"You will also be asked not to interfere with music unless your choices have been cleared and approved first."

I want to hire a Boyfriend (Upper East Side)

The position only requires certain minor but specific qualities. You must be over 5’8″ tall, know proper grammar and linguistics and know when to keep your mouth shut. I would like said hired boyfriend to have his own dwelling as lodging is not offered with position. The job requires willingness to make tea and fluff pillows for girlfriend when she is not feeling well, as well as reading aloud from girlfriend’s book collection and not touching girlfriend’s photography equipment. You will also be asked not to interfere with music unless your choices have been cleared and approved first. When girlfriend is not sick the job requirements will diminish, you will have time to yourself in either case so please know what to do with such time, girlfriend is willing to meet your parents but will never ask you to meet hers because they are horrible people who are not allowed to speak to hired boyfriend, I will also want you to take walks in the park with me and enjoy frozen yogurt on hot summer nights. Willingness to meet my boss a plus, good looks also help. Health insurance not provided, and a religious streak will render you unable to apply for the job. No heavy drinkers or cigarette smokers, compensation for services depends on experience and will be discussed upon request.