Urban Studies

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From Farhood Manjoo’s new Slate piece about Elon Musk’s underlying strategy in developing electric-car infrastructure in America:

Tesla wants to be just like Apple. That’s not a bad goal—Apple has done quite well for itself. But what few in the tech press have noticed is that Musk seems to have another tech titan in mind: Google. Musk knows that there’s a single, towering problem in the electric car business: a lack of infrastructure. Batteries aren’t good enough, charging stations are too far apart, and there aren’t enough mechanics and dealers. Tesla is trying to create this infrastructure by itself, which means everything’s moving more slowly than it could. If the entire car business worked together to improve this stuff, batteries and charging infrastructure would improve at a faster pace.

So how can Tesla persuade General Motors, Ford, Toyota, Mercedes, BMW, and other car giants—not to mention other car startups that are similar in size to Tesla—to all work together to improve the world’s electric vehicle infrastructure? By licensing its tech to its competitors, in the same way that Google gives Android away to every phone-maker in the world.

That’s exactly what Tesla has started doing. 

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A video from Audi about “piloted parking,” an intermediary step on the way to driverless cars, though one I doubt many people would opt for.

“You would grab the cheapest bottle of gin from a liquor store.”

ODD REQUEST!! Bring us a bottle to our hospital rooms – $20 (Murray Hill)

Listen, my buddy and I have been in Beth Israel dealing with some recovering from a bad accident. However, we’ve been here FOREVER, and have some time to go. We would love a nice drink at night while playing cards. Can anyone help us out? You would grab the cheapest bottle of Gin from a liquor store, then bring it up. Easiest $20 you can make!!

In the future, and not too far in it, genetically modified foods and in vitro ones will be our best hope, perhaps our only hope. The opening of a New York Times article by Henry Fountain about a hamburger “born” of beef-muscle tissue grown in a Dutch lab, a project I blogged about nearly a year ago:

MAASTRICHT, the Netherlands — As a gastronomic delicacy, the five-ounce hamburger that Mark Post has painstakingly created here surely will not turn any heads. But Dr. Post is hoping that it will change some minds.

The hamburger, assembled from tiny bits of beef muscle tissue grown in a laboratory and to be cooked and eaten at an event in London, perhaps in a few weeks, is meant to show the world — including potential sources of research funds — that so-called in-Vitro meat, or cultured meat, is a reality.

‘Let’s make a proof of concept, and change the discussion from ‘this is never going to work’ to, ‘well, we actually showed that it works, but now we need to get funding and work on it,’ Dr. Post said in an interview last fall in his office at Maastricht University.

Down the hall, in a lab with incubators filled with clear plastic containers holding a pinkish liquid, a technician was tending to the delicate task of growing the tens of billions of cells needed to make the burger, starting with a particular type of cell removed from cow necks obtained at a slaughterhouse.”

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From the November 22, 1906 New York Times:

“‘Writing love letters to his teacher in Public School N. 70, at 207 East Seventy-fifth Street,’ was the charge made against thirteen-year-old John Smith of 315 Easy Seventy-fifth Street in the Childrens’ Court yesterday by Patrolman Alexander Frazier. John went free because the teacher failed to appear against him. 

William Adams, janitor of the school, approached Patrolman Frazier dragging Johnny Smith by the arm, and asked him to arrest the boy. When the officer first asked what the boy had done, the janitor declared that he was guilty of disorderly conduct.

‘He’s been writing love letters to his teacher and won’t stop, though he has been warned enough,’ explained the janitor. The name of the teacher who had won Johnny’s heart did not appear in the policeman’s complaint, but the janitor promised that she would be in court yesterday. Johnny is large for his age and matter of fact in appearance. It was said that he had not only written love letters to the teacher, but had made the unpardonable mistake of reading them to others before sending them.

‘Gee! That was a narrow escape,’ said Johnny when he went free.”

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The opening of Jaron Lanier’s piece in Wired about Moore’s Law, which is excerpted from his new book, Who Owns the Future?:

“Moore’s Law is Silicon Valley’s guiding principle, like all ten commandments wrapped into one.

The law states that chips get better at an accelerating rate. They don’t just accumulate improvements, in the way that a pile of rocks gets higher when you add more rocks. Instead of being added, the improvements multiply. The technology seems to always get twice as good every two years or so. That means after forty years of improvements, microprocessors have become millions of times better.

