“DO NOT TOUCH eyes, face, genitals,”

Rare Super Hot Peppers

WARNING :::::::: THESE PEPPERS ARE NO JOKE !!!!!!!!

RARE HOT and SUPER HOT PEPPER PLANTS FOR SALE IN CENTRAL NEW JERSEY AREA

$2 EACH or 6 FOR $9.

VARIETIES AVAILABLE INCLUDE:

• JAMAICAN RED MUSHROOM…50,000 shu
• CHOCOLATE SCOTCH BONNET…300,000 shu
• PETER RED or PENIS PEPPER…30,000 shu
• MORUGA SCORPION. . . 2,000,000 shu

WARNING: shu stands for scoville heat units. It’s a measure of capsaicin concentration. JUST AN EXAMPLE: MILITARY PEPPER SPRAY is 2,000,000 shu.

When handling these chiles use protective gloves or the oils could remain in your skin for 2 days.

DO NOT TOUCH eyes, face, genitals, pick your nose or you’re a** before washing hands with soap and COLD water or you will be sorry. Hot water makes it burn more! A mild liquid dish detergent seems to work best.

NOT FOR CHILDREN.

These chile peppers are not for jokes. If you have a friend who knows what they are up against and they take the dare to eat one, okay. But do not trick someone into eating one or you may have to drive them to the hospital! PLEASE handle these mature pepper pods with the same respect you would give a loaded gun! You will need to sign a Waiver and Release of Liability form upon purchase. They are the real deal!

Unexplainable experiences? (Earth)

The Xyngaboist Institute is looking for people that have had experiences that are unexplainable. We are interested in anything from alien or ghost encounters to missing or gained time (and everything in between). We research the unexplained, no matter where that takes us.

“Rats to cows to cats.”

Bones, Skulls, Antlers, Unwanted Carcasses (Leonardsville)

I’m looking for parts! Specifically:

• Antlers (moose, deer, elk, etc. attached to skull or not!)
• Horns (goats, sheep, ibex, antelope)
• Skulls (any! big or small, rats to cows to cats to raccoons to birds and everything in between)
  

They can be cleaned, or not. I don’t mind picking up items with flesh still on them.

Fresh roadkill is okay too, as long as the parts I’m looking for aren’t damaged.

I can pay you what the item is worth to me, or you can make an offer and the worst I can do is say no thanks.

I’m just a collector looking to add some items without buying them online.

Thanks,

Kris

Narconcierge (Brooklyn)

I offer a service whereby I can take you to some of the best plugs in the city, whether for salad greens, high-quality organic pain relief, or soft white, none of this new-fangled ‘designer’ nonsense, nor any kind of crystalline Chinese substances pretending to be ‘mol’. All I fuck with is the old school trinity. In exchange all I ask for is a finders’ fee.

I’m a normal non-shady white kid with my own automobile. I only offer this service to non-shady legitimate people who can prove they’re not affiliated with some basic information (ie social networking, a name I can cross-reference and see that you are in fact employed with a non-government private entity etc). I can pick you up somewhere that is convenient for you, and take you to see one of my people depending on what you need and what you want to spend. Frankly quite a few are in areas that are hard to access by public transportation, all are in residential working & middle class mixed areas that tourists would never see in a million years. I refuse to go to projects for any reason, for my safety and yours. Options vary depending on the good in demand, but generally there will be several in Brooklyn at any given time, running the gamut of price points and quality from good and cheap to the best in the city at points that are still far less than what a ‘service’ will charge you to see you in Manhattan. In addition there are further options above 125th and in the Bronx, however for safety convenience and quality oftentimes Brooklyn wins.

“I am a nice guy.”

I want to be adopted by a wealthy colombian family (anywhere)

I am a nice guy in my 20s that has fell on some hard times and some criminal problems. i need some help out and i need a new godfamily. please help. i would be a great son or brother or grandson. i love cars, cash and sex.

FERTILITY WATER – $15 (MIDWEST)

half gallons of water. it’s just water to us, but many people have drank the water that comes from our well and become pregnant…

one of our friends used in vitro to have their first child and tried for a second with in vitro and it didnt work, after drinking our water she gave birth to another child, with no drugs.

a couple moved in down the road from us and had not conceived in 8 years, stopped in for a visit and had some iced tea with our water, and now have a happy healthy boy.

WE HAVE NO WAY TO PROVE THIS WORKS, but being one of nine children from a couple who could not have children till they moved to this farm, i think it works.

at $15 per half gallon plus shipping it is worth a try.

“Maybe Oprah will know what to do.”

Moving On (Financial District)

Sometimes, it’s a real pain in the ass to get outta bed.
You lay there, pondering what the fuck’s gonna happen when you put feet to floor
deciding it best not to find out.

A day or three can pass, quickly, quietly
You realize everything is only getting worse
You wonder what to do about the smell
Having not showered
Having pissed the bed
Dying to shit but deciding even you haven’t sunk low enough to shit the bed.
. . .Yet.

Why does the damn remote have to be so far away?
Oprah may know what to do.
I’m not stretching that far for the remote.
Fuck Oprah.
Fuck the phone ringing all day.
Fuck the alarm sounding every five minutes.
Fuck her for leaving me.
Fuck that I just shit myself.

Dammit.

Why couldn’t I just say it?
Why didn’t she just know?
Why HIM?

Sometimes its a real pain in the ass lying in bed
Coming to terms with it all
That you pissed yourself
That the remote is too far away
That Oprah doesn’t have all the answers
That She’s gone.

Touching the first toe to ground goes a long way
Not as hard as you would think
God that shower feels good
Opening that window and airing it out
Getting it out.
Fuck the laundry just throw it all out and buy new sheets.
Fuck all this.
Fuck Her.

I’m gonna see whats on TV.
So many channels to choose from its ridiculous.
I’m gonna wear my favorite jeans.
The ones that make my dick look big.
I’m gonna answer that phone.
Tell her to stop calling and to go fuck herself.

I’m gonna call my friends
Celebrate not laying in that piss soaked bed anymore
Man my dick looks big today.
I’m Moving on.

“Fuck Oprah.”

“Can cook delicious meals in exchange for help.”

Need Dermatological Help!

Hi! I have horrible scabs & scars all over my body from bedbug bites and have no idea who to turn to. I’m living a nightmare for the past 5 months with skin I don’t recognise: bumpy, continuously itchy, with some of the scabs not healing well/getting infected. I feel disgusting and ugly. I have no money or health insurance, but can cook delicious meals in exchange for help.

Can I interview you in the nude over the phone?

Hello,

I am doing a project around the world. I would like to call you on the phone and in the nude.

I will ask you under 20 questions and hopefully you will answer them.

We will both sit in the nude but we will not see each other and neither of us will reveal our names.

The questions are of a non-sexual nature, just nice questions.

Please get in touch if you would like to take part.

Send your phone number and a day when you would like to receive the call.

Thank you,

Warm regards.

“I am 64 years old, 5’9″ 220 lbs.”

For voyeur couple (NYC)

I am from Montreal, Canada. I am 64 years old, 5’9″ 220 lbs. I do not drink, do not smoke. If you’d like a “companion” for your wife for a short while (a week or so?), perhaps I could come down and visit…and occupy the bed while you, sir, sleep on the couch.

I will provide my plumbing services for your massage services (Westchester)

Plumbing repairs for a massage from woman only.