Other Hate Crimes Mitt Romney Can Commit, In Addition To Forcibly Barbering Gay Teens

May 14, 2012 in Humor, Politics | Permalink

Mitt Romney: Because towel-snapping just wasn't erotic enough. (Image by Jessica Rinaldi.)

It was reported last week that when Mitt Romney was eighteen (or close to it) he arranged the gang humiliation of a fellow student. The boy had longish blond hair and appeared to perhaps be gay. So Mitt Romney got some friends together and they pinned this boy down on the ground and cut his hair against his will. A lot of media people are dismissing the act, as if this square-headed robot from the 1950s pushed someone when he was 12 or called someone a bad name. HE COMMITTED A HATE CRIME! It was a criminal assault. You know those well-intentioned but misguided “It Gets Better” ads? The ones aimed at gay kids, promising them that eventually other people will stop punching them, instead of, say, being aimed at parents who are raising vicious creeps? Mitt Romney is the unseen thug in those ads beating up the kids for being different. Mitt Romney is very lucky he didn’t attack someone in a similar fashion today in Florida. They have this Stand Your Ground law which allows those being attacked to defend themselves with firearms. People in Florida are shot for doing much less than 18-year-old Romney did. Some of them are shot for no reason at all.

I’m sure other people who’ve became President committed hate crimes in their youths. Perhaps Millard Fillmore strangled a tranny prostitute for giving him tuberculosis. But at least we didn’t know about those histories. We know for sure that Mitt Romney, who could become our President, is a huge, bullying asshole.

But why should Mitt Romney’s hate crimes be limited to his youth? Here are some other ones he can commit now:

Murder the Entire City of Detroit: Oh wait, he already did that.

Converting a Guy to a Religion Against His Will: Oh wait, he already did that.

Not Giving a Crap About Very Poor People: Oh wait, he already did that.