Misc.

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"I'm also open to work in what i call 'gray areas.'"

“I’m also open to work in what i call ‘gray areas.'”

Im in need of making cash asap (BROOKLYN )

Hello im a 44 yr old married man and father who has worked since age 17, however i had to go on ssd for the past several years ,, although i can no longer do the back breaking work i once did ,, i have experience in other fields as well such as nightclub asst manager, doorman ,, etc ,,,, self storage sales ,, bouncer even though im 5 ft 7 ,,,,, and lobby attendant ,, i have good references im a loyal trustworthy guy who comes to work to work not chat on the phone or play with the text ,,, Im also open to work in what i call gray areas, things are bad financially for me the past 2 years and I need a break from someone out there ,,,,,, im a stand up guy who won’t let anyone down ,, and if i cant do something i will tell you upfront not waste your time ,,, please if anyone can help all im looking for is a chance to get myself and my family back on our feet ,,, Im open to all suggestions but I do not take my clothes off for no one so none of that crap please ,,, whether its a job or you need someone to do something you cant do for whatever reason I just may be your man.

 

sparring club opening

I’m looking for fighters who want to train and beat the shit out of each other…period. Controlled sparring. Must be at least 18.

 

Haunted Painting

I got this painting at a yard sale a few weeks ago. My daughter rides horses so I thought she’d like it. I have no idea how this happened, but the morning after we hung it up in her room, it was on the other wall in her room. (The painting that was there was on the floor.) She was so scared and upset. My husband and I thought she might have been sleepwalking (weird things happen with kids), so we hung it up in our bathroom the next night. We woke up and it was on the wall above our bed. Somehow the painting we had there was propped up against the opposite wall. Needless to say we don’t want this anymore but figure someone else might have interest.

  • Denver Police Warn Of Marijuana Candy Ahead Of Halloween
  • Boob Twerking Model Says She’s Received Death Threats
  • Olfactory Artist Has Crafted A Sculpture That Smells Like Vagina
  • Woman Allegedly Sets Man Ablaze After He Throws Out Her Spaghetti
  • Supermarket: We’re Sorry For Selling Hitler Coffee Creamer
  • Getting Drunk Saves Cat’s Life
  • NSFW: Japanese Sex Doll Doubles As Unique Drink Dispenser
  • No Alimony For Woman Who Didn’t Tell Husband She Was A Genie
  • Meet The 20-Somethings Who Want To Be Sterilized
  • ‘Wasn’t He Gay?’: A Revealing Question About Mister Rogers

 

10 search-engine keyphrases bringing traffic to Afflictor this week:

  1. w d jones who rode with bonnie and clyde
  2. astrophysicist roger angel making the southwest solar
  3. anders sandberg’s doomsday scenarios
  4. what was motopia?
  5. james edward baker father yod
  6. technological unemployment
  7. pubic hair on floor
  8. kate and margaret fox spiritual rappers
  9. is there a real westworld?
  10. william buckley, what side would you have been on in 1776?
This week, Ebola was driven out of New York City...

This week, Ebola was driven out of New York City…

...when a guy accidentally urinated on it.

…when this guy accidentally urinated on it…

...and this chick puked on it.

…and this chick puked all over it.

  • Frank Rich argues it’s difficult to know the present, let alone the future.
  • Singapore is testing autonomous public transport with golf carts.
  • Earnshaw Cook espoused Moneyball ideas before Billy Beane was born.
Wow, St. Peter, that's some tan you've got.

Wow, St. Peter, that’s some tan you’ve got.

St. Peter?!? I mean, duh, I’m wearing horns.

And I'm wearing the kind of underpants that mutes farts. Hey, this is some piece of real estate. Have you ever thought of developing it?

And I’m wearing the kind of underpants that mutes farts. Hey, this is a big piece of real estate. Have you ever thought of developing it?

How so?

We class up the joint, Pete. Casinos, golf courses, European women who've "modeled," and my name in big letters everywhere.

We class it up, Pete. Casinos, golf courses, Eastern European models and my name in big gold letters everywhere.

That sounds hideous. It would actually make this place even worse. You’ve got a deal.

Great. But first we have to install some air conditioners. I'm burning up in this place.

Great. But first we need to install some air conditioners. I’m burning up.