No one knows how long this can continue. We don’t agree on exactly why Moore’s Law or other similar patterns exist. Is it a human-driven, self-fulfilling prophecy or an intrinsic, inevitable quality of technology?

Whatever is going on, the exhilaration of accelerating change leads to a religious emotion in some of the most influential tech circles. It provides a meaning and context.

Moore’s Law means that more and more things can be done practically for free, if only it weren’t for those people who want to be paid. People are the flies in Moore’s Law’s ointment. When machines get incredibly cheap to run, people seem correspondingly expensive.

It used to be that printing presses were expensive, so paying newspaper reporters seemed like a natural expense to fill the pages. When the news became free, that anyone would want to be paid at all started to seem unreasonable.

Moore’s Law can make salaries — and social safety nets — seem like unjustifiable luxuries.”

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A very smart piece from W. Kamau Bell, who’s uncommonly good at seeing the silliness of the things that separate us and the serious consequences such a divide can have.

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Wearable computing, as predicted by an IBM spot in 1997. From the commercial’s director, John Allen: “We did this piece for IBM in 1997 or so. It was the first time anyone had seen a computer like this, wearable, almost invisible, elegant and futuristic. In fact, we still haven’t seen anything like this. It was a prototype that had to be signed in and out every time it was transported. It is yet to be put into production 15 years later.”

IBM WEARABLE COMPUTER from possible pictures on Vimeo.

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Fidel Castro visited by Ed Sullivan in 1959 after the triumphant revolution, promising a democratic Cuba that never materialized.

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From the March 17, 1904 New York Times:

“While in a cage with three lions this afternoon, Alfred J.F. Perrins, the animal trainer, suddenly became insane. Soon after he entered the cage Perrins struck one of the lions a vicious blow and cried, ‘Why don’t you bow to me, I am God’s agent.’

Perrins then left the cage, leaving the door open and saying, ‘They will come out, as God is looking after them.’ He then stood on a box and called on the spectators to come and be healed, saying he could restore sight to the blind and hearing to the deaf, and heal any disease by a gift just received from God.

The lions started to leave the cage and the spectators fled. The cage door was slammed by a policeman, who arrested Perrins. Physicians announced Perrins hopelessly crazed on religion. He has been in show business thirty years , having been with Robinson, Barnum, and Sells.”

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I was taken aback–and perhaps you were?–when I heard that Bennett Miller had cast Steve Carrell as John du Pont in Foxcatcher, the forthcoming film about the wealthy benefactor of amateur wrestling, a schizophrenic whose money kept treatment at a distance, who descended into utter madness in the 1990s, and ultimately murdered Olympic hero David Schultz. The heavily armed du Pont, who’d played host to underdog sports since the 1960s, was arrested only after a two-day stand-off with the police. The opening of “A Man Possessed,” Bill Hewitt’s 1996 People article about the tragedy:

“Lately he had started telling people that he was the Dalai Lama. If anyone refused to address him as such, he simply refused to talk to them. That was bizarre, but then John E. du Pont, 57, a multimillionaire scion of the fabled industrial family, had always been odd. For fun he drove an armored personnel carrier around his 800-acre estate, Foxcatcher. He complained about bugs under his skin and about ghosts in the walls of the house. By and large, friends and family shook their heads, fretted about his ravings—and waited for the inevitable breakdown. ‘John is mentally ill and has been mentally ill for some time,’ says sister-in-law Martha du Pont, who is married to John’s older brother Henry. ‘But this year he really went over the edge.’

No one realized how far over until Friday afternoon, Jan. 26. Around 3 p.m., Dave Schultz, 36, a gold medalist in freestyle wrestling at the 1984 Olympics, was out working on his car at Foxcatcher, in leafy Newtown Square, Pa., 15 miles west of Philadelphia, where du Pont had established a residential training facility for top-level athletes. Suddenly du Pont pulled into the driveway of the house where Schultz lived with his wife, Nancy, 36, and their two children, Alexander, 9, and Danielle, 6. From the living room, Nancy heard a shot. When she reached the front door she heard a second. Looking out in horror, she saw a screaming du Pont, sitting in his car, extend his arm from the driver’s side window, take aim at her husband, facedown on the ground, and pump one more bullet into his body. After pointing the gun at Nancy, du Pont drove down the road to his home, leaving her to cradle her dying husband. 

