I just purchased six cases on uBid.

Has there been a bigger non-story in recent memory than the “Twinkies no more!” piece that has seemingly been run by every news outlet in the country this week? You know, the parent company, Hostess, is going out of business so their world-famous product will soon disappear forever. You need to horde boxes of Twinkies because once they’re gone, they’re gone!

Of course, this is nonsense. A product so popular will be purchased by another company in short order, and there will always, always be Twinkies as long as people want to buy them. It’s a waste of newsprint and airtime and the type of lazy bullshit that makes the media look foolish.

I’m not saying that you should ever eat these death-cakes. You should not. They are horrid. But for those who want a particularly gigantic ass, Twinkies will be there to help you achieve your goal.