Nets owner Mikhail Prokhorov: I will buy you vodka and whores, Lebron. (Image by Андрей Романенко.)

Russia is bad at many things, especially spying, but one thing that the former superpower is really great at it is wasting its time by looking at the idiotic site known as Afflictor. For the seventh month running, Russia is the foreign nation with the most visits to our Brooklyn-based website. Great Britain, the Netherlands and Belarus all made gallant challenges in June, but it just wasn’t meant to be. Why do Russians keep coming back for more of our special brand of stupidity? Perhaps it’s because the comrades need to distract themselves from Putin’s claims that his country’s new fighter jets are better than the ones in the U.S., which ensures Mother Russia of a victory in any war that is fought prior to 1940. Or perhaps that trenchant article about Ke$ha in Elle Girl Russia just wasn’t long enough and there’s nothing left to read. Whatever. Congratulation on you great accomplishment, Russia, for once again being crowned champion of Afflictor Nation!