During the two-day standoff that ensued, some 75 police and SWAT team members surrounded the sprawling Greek-revival mansion that du Pont called home. Finally, on Sunday afternoon, du Pont emerged, unarmed, to check on the house’s heating unit, which the police had turned off, and was taken without a shot being fired. That evening, a gaunt, ashen-faced du Pont was arraigned in a Newtown Township courtroom on a charge of first-degree murder, which in Pennsylvania can carry the death penalty. As investigators tried to piece together a motive for the seemingly senseless killing, there emerged the sad, scary portrait of a man believed to be worth more than $50 million who was rich enough to indulge his madness and to put enough distance between himself and the world at large to ensure that no one really bothered him about it.”

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I love you, Mommy, but I also love tits.

I love you, Mommy, but I also love tits.

Is everyone ready to order?

Is everyone ready to order?

"Nice rack, sweetheart."

Nice rack, sweetheart.

In wake of the NBA’s Jason Collins announcing that he’s gay–and the largely positive and supportive response to him–Deadspin unearthed a 1982 Inside Sports article about Glenn Burke, a gay pro athlete during the 1970s, who was out to his teammates in a less-enlightened era for sexual politics. The opening:

“The game is over and the baseball player sits in the hotel lobby, his eyes fixed on nothing. He thinks his secret is safe but he is never quite sure, so at midnight in the lobby it is always best to avoid the other eyes. He neither hears the jokes nor notices that a few teammates are starting to wear towels around their waists in the locker room. He does not want to hear or see or know, and neither do they.

The baseball player waits until the lobby empties of teammates and coaches. Some are in the bar, some out on the town, some in their rooms. Some, of course, have found women. He walks briskly out the door toward the taxicab, never turning his head to look back. He mutters an address to the driver and has one foot in the cab. …

‘Hey, where you going, man? You said you were staying in tonight.’

The baseball player feels his lie running up the back of his neck. ‘Changed my mind.’

‘Can I come with you? I got nothing going tonight.’

The baseball player pauses. ‘You don’t want to go where I’m going,’ he says at last. He is leaving a crack there, in case this teammate knows the secret and really would like to go with him.

‘Okay—have it your way.’

The baseball player is in the back seat, the door slams, his heart slams, the cab is pulling away. Fifteen minutes later it stops a block from the place the passenger actually intends to go. He pays the driver. Did the driver look at him sort of funny?

The baseball player steps out and walks back a block, his face turned 90 degrees to his left shoulder, away from the traffic, just in case. What if he meets someone he knows there tonight? There was the ballplayer’s brother the one night and the son of.a major league manager another. Man, they have to know, don’t they? And if he is recognized tonight, should he pretend he is someone else?

Suddenly he is pulling open the door and the men inside smile and the music swallows him and for a few hours in the bar the baseball player does not feel so alone.”

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In my whole life in NYC, I have never seen more unhappy people than I have since the economic collapse in 2008. The stress levels have been tremendous. Not a day goes by when I don’t encounter a few middle-aged, directionless adults pulling a single piece of wheeled luggage behind them, destination seemingly unknown.

But it’s not just the poor who seem miserable. I’ve watched as reasonably successful people who I thought were basically decent act out with an astonishing level of ego, trying to cover up their unhappiness, flailing angrily because they need more and more. I bet it’s not so different where you are, either: People can’t fulfill their needs, basic or otherwise. And the connectivity and narcissism of the Internet has not made us feel better. What is it that we really want?

It’s a generalization, sure, but we live in desperate times. So I guess I’m not as surprised as I should be that more Americans now die from suicide than automobile crashes. From Tara Parker-Pope in the New York Times:

“Suicide rates among middle-aged Americans have risen sharply in the past decade, prompting concern that a generation of baby boomers who have faced years of economic worry and easy access to prescription painkillers may be particularly vulnerable to self-inflicted harm.

More people now die of suicide than in car accidents, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, which published the findings in Friday’s issue of its Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report. In 2010 there were 33,687 deaths from motor vehicle crashes and 38,364 suicides.

Suicide has typically been viewed as a problem of teenagers and the elderly, and the surge in suicide rates among middle-aged Americans is surprising.

