinking American middle class, which was under extreme pressure from a dwindling manufacturing base, neocon anti-unionists and technology-driven downsizing. All you have to do is glance cursorily at Craigslist today to see many forlorn people earnestly considering pawning their organs. If someone wanted to do this story now, it would be true, a trend piece and unsurprising.

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Another video of the great Alan Abel, who somehow blends Lenny Bruce and Allen Funt, in which he responded to an ad placed by a 1999 HBO show seeking men to discuss their genitalia. Abel presented himself as Bruce, a 57-year-old musician with a micro-penis. The hoaxer was ridiculing the early days of “reality TV,” in which soft-headed pseudo-documentaries were offered to the public by cynical producers who didn’t exactly worry about veracity. Things have gotten only dicier since, as much of our culture, including news, makes no attempt at objective truth, instead encouraging individuals to create the reality that comforts or flatters them. Language is NSFW.

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Alan Abel, prankster and provocateur, has fun at the expense of a media that’s grown cheap. In this 1970s clip, he touts his fake organization Females for Felons, which purported to be a program in which charitable ladies provided sexual release for convicts. He was booked by many lazy TV shows.

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Posting something about prankster Alan Abel earlier today reminded me of a 1970s scam I’d heard about in which the wiseacre posed as a tennis-loving sheik. Playing off America’s fear and loathing of newly minted OPEC millionaires, Abel, decades before Sacha Baron Cohen turned dictator, created the character of Prince Emir Assad, who competed in a Pro-Am tourney.

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In 1972, hoaxer Alan Abel bandaged his head and pretended to be the reclusive millionaire Howard Hughes at a press conference he arranged at the St. Regis Hotel in New York. “Hughes” announced that he was going to freeze himself cryogenically and be thawed out when the stock market reached record highs. He was then rushed in a wheelchair to a waiting limo. A few days later during another press conference, Abel revealed the truth.

In the first clip (a French-language one) you can see footage from the initial press conference. The second video (in English) covers the bandage removal.

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Balloon Popcorn

A delicious photo shoot.

I fear the Balloon Boy saga has forever given hoaxes a bad name. Well, not forever, but for the time being. The backlash wasn’t the result of a family pretending a child was in peril. You can convince the whole nation its imperiled and emerge a genius. The problem with the Balloon Boy prank was its utter crassness; it signified nothing more than a sloppy attempt at reality-show riches. It taught people nothing and delivered no sense of wonder or fun. In short, you need to have style and understand context to be a respected hoaxer. Someone who fits that bill is Alan Abel, the proudest practitioner of the art.

Since the late 1950s, Abel has been pranking his way into media professionals’ hearts and craws, showing Americans that they are “a nation of sheep” who too readily believe what they are told. And his opinion of the gullible media is no kinder.

There was his campaign for S.I.N.A. (Society for Indecency to Naked Animals.), in which he convinced TV and newspapers that he was a prudish crusader who wanted animals to have to wear pants in public. And who can forget the time he planted audience members at a live taping of Donahue and had them faint on cue. Hoaxes are an important tool that help us maintain a healthy skepticism. Long may they (and Abel) live.

ALSO:

Alan Abel’s official site.
Watch Abel Raises Cain, a documentary about Abel on Hulu.
Esquire interviews Alan Abel.
Jiffy Pop popcorn.
Mmm….

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