Not happening, Hamburglar.

 

 

"She will be great."

“She will be great.” 

Wonder-Chicken (Green Township)

Tipsy is a 10 week old Bantam hen that needs to be adopted as a pet. Tipsy suffered and has survived an infection of Mareks disease. To protect the rest of the flock Tipsy cannot return to the flock (she’s quarantined). If you want a bird as a pet she will be great.

Please! Get this haunted doll out of my home!! – $50

I have a handmade doll made in 1988. It is the only one ever made. Since it came into my home I have had nothing but nightmares and hear strange noises more often…it’s really freaking me out!! Its blank stare always glancing at me while I try to fall asleep has left me with sleepless nights. I’m putting her in a box and locking her in my closet until someone wants to take this creepy girl off my hands!! Please help!

BLACK SQUIRRELS WANTED

I am looking for black squirrels. I need them alive, so calling me with locations of dead squirrels on the road really doesn’t help. I would like them to run around in my woods. I am willing to pay for them. Thanks.

  • Nurse Accused Of Killing 38 Patients She Found Annoying
  • Why I Bared It All At A Nude Beach With My 75-Year-Old Mother
  • Would You Take Poop Pills If You Knew They’d Save Your Life?
  • Mom Tells Columnist Her Son Masturbates During Hockey Games
  • Patient Woke Up From Colonoscopy Wearing Pink Panties: Lawsuit
  • Man Stops Subway Doors With His Probably Fake Penis Bulge
  • After ‘The Mindy Project’ Anal Sex Scene, What Should Consent Look Like On TV?
  • Used Condoms Hanging On NYC Subway Might Be A Prank, Still Gross
  • Unsuspecting Woman Finds 3-Inch Leech Living In Nose (PHOTO)
  • Sex In The Ocean Sucks In Worst Way Imaginable

 

10 search-engine keyphrases bringing traffic to Afflictor this week:

  1. does justice antonin scalia really believe in the devil?
  2. scott carpenter the astronaut who nearly died in space
  3. computerized workers as fast-food restaurants
  4. alvin toffler’s thoughts on genetic engineering
  5. how dangerous is terrorism?
  6. jerzy kosinski in the 1970s
  7. google outsourcing memories
  8. hunter s thompson writing about the hell’s angels
  9. jg ballard predicting the technological future
  10. the most important military battles in history

This week, the number of U.S. citizens who’ve died from the Ebola virus on American soil held steady.

  • Bill Gates reviews Thomas Piketty’s surprise bestseller.
  • Glenn Close grew up in a right-wing, anti-intellectual cult.
  • Wavy Gravy, Woodstock hippie, did an Ask Me Anything at Reddit.
"You must have a fairly competent and preferably experienced person to remove my kidney."

“You must have a fairly competent and preferably experienced person to remove my kidney.”

kidney for sale (s bx)

22 year old caucasian male, blonde, blue eyed, athletic, great health. 5’10” 160lbs O+ blood. Non smoker, non drinker, D&D free. Looking to donate either right or left kidney, or any partiality of a kidney, just not two. Sorry no BOGO! Need money stat. Willing to ship kidney or travel if need be. I no longer need both kidneys. Times are financially tough and no need to be extravagant and have two kidneys when one will do. Im no Donald Trump. Prefer someone local, but please have your own extraction site and a fairly competent and preferably experienced person to remove my kidney. That also means you will need extraction tools, and I would prefer at least a local/topical anesthetic. Yes lidocaine is hard to get now, so at least have a little compassion and bring something over 35 proof.

Make me an offer, but I will not go lower than 7000. If I am to preform removal on my own the lowest ill go is 10000. I will pay for shipping and shipping materials. 

Trades are agreeable as well. I prefer hi-end audio equipment, automotive, rare jordans, and or submissive BDSM women (must be petite, white with light hair and eyes, experience not necessary, but an explorative sexual appetite a must)

Deal is still on if still posted

I am willing to sell other organs and body parts, granted I have more than enough of them.

Money talks!

This deal will not last, so bid early and bid high.

"Please have your own extraction site."

“Please have your own extraction site.”

"That also means you will need extraction tools."

“That also means you will need extraction tools.”