From 1999 to 2010, the suicide rate among Americans ages 35 to 64 rose by nearly 30 percent, to 17.6 deaths per 100,000 people, up from 13.7. Although suicide rates are growing among both middle-aged men and women, far more men take their own lives. The suicide rate for middle-aged men was 27.3 deaths per 100,000, while for women it was 8.1 deaths per 100,000.

The most pronounced increases were seen among men in their 50s, a group in which suicide rates jumped by nearly 50 percent, to about 30 per 100,000. For women, the largest increase was seen in those ages 60 to 64, among whom rates increased by nearly 60 percent, to 7.0 per 100,000.

Suicide rates can be difficult to interpret because of variations in the way local officials report causes of death. But C.D.C. and academic researchers said they were confident that the data documented an actual increase in deaths by suicide and not a statistical anomaly. While reporting of suicides is not always consistent around the country, the current numbers are, if anything, too low.”

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From the September 25, 1888 New York Times:

Chicago–A dispatch from Wichita, Kan., says: The baby of a farmer, William Beattie, who lives on the Cimarron River, north of the Territory line, was carried off by an eagle Saturday. Beattie went to work in the morning, leaving in his dug-out his two children, one 5 years old and a baby aged 2 months. About noon Beattie returned home and found his girl in tears. She said she had taken the baby into the yard and left it while she went into the house. In a few minutes she heard a cry, and in looking out saw the baby ‘flying away,’ as she expressed it. The father knew at once that an eagle has visited his home and summoned his neighbors to the wooded banks of the river, for which the eagle had made. In about an hour the sound of a shot summoned the searchers together. One of the men had found the eagle and was engaged in a conflict with it. He had emptied his gone at the big bird and was using his gun as a club when reinforcements arrives. The eagle fluttered into the bush and then the father saw his infant dead, the body badly lacerated.”

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“No counting calories.”

I’m Fat

And Very Happy! No counting calories. I’m about to eat some steak with fries that my fat wife is cooking. I’m rubbing my feet together because I’m so Excited!!!! OHH BABE!!!!

From a very good Fast Company article by Austin Carr which addresses Internet privacy issues via a recent conversation between Nouriel Roubini and Eric Schmidt:

“Though market competition (or regulation) may dispel some inappropriate corporate uses of personal data tracking, the likelihood is the more ways we interact with technology, the more data we’re likely to share–perhaps unknowingly.

Schmidt does not believe this to be the case. ‘Not everyone is going to track all your behavior,’ he stressed. ‘There is no central Borg tracking all of these things.’

Still, the former Google CEO did touch on some moral issues related to certain types of data collection. ‘In America, there is a sense of fairness, culturally true for all of us…if you have a teenage boy or girl who makes a mistake–does some sort of crime, goes to juvenile hall, is released–in our system, they can apply and have that expunged from their record. They can legally state that they were never convicted of anything. That seems like a reasonable thing,’ Schmidt said. ‘Today, that’s not possible because of the Internet…[and] that seems to violate our innate sense of fairness.’

‘This lack of a delete button on the Internet is in fact a significant issue,’ Schmidt said. ‘There are times when erasure [of data] is the right thing…and there are times when it is inappropriate. How do we decide? We have to have that debate now.'”

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From David Brown’s new Washington Post article about words used by our distant ancestors which seem to have been remarkably preserved:

You, hear me! Give this fire to that old man. Pull the black worm off the bark and give it to the mother. And no spitting in the ashes!

It’s an odd little speech. But if you went back 15,000 years and spoke these words to hunter-gatherers in Asia in any one of hundreds of modern languages, there is a chance they would understand at least some of what you were saying.

That’s because all of the nouns, verbs, adjectives and adverbs in the four sentences are words that have descended largely unchanged from a language that died out as the glaciers retreated at the end of the last Ice Age. Those few words mean the same thing, and sound almost the same, as they did then.

The traditional view is that words can’t survive for more than 8,000 to 9,000 years. Evolution, linguistic ‘weathering’ and the adoption of replacements from other languages eventually drive ancient words to extinction, just like the dinosaurs of the Jurassic era.

A new study, however, suggests that’s not always true.” (Thanks Browser.)

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I suppose it was just a matter of time until a technologist as guided by the future as Elon Musk would want to add driverless-car technology to his his Tesla Motors line, though he does object to the jargon that currently attends the function. An excerpt from Bloomberg:

Elon Musk, the California billionaire who leads Tesla Motors, said the electric-car maker is considering adding driverless technology to its vehicles and discussing the prospects for such systems with Google. Bloomberg’s Alan Ohnsman reports on Bloomberg Televisions’ Bloomberg West.

