Today is a special day when Americans eat too much, drink too much and blow stuff up. That’s right, it’s Saturday.
Oh, and it’s also July 4th, the anniversary of when we began waxing those British father-rapers who were taxing us and then using that money to supply us with basic services we desperately needed. I mean, we would have died. Yes, it’s the birthday of the U.S.A., the greatest nation in the history of the world. If you forget that America is the best country ever, don’t worry, we’ll remind you. That’s because we’re large and wealthy yet deeply insecure, much like Alec Baldwin. Luckily, other countries are far worse than we are, so they can’t say shit. Yes, Turkmenistan, I’m looking at you. Suck it! And if you do talk trash about us, we’ll know right away because we’re listening in on all your private conversations. We can’t help it: Spying on you, sexy world, sends blood rushing to our boners.
Anyhow, enjoy a safe and happy holiday!
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“America the Beautiful,” by Meat Loaf and Mitt Romney.
“A poet turns to selling medical marijuana to make money. “
Volunteer for joke writer for feature film
Please send some jokes if you’d like to volunteer.
Movie Plot:
A poet turns to selling medical marijuana to make money. Along his journey he tries to help 5 strangers everyday by helping anyway he can. The poet’s best friend is arrested and held for blackmail by a DEA captain, and the poet does his best to pay off the DEA captain and help others along the way. He meets a beautiful nurse along the way.
This week, there was good news for President Trump’s campaign. A full 1.3% of Americans said they would consider voting for him if he could pull a living Abraham Lincoln out of his rectum.
This week, America’s next President, Donald Trump, said wheelchair-bound pundit Charles Krauthammer is a “loser” who “just sits there.” He also took aim at that socialist jerk who’s always hanging around.
Have someone staying in your home and you want out? Well today’s the day. See I smell terrible all the time. Have me around for a bit and they are sure to want to leave. Really this will work. I want in return iPads, laptops, cash, gold, cash. Email for more info.
I collect photos of animals having sex. Pets, wild animals, or a mix of both! I am willing to pay up to $50 dollars for an original photo that I would be able to copyright as my own. The photos will eventually be displayed in a calendar.
Seeking any and all Con men/women, scam artists, pickpockets, thieves, and anyone else embedded in lowlife culture to tell their story. No story will be considered too troubled, no atmosphere too strange. Genuine characters of all kinds welcome.
I’ve thought about this and it’s not as weird as it sounds. I go upstate most weekends and the tick population has been huge. Last week I found 3 ticks on my body. I don’t have anyone I feel comfortable asking to check me thoroughly so what is a person to do? My eyesight isn’t the greatest and I’m somewhat hairy, complicating the task from my own perspective.
Perhaps there is someone in a medically related field, or studying, who is not especially squeamish about doing examinations involving nudity? Or just open to it? It doesn’t have to be a big deal, but it does have to be done seriously. A careful full body check and removal of any ticks that are found. I have gloves and a little removal tool. It’s important to find attached ticks within 24-48 hours, so this would best take place on Sunday evenings or Mondays, hopefully on a regular basis. I’m located near Borough Hall.
I’m absolutely willing to pay, but as far-fetched as it sounds I’m wondering whether I might find someone in Activities rather than posting this as a job! It’s quite a dilemma, figuring out how to find these little suckers in places you can’t see. Yeah, could try to use a mirror or smartphone, but not ideal.
If someone is in the same predicament I would be willing to reciprocate. Thanks for reading and considering. Oh yeah, I’m a middle aged, healthy, average looking guy.
i’m looking for a real working way to shrink. i know its very strange, but i’m serious, and i know that there must really be a way. i would like to shrink myself to 3 inches tall. no joke. i’m a 24-year-old male. i’d do anything, anything to get a hold of something that really honestly works. thank you!