When I put up the post about the coin-operated computer, it reminded me about ads I’d seen for two other bygone coin-op machines.

The first contraption, revealed to the public in that pre-disposable razor year of 1940, was an electric-shaving machine which allowed guys to buzz their beards in train terminals and office buildings. Between each customer, the machine automatically sterilized the blades, and, most likely, the men who used it. 

“My wife and I can’t have children, but my face is so smooth.”

The second one was a post-office booth introduced in Holland in 1940, which allowed customers to quickly make a voice message (of 100 words) on a phonograph record and mail it out to their loved ones or the family of the person they had taken hostage. 

“We’re sending your son’s ear in a separate parcel.”

This machine had a precedent, which was made for amusement’s sake and had debuted eight years earlier. It was the voice-enabled “Phototeria,” which placed an image of the customer at the center of a record that had also captured his or her speech. It was the hands-free proto-selfie.

“Check the flip side of platter for a dick pic.”