Shocker: Times’ “Vows” Column This Week About Newlyweds Who Are Doing A Horse

December 23, 2010 in Fake, Humor | Permalink

Back to the stable for more lovin’. (Image by Sebastian Pacquet.)

A firestorm of controversy raged throughout the blogosphere this week because the “Vows” column in Sunday’s New York Times focused on the wedding of a TV news reporter and a business executive who left their spouses to marry one another. Instead of quietly dealing with the painful fallout, the newlyweds decided for some bizarre, narcissistic reason that announcing the sordid details to the world would be good for their ex-spouses and school-age children.

Many people thought the newspaper erred in providing a platform for this taboo-busting twosome, but you ain’t seen nothin’ yet. The Times is pushing the envelope but hard this weekend when they run a “Vows” column about another couple who left their spouses to get married and are now engaged in a three-way with a horse. Part Scarlet Letter and part Mr. Ed, the story is certainly complicated. The couple met Mr. Marbles when he caught the tossed bouquet at the wedding between his teeth. The bride was immediately struck by Mr. Marbles’ exuberance.

“He doesn’t walk in to a room,” she said. “He gallops in.”

When they realized they wanted to have a three-way with a horse, the newlyweds said they remembered crying together. “Why are we being punished?” they wondered. “Why did someone throw him into our path when we can’t have him?” But then they immediately started fucking the horse anyway. This made them cry even more because horse cock is gigantic and can be painful when inserted into human orifices.

“I didn’t believe in the word ‘soulmate’ before, but now I do,” said the groom, as he sat gingerly, polishing his favorite saddle.

“My kids are going to look at me and know that I am flawed and not perfect, but also deeply in love,” said the blushing, limping bride. “We’re going to have a big, noisy, rich life, and there will be hay everywhere.”

When asked why they felt it was important to tell the world of their relations with a horse, the couple said they wanted an honest account of how they entered into bestiality for their sake and their kids’ sakes.

If you don’t like it, I suggest you read some other paper. This isn’t your parents’ New York Times. Unless your parents are fucking a horse.

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