Hey, why does this turkey taste like shit?

I prepared it myself.

I need to speak to Dr. Morey at once.

Dr. Morey, that horrible woman who keeps eating shit is on the line.

Put Sarah Palin through, Gloria.

What is your professional opinion, Doctor?

I’ve got good news and I’ve got bad news.

What’s the bad news?

You’re stupid. Oh, and you ate Martin Bashir’s feces.

What’s the good news?

At least you didn’t drink Glenn Beck’s urine.

Uh-oh.

I prepared it myself.