"I'm willing to do PayPal." (Image by Kommissar.)

Toenail Collection – for sale – $9 (Newark)

This is a very rare in-valuable item. I mean, how do I know how to price this, what it’s worth? You won’t find somethin’ like this on e-bay, bet your ass! I’ve decided to sell my entire toenail collection that I have been collecting for many many years now. I was going to put this ad under the Antiques category, but I threw a few new ones in there a few days ago. Been keeping ’em since I was about 6, I’m 81 now. I’m willing to do PayPal and mail this out to you. Or, we can meet in Newark somewhere. Not near the airport….wouldn’t want a big wind from a plane to come by just as I’m opening the jar.

The jar is included, with the screw-on top….if I’m gonna mail this out to you, you wouldn’t want these to get loose and all mixed around in the mail, so I’ll keep ’em in the jar. Might be worse than Anthrax! But, better yet, if we meet in person, I can update the jar with my latest nails. Bring scissors. And exact change.