Donald: AIDS charities just a pawn in the game.

Since Donald Trump made an insulting challenge to the President to reveal his passport and college records in return for a donation to charity, we thought it was okay to make such an offer to Trump.

Here goes: There’s a sick boy who can’t walk, and we know how to make him healthy again. If you agree to our proposal, we will help him. If not, we’ll take him to a cliff and push him off. It’s up to you. We also know the cure for AIDS and cancer and we will share them, but only if you do what we say.

What we want is the following: 1) Reveal the documents showing how much money, land and contacts your father handed over to a “self-made man” such as yourself. 2) Explain how much he helped bail you out when you nearly blew all these advantages. 3) Perform oral sex on a racehorse.

The last condition is really important. That horse penis is not going to suck itself. If you accept our humiliating offer, a child will walk again and many sick people will be well. If you don’t do what we say, we have to question your sense of charity.

You might be asking, why wouldn’t they just help sick people if they can? It wouldn’t change their lifestyle at all. Why do they have to denigrate someone else in order to perform a kind act? What kind of people attach embarrassing conditions to good works?

Frankly, we’re puzzled that you can ask so many questions with that horse cock in your mouth. But we understand your point. Anyone who would behave this way, who would so desperately want to reduce others is a hugely unhappy person who realizes down deep how awful they are and feels lonely in that awfulness. Such a person would want to drag other people down to that level, especially a person who is accomplished and dignified.

Think about it, dum-dum. It’s an offer you can’t refuse. A lot of people now know what a racist buffoon you are, so it would be very good publicity for you to help a sick child. It would kind of be like Babe Ruth visiting an ailing kid in the hospital and promising to hit him a home run. You know, if Babe Ruth gargled with horse jizz. We await your decision.•

Jimmy: Please suck off that pony, Mr. Trump.

Butterscotch: Hung like a fire hydrant.