Musk, 41, said technologies that can take over for drivers are a logical step in the evolution of cars. He has talked with Google about the self-driving technology it’s been developing, though he prefers to think of applications that are more like an airplane’s autopilot system.

‘I like the word autopilot more than I like the word self- driving,’ Musk said in an interview. ‘Self-driving sounds like it’s going to do something you don’t want it to do. Autopilot is a good thing to have in planes, and we should have it in cars.’”

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The high-water mark of New York Times journalism was not this article in the September 5, 1913 edition of the paper which reported, unquestioningly, on the creepy search for a new Messiah, which was heavily informed by eugenics. An excerpt:

Chicago–New Aryan stock that is destined to produce a new Messiah and rule the world is developing on the Pacific Coast, according to prominent Theosophists gathered here to-day to attend the opening session of the twenty-seventh annual meeting of the American Section of the Theosophical Society.

One of the chief affairs scheduled for discussion is the development of the society’s fifteen-acre tract at Kaltona, Cal., now used as the headquarters for the organization and established two years ago at a cost of $100,000. A school has been opened there for the teaching of the cult by sixty volunteer workers. The ultimate plan is to use Kaltona, which is within the municipal boundaries of Los Angeles, for the organization of a colony which is to be the nucleus of a new race or physical type in America.

‘This root race is the sixth sub-race of Aryan stock, and there are unmistakable signs that it has appeared on the Pacific Coast,’ said Max Wardall of Seattle. ‘It is a new physical type and is the result of the gradual process of reincarnation, in our opinion. We believe this race is destined to rule the earth. Eugenics has played an important part in the development of the new type, which is taller, more athletic, and somewhat darker than the prevailing type. Its members have a finer nervous organization and a higher spiritual perception.

‘At the proper time we expect a Messiah to appear and direct the destinies of the new race, the same as Christ did centuries ago.’

C.F. Holland of Los Angeles said that three young men were preparing themselves to be human representatives of the new Messiah and that the question of which might be chosen was causing considerable discussion among Theosophists through the world.

Members of the Society of the Eastern Star believe the honor will fall to Krishnamurita Alcyona of India, 18 years old, who three years ago wrote what has been described as a profound book and which attracted the attention of thinkers on reincarnation. Another candidate is an Englishman whose identity is not revealed, and the third is said to be a resident of Chicago. All three candidates, according to Theosophists are undergoing a system of training for the purification of their physical, emotional and mental beings.”

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So-called anticipatory systems bring Big Data to a micro-level, providing you with near-term knowledge you couldn’t find on your own in exchange for you handing over all your personal info so that companies can better target you for ads and who knows what else. It’s convenience at a cost. From Antonio Regalado at MIT’s Technology Review:

“Would you trade your personal data for a peek into the future? Andreas Weigend did.

The former chief scientist of Amazon.com, now directing Stanford University’s Social Data Lab, told me a story about awakening at dawn to catch a flight from Shanghai. That’s when an app he’d begun using, Google Now, told him his flight was delayed.

The software scours a person’s Gmail and calendar, as well as databases like maps and flight schedules. It had spotted the glitch in his travel plans and sent the warning that he shouldn’t rush. When Weigend finally boarded, everyone else on the plane had been waiting for hours for a spare part to arrive.

For Weigend, a fast-talking consultant and lecturer on consumer behavior, such episodes demonstrate ‘the power of a society based on 10 times as much data.’ If the last century was marked by the ability to observe the interactions of physical matter—think of technologies like x-ray and radar—this century, he says, is going to be defined by the ability to observe people through the data they share.”

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The emotional cost of robocar accidents will probably be high, much in the same way that airplane crashes, seldom though they occur, cause panic and terror while run-of-the-mill lethal car accidents are accepted as normal. That’s because airplanes (and driverless cars, eventually) are beyond our control. Such accidents don’t happen because of us, but to us. It’s something we have to constantly arrange and rearrange in our minds.

But beyond the emotional questions, who (or what) will actually be legally liable when automatic autos collide? From Brad Templeton’s answer to that question:

“People often ask who would get sued in a robocar accident. They wonder if it will be the occupant/passenger/driver, or the car company, or perhaps the software developer or some component maker. They are concerned that this is the major ‘blocking’ issue to resolve before cars can operate on the road.