  • Katy Perry Reportedly Picked To Play Super Bowl
  • This Is Why You Should Be Eating Insects
  • Woman Spends A Month In Jail After Cops Mistake SpaghettiOs For Meth
  • Mom Changes Baby’s Diaper On Dining Table In Chipotle
  • Man Stabs 2 Veterinarians Over Dead Cat, Police Say
  • A Candid, Emotional Exploration Of Men’s Relationships With… Their Penises
  • This Is Not A Human Head
  • Dangerously Long Erection Sends Man To Hospital
  • Chef Dismembers, Cooks Girlfriend Before Killing Himself, Police Say
  • Terror Mega-Merger Looms?

 

10 search-engine keyphrases bringing traffic to Afflictor this week:

  1. coffee delivered to desks by pneumatic tubes
  2. eric andre show damn you polio!
  3. who was isadora duncan’s chauffeur?
  4. more people live alone now than at any other time in history
  5. the internet in florida in 1983
  6. tatu insta city in africa
  7. sex club in the ansonia hotel
  8. tutankhamen moment of discovery
  9. joan didion john gregory dunne marriage
  10. bat masterson when he was a sportswriter
This week, there was bad news for American students competing for seats at our finest universities.

This week, there was bad news for American students competing for seats at our finest universities.

 

  • Matt Bai, author of a new book about the Gary Hart scandal, did an AMA.
  • David Remnick reminds that longreads were’t supposed to work online.
  • Franklin Foer thinks Amazon is a monopoly that needs new regulations.
  • ISIS has a thoroughly modern marketing strategy.
  • Some think brain injuries and scandals won’t doom the NFL.
  • Carlos Slim insists that the three-day work week will become reality.
  • Obese people seem to earn lower wages than the thin. Why?

 

on acid anyone wanna chat (Upper West Side)

so i just took two tabs of acid and was bored so if anyone wants to chat im here.

MUMMIFIED MONKEY – $8000 

I have an authentic mummified money that is 75 years old available for sale. It looks just as it did when it passed. It is in a big jar but the glass is a bit cloudy. Rare piece.

  • Why 75 May Be The Best Age To Die
  • BALLSY MOVE: Man Pushes Giant Testicle Across US
  • ‘An Airplane S*** On Us,’ New Zealand Woman Claims
  • Woman Who Hid Boyfriend’s Body Parts In Flower Pots Sentenced
  • The Meat In This Guy’s Pants Was Worth $1,200, Cops Say
  • Massive Hairball Removed From Teen’s Stomach
  • Someone Killed Nearly 1,000 Chickens With A Golf Club
  • Finally, A Scrotal Condom For The Common Man
  • 7 Things Almost As Amazing As Taking Off Your Bra
  • Fish With Human Teeth Caught In Russian River (PHOTO)

 

10 search-engine keyphrases bringing traffic to Afflictor this week:

  1. did marconi try to contact martians?
  2. why did apple’s newtown digital assistant fail?
  3. martin scorsese on writing
  4. how will history view edward snowden?
  5. texas oilman h.l. hunt
  6. james atlas writing about the death of new york city
  7. early autopsies with spectators
  8. the invention of barbed wire
  9. how does stephen hawking feel about space colonization?
  10. how do viruses become pandemics?
This week, U.S. nurses announced they are unpreparen to handle Ebola patients and...

This week, U.S. nurses announced they are unprepared to handle Ebola patients and…

...him.

…him.

 

  • Homo sapiens will likely be just one kind of human in the future.
  • Jeff Bezos hasn’t yet begun reinventing the Washington Post.
  • The phone call is being reimagined for today’s endless media stream.
  • Defense has allowed star-less baseball teams to thrive.
"My cat urinated on it."

“My cat urinated on it.”

Free couch (Linden)

I have a full size couch I’m giving away because my cat urinated on it. I know there are cleaning solutions available to eliminate the odor at the pet stores but I’m moving and don’t want to take it. Free if interested. A truck will be needed to take it out. It’s solid and comfortable.

"My cat urinated on it."

Take Control of Your Home – 47 year-old man for hire

My specialty is reigning in unruly roommates and adult children who refuse to obey the rules or grow up. Effective, discreet. Initial consultation free.

Vagina Pinatas – $40

Adult Pinatas for SALE!

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