Our mainstream culture is stupid, really stupid. We aren’t outraged that Paul Ryan voted against funds for Hurricane Sandy victims, but Beyonce lip-syncing sends us into a frenzy. If the Onion is going to apologize for a tasteless joke as if it were the Wall Street Journal, then the Twitterati mob rule has won. And that’s scary because the Twitterati is reactionary and idiotic. 

For people out there who are too stupid to understand context, the writer of this joke does not think that a nine-year-old girl is really a cunt. He or she would never use that word to actually describe anyone in any real sense. The writer was saying something that was outrageously untrue and purposely inappropriate, tinged with the tone of gossipy Hollywood backbiting.

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Dear Readers,

On behalf of The Onion, I offer my personal apology to Quvenzhané Wallis and the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences for the tweet that was circulated last night during the Oscars. It was crude and offensive—not to mention inconsistent with The Onion’s commitment to parody and satire, however biting.

No person should be subjected to such a senseless, humorless comment masquerading as satire.

The tweet was taken down within an hour of publication. We have instituted new and tighter Twitter procedures to ensure that this kind of mistake does not occur again.

In addition, we are taking immediate steps to discipline those individuals responsible.

Miss Wallis, you are young and talented and deserve better. All of us at The Onion are deeply sorry.

Sincerely,

Steve Hannah
CEO
The Onion