The real answer, at least in the USA and many other countries, is that in the early years, everybody will get sued. There will be no shortage of lawyers out to make a reputation on an early case here, and several defendants in every case. It’s also quite probable that it will be the occupant of a robocar suing the makers of the car, with no 3rd party involved.

One thing that’s very likely to be new about a robocar accident is that the car will have made detailed sensor recordings of the event. That means a 360 degree 3-D view of everything, as well as some video. That means the ability to play back the accident from any viewpoint, and to even look inside the software and see what it was doing. Robocar developers all want these logs, at least during the long development and improvement cycle. Eventually owners of robocars should be able to turn off logging, but that will take some time, and the first accidents will be exquisitely logged.

This means that there will be little difficulty figuring out which parties in the accident violated the vehicle code and/or were responsible in the traditional sense for the accident. Right away, we’ll know who was where they should not have been, and as such, unlike regular accidents, there will be no argument on these points.

If it turns out that the robocar was in the wrong, it is likely that the combination of parties associated with the car, in association with their insurers, will immediately offer a very reasonable settlement. If they are doing their job and reducing accidents, and meeting their projections for how much they are reducing them, the cost of such settlements will have been factored into the insured risk projections, and payment for this reduced number of accidents will be done as it always is by insurers, or possibly a self-insured equivalent.

That’s why the question of ‘who is liable?’ is much less important than people imagine.”

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Marshall McLuhan thought traditional education was dead as soon as the Industrial Age began changing into a Digital one, thanks to TV’s potential to bring answers more directly to students of all ages. While his contemporary Ivan Illich thought we should shutter the schools, McLuhan favored a modernized Socratic method rather than repetition and memorization. Television turned out to be largely a false god, but the Internet is the real deal, both holy and unholy–abundant and interactive and interconnected and always quietly taking as much as it gives. What will become of the classrooms?

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From the September 3, 1903 New York Times:

London–A little pink Persian kitten sat for its photograph to-day in the studio of a well-known animal photographer wearing a gold crown on its head and a gold order around its neck. The pink Persian came from the Windsor Castle and now belongs to Mrs. Anita Comfort Brooks, President of the Gotham Club of New York, who is on a visit to London. This crowned kitten enjoys a perfumed bath every morning and one of its favorite pastimes is to paw the keys of a grand piano.

‘I was the first cat lover to think of giving a cat diamond earrings,’ said Mrs. Brooks to-day. ‘Bangles and necklaces had become so very hackneyed, and I wanted my cat to be unlike any one else’s, so I had the ears pierced and bought my cat a pair of fine diamond earrings.’

Mrs. Brooks always names her cat’s after celebrities. President Roosevelt was the one who rejoiced in jeweled ears. Governor Hughes, another pet, wears pink corsets, pink shoes, and pink stockings, and Admiral was a fine figure in a navy blue coat, striped trousers, and an Admiral’s hat.”

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"Never eat her cooking. She is unsanitary and you will be crapping liquid for days."

“She is unsanitary and you will be crapping liquid for days.”

My Grandma… (Westchester)

I would like to barter my Grandma. Currently I am living with her. She is independent and does not need to be taken care of. Just be prepared for her ignorant rants about how everyone is stupid and things used to be so much better. You will hear about how she is glad her husband is dead and probably some racist stuff also. She will be nice to you and everyone else’s face but will badmouth everyone behind their back in the six hours she spends on the phone a day. She will do gross stuff like use your kitchen sponge to wash everywhere and put it back in the sink. Also never eat her cooking. She is unsanitary and you will be crapping liquid for days. She does stuff like dipping raw chicken in bread crumbs and then putting the remainder back in the box to be used again. Grandma is a pack-rat who blows through money recklessly and then complains she is poor but uses the excuse that the bible says the world will end soon. And speaking of the bible if you ever cross her she will say you have the demons in you. She believes that she was diagnosed with MS in her thirties and overcame it. (First case I ever heard of) Dont try and argue with her. She is always right. If you have any type of headache ever she will insist you are a drunk even though you never drink.

Doesn’t sound too great huh. Maybe we can barter for some yard work exchange for the next sixty years and you could maybe just push her down the stairs. Be creative…will entertain all offers.

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