“I Directed Him To The On-Board Toilet”

December 3, 2012 in Excerpts, Urban Studies | Permalink

People feel unloosed from norms and mores when driving or flying because the odds of violent death increase so they have an excuse to regress. Otherwise nice people flip you off on the turnpike and seemingly average folks want to bang in a can 30,000 feet in the air. A flight attendant just did an Ask Me Anything on Reddit, and who better to testify on reductive on-flight decorum? A few passages follow.

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Question:

What is the most crazy request you have been asked by a passenger, and what is the best thing about being a flight attendant?

Answer:

Crazy? Goodness.

  • A bag to spit in. I had to confirm several times the word spit
  • A lady with a neck brace “I need soft food I will have rice” (The menu items did not include rice even after explaining she kept ordering things that just didn’t exist)
  • Hot fried chips
  • Nappies
  • Ice cream
  • My number

If it exists a passenger has asked me for it. They ask for EVERYTHING.

Best thing? I feel obvious but new destinations, I get a small taste of EVERYTHING I love it so much, I get to see smell and taste so much. I meet friends all over the world and party like a rockstar everywhere I go because I know I wont be there for long.

Edit: On a Lagos flight a passenger told me he wanted to masturbate. I directed him to the on board toilet.

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Question:

Are there as many people joining the mile high club in the bathroom as television portrays it? 

Answer:

Yes people try to join the mile high club. Let me tell you something, those toilets are FILTHY. Absolute FILTH. People shit in the sinks.

Moving on, I caught a lesbian couple in the toilets we had to get three crew to bang open the door and make them come out. She responded with “We were trying to piss”

A crew was fired for getting drunk while she was a passenger flying somewhere and joining a gentleman in the lavatory

A woman had TWO men going at it on a flight from Manchester. Crew opened the door on them and the female tried to assault the crew. When the men went to their connecting flight they were arrested. Not sure what happened to them!

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Question:

Since you fly so much, do you happen to have any sexual urges while in a different country? Do you get off to hooking up with passengers or do you go somewhere to get some?

Where do you get your fix for sex while flying from country to country? 

Answer:

Yep! I um see friends in outstations. I have had some encounters in Hong Kong and I have a few ‘friends’ in Dubai. It’s really hard and you get really lonely so you look for any guy to meet you after flights. All the crew sleep with each other in outstation. It’s a big problem, the cabin crew are desperate to sleep with pilots and senior crew. You have crew call you in the middle of the night in your room, especially pilots!